In a dorm room lit by the glowing light of a video call, laughter echoes through earbuds as a student shares dinner digitally with their significant other.
For long-distance relationships in college, love can look like calls, texts and the occasional weekend visit rather than a typical daily hand-hold or regular kiss on the cheek.
Miriam Lieway, program manager of Sexual Health and Healthy Relationships at Risk Intervention and Safety Education, said maintaining a long-distance relationship is a challenge for one-third of Texas Tech students.
Abbigail Belter, a first-year biology major from Amarillo, said the transition was difficult at first, but she and her long-distance boyfriend found a rhythm through consistency and communication.
“The transition to long-distance was difficult. We argued a lot the first two weeks because being apart was different, but I think we’ve both adjusted and made time for each other,” Belter said. “We try to have a meal together by FaceTiming during lunch or dinner. We call every night. Even if we’re upset at each other, we make it a point to speak.”
Cameron Brown, assistant professor in Tech’s Couple, Marriage and Family Therapy program and counselor at Desert Sky Therapy, said the main struggle in long-distance relationships is the lack of physical closeness and intentionality.
“Successful long-distance relationships are very attentive about being intentional with their relationship,” Brown said. “I advise couples to be intentional about sharing how they feel, what they enjoy and what they’re experiencing with one another to help compensate for the lack of physical closeness.”
Brown said an effective strategy is for students to combine synchronous communication, such as video calls, with asynchronous communication like texts or social media interactions.
“Synchronous allows for a more intimate, similar to in-person experience, and asynchronous can be really valuable because it helps couples stay together throughout their day-to-day life,” Brown said.
Samuel Wilson, a first-year pre-nursing major from Fort Worth, said he felt similar struggles, but scheduling visits, phone calls and regular communication helped.
“We plan out at least once a month a time that we can see each other. We both struggled with trust issues because it’s the first time we’ve been distant from each other, but we’re calling and we’re giving each other life updates and stuff like that,” Wilson said. “Over time it’s been less overthinking, and we’ve been establishing more trust as we move along in our relationship.”
Brown said college students should use this time apart to grow individually, which can strengthen both themselves and their relationships.
“Something I see a lot of long-distance relationships struggle with is individual work,” he said. “Just because someone doesn’t answer the phone right away doesn’t mean they’re cheating on you. It’s important to foster that inner security that, ‘I can trust myself, and I can trust my partner.’”
Lieway said long-distance couples often face the same challenges as couples living in the same city.
“I think sometimes people think long-distance relationships are a whole different thing than geographically close relationships, but a lot of the dynamics are the same,” she said. “What you want to do in any relationship is make sure that you’re building trust, that you go at a pace everyone’s comfortable with, that you’re communicating and that you’re open with each other.”
Lieway said balancing connection and independence is important because although the couple is apart, they shouldn’t allow that to cause competition.
“Where long-distance relationships can really thrive is keeping that balance of, ‘We want to stay connected, but we also want to have this independence,’” she said. “One problem with a long-distance relationship is that it’s easier to avoid that conflict, but couples should look at it as, ‘We’re on the same side. This is us tackling that conflict, not us against each other.’”
Wilson said through his experience in long-distance, he’s learned that consistency within communication and prioritizing a partner helps keep a relationship secure.
“Be consistent, and always try to call your significant other as much as you can, try to keep them updated and try not to make them feel left out,” Wilson said. “Try to make time and a schedule for that person because if that person’s important, you have to make time for them.”
Brown said while some relationships inevitably fade, others thrive when they realize the distance doesn’t last forever.
“Be intentional not about the quantity but the quality of the time spent talking, and be intentional about having shared emotional moments and conversations together,” he said. “Look at long-distance relationships as temporary, and establish an end game.”
Students who find themselves struggling can seek help through the Family Therapy Clinic on campus, which offers low-cost in-person and virtual counseling sessions for couples in Texas.