Younger men can find it challenging to hug their “homies” or even say “I love you” to them, which is a set boundary between their friendships. But why is that considered the norm? Why do younger men find it difficult to show affection, care or vulnerability with their closest friends?
Could it be because that’s just how they were raised? Is it because of familial teachings that have been passed down? Or is it because of insecurities men could have within themselves? A fear of being perceived as “too much” or “weak”?
For some people, it could mean all those kinds of situations. University of Texas at El Paso (UTEP) junior, Gael Guerra explained how multifaceted it can be.
“Personally, it’s just the way we grow up, the way we’re taught, the way things are shown to us,” Guerra said. “ I didn’t grow up with my dad for a little bit of my life. I still had like other father figures and well, they just showed me about respect and based on how I would see them, they would never do that. So, I guess I thought, it’s normal not to, for a guy.”
UTEP freshman, Christian Lester, had similar ideas as to why men his age can find it difficult and somewhat unusual to be affectionate towards their male close friends.
“Probably like the stigmatism of being manly. I feel like you go with your boys and forget your problems and not talk about them,” Lester said.
When asked if he had a friend who defied those kinds of “norms” he had considered for himself, he said they all show the affection when they feel it is necessary.
With both students’ perspectives, there is some clarity as to why men can feel like there is a norm or even a stigmatism to showing affection towards their friends.
UTEP junior, Trinity Pitcher, shared her experience witnessing the way her boyfriend acts towards his friends.
“He’s more like one of the bros where they can be affectionate. But there’s a certain boundary, they’ll hug each other. That’s only if somebody initiates it,” Pitcher said. “Besides that, he doesn’t say I love you, but that’s about it.”
Pitcher said she believes her boyfriend’s limited affection towards his friends involves the stereotypes of Mexican culture.
“I think it’s more Mexican culture because in Mexican culture, males are supposed to be more masculine. They’re not supposed to show that emotion,” Pitcher said.
UTEP senior, Briana Estrada, also shared similar thoughts when it came to young men finding it difficult to be affectionate towards their friends.
“I think the way people are raised follow very hegemonic norms and that involves men being more reserved and not as emotional in every aspect of life,” Estrada said. “I think that’s also a factor in the Mexican culture. Machismo is very prevalent, which leads to a lot of bottling up of feelings because you have to be a man and a lot of the times you have to step up and be a protector. So, I feel like that leaves a lot of men with a void. That they refuse to fail due to the way they were raised.”
These perspectives show a range of viewpoints that can contribute to hesitation around emotional vulnerability, even to the friends who are closest to them. Still, expressing care and appreciation toward friends remains an important part of maintaining personal relationships.
Aziel Ramos is a contributor and may be reached at [email protected]