If birds in Lubbock learned to speak, the entire city would have no choice but to go into the witness protection program. Our feathered residents have truly seen it all, and thankfully, this far, they’ve kept their beaks shut.
Photo by Robin Teng on UnsplashThe Grackles
The grackles in the parking lot of Market Street basically have a front-row seat to every toddler meltdown. These are typically followed by the child screaming and reaching for random strangers on the way into or out of the building. It can be alarming until you remember that kids are friggin’ naughty.
Sure, a few get kidnapped every once in a while, but your kid? Nah. Nobody wants that one. Too sticky.
Photo by Viktor Forgacs on UnsplashThe Pigeons (And Friends)
Meanwhile, downtown, the pigeons (and raccoons) have seen it all. Late-night heartbreak, drug addiction, both at the same time, and of course, drunk college kids destroying potted plants outside of innocent businesses after a Tech loss (or a Tech win, they don’t seem to care.)
Those birds (and other cuddly creatures) have kept their lips zipped. Your 18-year-old is really lucky.
Read More: The Unwritten Rules Of Grocery Shopping In Lubbock
Photo by Kelvin Ball on UnsplashThe Royal Birds
The Whataburger birds, or what we should refer to as “Nightlife Royalty,” are absolute legends. They’ll take your dirty secrets to the grave if you accidentally drop a box of fries en route to your car. They are the keepers of Lubbock’s most debaucherous after-hours crowd, and should be treated as such.
Pouring one out for the homies takes on a whole new meaning when you’re at Whataburger.
Birds Are Keeping Our Secrets, Lubbock
All I know is that we’d better be nice to the birds here. If you spot one staring at you for far too long, don’t panic. They aren’t judging you. They’re probably just adding you the their ever-growing list of secrets that could perhaps someday even take down the government. And for that, we should thank them.
Keep scrolling for more weird stuff in the galleries below…
The Seven Natural Disasters of LubbockThings get messy around here, folks. Gallery Credit: Chrissy J. RayThe HaboobA massive wall of dirt so thick, it starts confusing you. Is it midnight? Lunchtime? What the heck?. You’ll spend the next few days brushing dirt out of your teeth.
Photo by Cerys Lowe on UnsplashThe WindpocalpseYour trampoline and your neighbor’s grill become one in a special ceremony, also known as ‘The Friggin’ Wind’.
Photo by Colin Lloyd on UnsplashThe Great Ice StormBlack ice does us real dirty, cars go skating down the loop, power lines are effed. It’s the Winter Olympics in Lubbock that nobody asks for. Trust me. It’s coming.
Photo by frame harirak on UnsplashThe Unpredictable Rain BombAfter months of drought, we’ll get 8 inches of rain in less than 20 minutes, flooding every underpass, and turning Milwaukee Ave into dadgum white water rapids.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on UnsplashThe Pollen TsunamiYour lungs, car, and dignity are covered in a bright yellow film. Allergy meds only laugh at you for being naive enough to think you’ll make it without a prescription of the strong stuff.
Photo by Brandon Stoll on UnsplashGrasshopper Season (aka The Locust Plague)Each summer, the sky darkens with little crunchy kamakiaze buggos, smackin’ into your windshield, your porch lights, until they evenutally get to your soul.
Photo by Chris Haws on UnsplashThe Game Day StampedeNo, it’s not an earthquake—it’s just thousands of drunk tech students storming Broadway after a big win (or, honestly, a major loss). They don’t care. They’re gonna run amok. What Your Go-To Golden Corral Food Says About YouThe news was slow this week. Enjoy… Gallery Credit: Chrissy
Photo by Eiliv Aceron on UnsplashChocolate FountainIf you head straight for the chocolate fountain, you’re a YOLO kinda person. You’ve also accepted that you will be leaving sticky.
GoldenCorral.comFried ChickenYou’re a traditionalist. But, I’m sorry, you’re also likely a double-dipper at tailgate parties. Not cool.
GoldenCorral.comSalad BarYou’re lying to yourself, buddy. But optimism is important. That iceberg lettuce just tricks you into thinking you’re being healthy before the real meal starts. We’ll see you over there at the mac and cheese directly afterward. You’re not fooling anyone…
Goldencorral.comSteakYou think you’re sophisticated, but…well…this is Golden Corral. I’m not saying theirs anything wrong with getting steak at a buffet…but…yeah…chill out, fancy pants. You didn’t need to wear a bowtie.
Goldencorral.comBaked PotatoSteady. Practical. You call it a “tater” with no shame. You also secretly judge people for the chaos on their plate while you behold your simple and glorious potato, dressed in only cheese, butter, and sour cream.
GoldenCorral.comBanana PuddingYou miss your grandparents. They always let you eat dessert first. You also consider banana pudding to be healthy because it’s got FRUIT in it…
GoldenCorral.comMeatloafYou either just lost a bet, or you’re somebody’s adorable paw paw.
GoldenCorral.comPizzaMoney is no option for you. You’re at a buffet where you could fill up on all kinds of meat and seafood, and yet, you’re choosing the cheapest thing on the menu: frozen pizza. (It friggin’ slaps though. I’m not going to lie.)
GoldenCorral.comFishYou’re a trusting person if you go for fish at a buffet this far from the ocean. What a sweet darlin’!