If birds in Lubbock learned to speak, the entire city would have no choice but to go into the witness protection program. Our feathered residents have truly seen it all, and thankfully, this far, they’ve kept their beaks shut.

Photo by Robin Teng on UnsplashThe Grackles

The grackles in the parking lot of Market Street basically have a front-row seat to every toddler meltdown. These are typically followed by the child screaming and reaching for random strangers on the way into or out of the building. It can be alarming until you remember that kids are friggin’ naughty.

Sure, a few get kidnapped every once in a while, but your kid? Nah. Nobody wants that one. Too sticky.

Photo by Viktor Forgacs on UnsplashThe Pigeons (And Friends)

Meanwhile, downtown, the pigeons (and raccoons) have seen it all. Late-night heartbreak, drug addiction, both at the same time, and of course, drunk college kids destroying potted plants outside of innocent businesses after a Tech loss (or a Tech win, they don’t seem to care.)

Those birds (and other cuddly creatures) have kept their lips zipped. Your 18-year-old is really lucky. 

Read More: The Unwritten Rules Of Grocery Shopping In Lubbock

Photo by Kelvin Ball on UnsplashThe Royal Birds

The Whataburger birds, or what we should refer to as “Nightlife Royalty,” are absolute legends. They’ll take your dirty secrets to the grave if you accidentally drop a box of fries en route to your car. They are the keepers of Lubbock’s most debaucherous after-hours crowd, and should be treated as such.

Pouring one out for the homies takes on a whole new meaning when you’re at Whataburger.

Birds Are Keeping Our Secrets, Lubbock

All I know is that we’d better be nice to the birds here. If you spot one staring at you for far too long, don’t panic. They aren’t judging you. They’re probably just adding you the their ever-growing list of secrets that could perhaps someday even take down the government. And for that, we should thank them.

Keep scrolling for more weird stuff in the galleries below…

The Seven Natural Disasters of Lubbock

Things get messy around here, folks.

Gallery Credit: Chrissy

What Your Go-To Golden Corral Food Says About You

The news was slow this week. Enjoy…

Gallery Credit: Chrissy