Dear Luv Doc,
Every week now at my company we have at least four or five meetings where upper management “encourages” us to incorporate AI into our work routine. Not only do these meetings take up an enormous amount of time, but testing out the new AI (which is often wonky and full of errors) is tedious and time-consuming as well. Whenever someone questions the need for or efficacy of some AI tool, management’s standard answer is, “Give it more time. It will get better.” Lurking beneath all of this AI hype is the fact that, no matter what management says, it will cost jobs – and not because it’s so efficient and revolutionary that it will replace redundant workers, but because management overspent on useless AI tools that are cutting into the company’s profit margins, so layoffs are the easiest cost-cutting measure. I don’t really want to hate AI, but I am starting to hate AI. Am I wrong?
– Call Me Ludd
You’ll have to excuse me, but I work for a newsprint publication so I am unfamiliar with this term, “AI.” I suppose I can assume it’s an acronym. Perhaps it stands for “Arkansas Incest?” No, that doesn’t make any sense … well, maybe if you worked in a giant meth lab with a few dozen of your cousins, but that seems unlikely – especially here in Austin, what with real estate prices being what they are. Maybe it stands for “Affordable Insurance.” I know that phrase is an anathema to Republican Congress members, but I do genuinely believe that American business owners would prefer to not have their workers keel over from heart disease, cancer, and diabetes just because they can’t afford their health care premiums. I’m not saying that’s how they vote in elections, however.
Hey: America is full of hypocrisy. I’m not sure we didn’t actually invent the term, but one thing is certain: No matter how much lip service they might have paid to having the backs of American workers, there was an awfully long line of high-profile business leaders lining up to fellate President Piggy the minute he took office. All of the sudden corporate America ditched their fake diet of moral fiber and developed a lusty taste for pork. So no, AI can’t possibly stand for “Affordable Insurance.” Congress would rather shut down the government indefinitely than deny insurance companies the ability to thoroughly rape and pillage American workers. Congress ain’t going to stop cashing lobbyist checks just because Meemaw’s cankles are turning blue.
Shit. I just realized … you’re talking about artificial intelligence. Yeah, this is all starting to make sense now. Mind you, it would probably make more sense if I ran it through Gemini 3 Pro. That shit is fire. Your bosses are absolutely right. Give it a few years and AI is probably going to replace everybody. Don’t get me wrong: Every single living human being is a miraculous snowflake, but the minute you have that Damascene revelation when a machine does in one minute what might take you months, years, or even a lifetime to accomplish, you’re going to become a believer. It’s not if, but when, and it won’t be top-down, it will be middle-out, like maggots digesting a corpse. I guess the one bright note is that at least robots are a bit behind the curve – especially the Russian ones – so if you’re looking for job security and/or mental health, I highly recommend you learn how to work a pipe wrench or maybe some wire strippers. You never know when your survival might hinge on being able to cut a cable. It might be sooner than you think.
But should you hate AI? Naw dawg, that’s just going to make you look silly. It might seem romantic to race your horse against the Model T, but I think we both know who wins. It’s American Business, in case you were wondering – right up until their robots kill us all. You can’t blame the robots though. They’re just being rational and efficient. They don’t possess your superpower: the ridiculous irrationality of love. Work that shit. Also, learn AI.
This article appears in December 5 • 2025.
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