Those little prairie dogs seem innocent enough.
Tiny. Fuzzy. Adorable. They stand up like they are politely waiting to ask you for directions.
But, don’t be fooled, folks.
The only thing standing between those furry guys and a full-blown crime spree is the fact that they don’t have the thumbs for the job…
I’m telling you. The day they evolve opposable thumbs, this city is in trouble.
Here are just a couple of the crimes I know they’d immediately commit:
Stealing Your Snacks
Photo by Thom Reijnders on Unsplashbrown rodent on brown soil during daytime
For now, they stand there and stare at you while you spread out your picnic blanket and arrange the snacks.
With thumbs? They won’t just be staring.
They’ll be opening the bags and joining you for lunch.
Car Theft
Photo by Taylor Wright on Unsplasha small animal standing on its hind legs in a grassy area
It’s not because they want your car, but because they think it would be hilarious to move it a few spaces to the left and then watch you panic trying to find it.
Little jerks…
Read More: Why Lubbock Residents Rarely Leave Their Side Of Town
Identity Theft
Photo by Moritz Kindler on Unsplasharizona black tailed prairie dog
They don’t care much about financial gain.
Thumbs are the only thing standing between them and a fake ID, and they REALLY want to buy a few 6-packs for their next BBQ.
Can you blame them?
Doorbell Ditching
Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplashbrown rodent on gray rock during daytime
You know who enjoys ringing random doorbells and running like crazy?
A group of naughty prairie dogs with thumbs.
Mailbox Crimes
Photo by Michael on Unsplashgray rodent on gray rock during daytime
They’d leave the bills alone and jack all the coupons.
Facts.
Gang Activity
Photo by Gábor Kárpáti on UnsplashTwo prairie dogs standing and touching paws
Think about it.
Twenty of them.
Working together.
Diversion tactics.
Snack acquisitions.
Lookouts.
All of these things would be made possible with thumbs.
Watch Out, Lubbock
Photo by Kiy Turk on Unsplashbrown beaver standing on ground
Keep those guys away from any suspicious toxic waste or mad scientists. I don’t trust them. If you can think of more crimes they might commit, do everyone a service and drop them in the comments below this article…
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