Alamo Drafthouse’s digital food ordering became the butt of a rival Texas chain’s April Fools Day prank. (Photo by Brandon Bell/Getty Images)
Brandon Bell/Getty Images
In every joke, there’s a bit of truth.
For many Texans, a few of those truths are widely accepted: that we don’t want to see phones in the movie theater, that some towns have names that you just have to give up on trying to sound out, and that we mostly call things what we want, regardless, whether that be a city or a fast food chain. Naturally, a few of these Texas truths became the stuff of April Fools’ Day pranks this year.
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Flix Brewhouse clowns on Alamo Drafthouse’s controversial QR code ordering
Flix Brewhouse, a Round Rock-based theater and dining chain that’s been slowly taking over movie-going territory ceded by Alamo Drafthouse, came out swinging on April 1. In an Instagram post, Flix teased a policy similar to Alamo Drafthouse’s new mobile ordering rules, stating that they “will no longer have servers taking your order in-theater” to “better align with evolving technology and streamline guest experience.” But don’t get heated just yet — on the next slide, the chain said: “we’d never.” Tell that to Drafthouse, whose decision to end the pen-and-paper ordering model in favor of QR codes caused so much backlash that even actor and former Austinite Elijah Wood had to weigh in. Wood called the move a “profound and upsetting mistake,” and we have to guess that Flix feels the same.
The Texas truth at play in this prank? Don’t mess with our quiet, phone-free theaters. We don’t want to read any texts over your shoulder.
Would you drink a Takis-flavored shake, Hidden Valley Ranch tea?
Here’s another thing about Texans: we love our spice, and we’d put ranch on anything. But if the line is in downtown San Antonio, we’re already past SeaWorld — very, very far away from the line. On Wednesday, San Antonio burger joint Burger Boy jokingly announced a Takis-flavored shake, urging diners to come in and “face the intensity,” and it had locals saying their stomachs were already bubbling just from the suggestion. What’s worse is HTeaO’s “new” Hidden Valley Ranch cold foam — the stuff of nightmares, even for those of us whose bar for savory is set high.
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No thanks, y’all can keep it.
Bill Miller Bar-B-Q isn’t changing its name, but maybe it should
The local barbecue and breakfast taco chain is just catching up with the rest of us. In an Instagram post, Bill Miller Bar-B-Q “announced” that the restaurants will finally be changing their name to “Bill Millers,” in accordance with what everyone else already calls it. I mean, when was the last time you called this Alamo City staple by its government name? If there’s one thing Texans aren’t, it’s formal.
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In a similar vein, the iconic Gruene Hall poked fun at decades of incorrect pronunciations, and if you’ve ever said groo-een, grew-knee or groin, this one’s for you. “Introducing: Green Hall,” the legendary music venue wrote on Instagram alongside a fake image of renovations to the front of the building. “Same historic dance floor, same legendary music, just a fresh coat of paint and name change to finally clear things up. No more “Groo-een,” “Grew-nee,” or “Gru-in”… it’s officially GREEN. Just our way to make sure y’all get it right.”
Elon Musk is all over Texas, but we don’t need him at the San Antonio Zoo
Living in Texas, you probably get a little tired of the Elon Musk headlines. Starbase this, data center that. And if the San Antonio Zoo’s April Fools’ post were true, it’d mark a new era of the X overlord’s involvement in the Alamo City through an underwater elephant viewing tunnel accessible via self-driving Tesla. A couple of things are wrong with that, the most obvious being that no such tunnel exists or probably ever will. But also, there are no elephants at the San Antonio Zoo since they were moved to a sanctuary in 2023.
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The idea that endangered Asian Elephants would make a comeback is something locals didn’t want to be teased about, as one commenter said it had them “genuinely … excited and then devastated.” Here’s the elephant in the room — when it comes to April Fools’ jokes, we should be glad they aren’t true.