5 Hidden Talents Only People from Lubbock Understand

If you’ve lived in Lubbock long enough, you’ve probably noticed that we’ve all developed a few special abilities no one else seems to have. Forget Spider-Man or Wolverine — West Texans have evolved into their own brand of superheroes, forged by dust storms, drive-thrus, and sheer stubbornness.

Photo by Yulia Matvienko on Unsplash

1. The “Wind Walk”
No matter how bad it’s blowing, you somehow manage to get from your car to the door without losing your drink, your dignity, or your hair extension. You’ve learned the sideways lean, the squint, and the power stance required to survive a 60-mph gust.

2. The “Tumbleweed Reflex”
You can spot a rogue tumbleweed from half a mile away and instinctively know whether to brake, dodge, or let it meet its fate against your bumper. Hell, you might even take it home and turn it into a West Texas Christmas Tumbleweed tree. We roll with the punches around here, even when the punches are rolling toward us.

3. The “Whataburger Radar”
Even in total darkness, you can sense where the nearest orange-and-white beacon of hope is located. And somehow, your order is always right. (BBQ chicken strip sandwich, sub BBQ sauce for honey mustard. If you’ve never had it, you’re welcome.)

4. The “Concert Conversion”
Give any West Texan five minutes, and we can turn an empty dirt lot into a full-blown tailgate or concert venue — with speakers, coolers, and someone’s cousin’s truck bed as the stage.

5. The “Small-Town Sixth Sense”
You know everyone, or someone who knows everyone, and you can decode a rumor faster than a tornado warning scrolls across the TV.

So next time you question your life choices here on the Caprock, remember: you’re basically a superhero. Your origin story just happens to involve sand in your shoes, wind in your eyes, and an undying love for the words “red dirt.”

Keep scrolling for more Lubbock-based humor in the silly galleries below…

5 Great Places To Take A ‘Fart Walk’ In Lubbock (And Where You Never Should)*ferrrrp* Gallery Credit: Chrissy Photo by Vincent Van Zalinge on UnsplashYour Nearest Dog Park”Wow, some people sure don’t pick up after their pets, I tell you what. Today, the dog park smelled like a bag of old hard-boiled eggs!” You’re safe to do your business there right next to your furry friends. They don’t care. In fact, I think dogs like farts. It’s one of the greatest joys of their life! Make a dog happy, and pop off some real slappers at the dog park today. Photo by Daniel Dan on UnsplashThe MallThe morning walkers are already in there blasting them off before the place sells a single item for the day. The South Plains Mall is an excellent place to get your tummy right with a little toot trek. Plus, it’s so crowded and loud in there that you can easily blame anyone who questions you. Photo by Simon Hurry on UnsplashAnywhere Off of Ave QI think that street was built on farts alone. 10/10 great place to walk and fart. You see the guy on the corner with the sign? He’s farting right now, and he doesn’t care who knows. Neither should you. Go for it. Photo by Julia Taubitz on UnsplashPrairie Dog TownHear me out, prairie dogs have NOT figured out how to snitch yet. I repeat. The prairie dogs WILL keep your secrets. I swear. I tried to teach one to talk, and you’ll never guess how it went.
Photo by Sasun Bughdaryan on UnsplashNear A Cotton GinWtf is up with cotton gins smelling like straight up booty hole? You’ll fit right in. Take a walk near a cotton gin, and appreciate West Texas industry while you release the demons from last night’s “way-too-god-damn-spicy-you-knew-better-than-to-order-that” burrito. Photo by Kai Pilger on UnsplashNO FART WALKS Near The Movie Theater PopcornDon’t you friggin’ dare. We’re all sniffing away at that buttery goodness, dude. Don’t be the guy who ruins it. And, if you could keep them out of the theater, that would be rad too, but hey, sh*t happens. (Hopefully not when you’re out fart walking. Fingers crossed.) Photo by Francisco De Legarreta C. on UnsplashNO FART WALKS In The Perfume Area of DillardsAgain, when the sniffers are sniffing, you’d better keep the hatch latched. Everything in there smells good, and we’re all gonna notice you got drunk and ate 4 cans of beans last night. What were you thinking, dude? You’ve got a problem, and honestly, it’s not the drinking we want to see you quit; it’s the raccoon behavior. Get a hold of yourself and go take some Tums before your wife leaves you. Photo by Madalyn Cox on UnsplashNO FART WALKS At Your In-laws Place, No Matter How Much They SuckDude, we all hate your mother-in-law. Don’t worry. Everyone in town who knows her farts around her on purpose every single day of her life. She’s dealing with smells you can’t imagine on a the daily. Remember, you’re still in the doghouse with her from when you backed the truck over her rose bushes. You don’t need more reasons to argue with that woman. Do not, I repeat, do not, fart at your in-laws’ house. If you DO happen to let one rip after the next backyard BBQ, I hope you’ve learned a few tricks from her on gaslighting, because you’re going to need them. Those protein drinks you bought from a friend to support their tiny pyramid scheme paycheck are majorly expired. Why else do you think he cut you that deal? Photo by Daniel Herron on UnsplashNO FART WALKS At ChurchThis is a tough one. I enjoy a good church fart, but I’ve heard God isn’t a fan. I don’t have a direct line with him, or I’d call to be sure, but just to be safe, don’t fart a church. You do not want to make that dude mad, trust me. Also, there are a lot of children walking around near you, and your butt is just about eye level with their faces. Hold it in until you get to the buffet line at Golden Corral. It’s in the Bible, or something. Photo by Nick Fewings on UnsplashNO FART WALKS On Tech CampusRemember that crazy green gas fire that came up from the depths of hell and shot out on campus? You don’t want to take a fart walk anywhere near campus on the off chance it happens again. You could kill us all. You just started that new IBS medication, and according to your roomie, it is NOT working. Don’t risk it for the smelly biscuit, babe. Lubbock Lawn Fads You’ll Find in Every Neighborhood Let’s talk Lubbock lawns and the people responsible. Gallery Credit: Chrissy Photo by Michael Kahn on UnsplashThe “Perfect Yard” ManHe mows at least three times a week, edges all the sidewalks with near military precision, and secretly hates you and your dog, who prefers to poo on his hard work every morning. Photo by Courtney Smith on UnsplashThe Weed WarriorsSome people insist that dandelions are eco-friendly “native landscaping,” and refuse to touch them. Bees love these folk. Your grandpa hates them and calls them lazy bums. Photo by bao sabrina on UnsplashThe Cactus CowboysCactus cowboys replace grass and rocks with a couple of cacti. They look pretty cool, and they typically keep the neighbor kids away. Lord knows nobody wants a repeat of the 2003 game of hide-and-seek that went totally south. Photo by Tile Merchant Ireland on UnsplashThe Plastic PeopleFake grass and rocks often mean fake smiles (and perhaps ta-tas). These lawn keepers are an HOA’s dream, but everyone else gives them the side-eye. Photo by Ashes Sitoula on UnsplashThe Giver UppersTumbleweeds, dirt patches, holes, and dog mess. These lawns don’t even have a water hose, and they won’t ever be any different. Photo by Dillon Kydd on UnsplashThe Seasonal OverachieversThey’ve got the Christmas inflatables in December, Easter bunnies in April, and so much patriotic stuff in July that the city has visited twice to point out fire hazards. Photo by Dimath Dayananda on UnsplashThe Mystery LawnThe grass always looks perfect, but you’ve never actually seen the homeowners outside. The ghost of a “Perfect Yard Guy” probably lives there.