Every travel guide to Houston starts by apologizing for Houston. I’ve vowed never to do this, as someone who moved to Houston six years ago and has since joined the city’s legions of passionate defenders. But to love something unconditionally is, by nature, to concede that there may be conditions to apologize for.
This year, between June 14 and July 4, Houston will be one of sixteen North American cities to host World Cup matches. Hordes of cosmopolitan, soccer-loving (football-loving, if you will) Latin Americans and Europeans, accustomed to such quirks as a comprehensive public transportation system and pedestrian infrastructure, may land here (and in Dallas) and think: What is this? But the visitor who fully embraces Houston for what it is will find an infectious culture and really, really good food.
You will probably be staying downtown.
And for that I am sorry. It is perhaps the least interesting part of Houston, but it’s the part with the highest concentration of hotels, and—I will give it this—it’s also the most walkable. Spend some time at Discovery Green, the lovely park full of native plants that is the connective tissue between the Hilton Americas, the Marriott Marquis, and the George R. Brown Convention Center. For a little history, head to the Heritage Society at Sam Houston Park, a collection of historic houses (a rare sighting in these parts) that tell the story of Houston’s evolution from swampy settlement to fourth-largest city in America.
There are a total of two truly great bars in downtown Houston. (If someone’s rebuttal is “What about . . . ,” they are about to mention a good bar, not a great bar.) Access Capt. Foxheart’s Bad News Bar by finding the double doors at 308 Main marked “Ira Aghai Attorney at Law,” go up the stairs, and enter the bar through the door on the left. You’ll go there first for a great cocktail, then head next door to Notsuoh for some of the weirdest (complimentary) vibes you’ve ever encountered at a bar.
For food, mosey east.
East Downtown, insufferably nicknamed EaDo, is the site of the FIFA Fan Festival, a 34-day extravaganza with match-viewing parties and plenty of entertainment. The neighborhood is also your best, closest bet for sampling the city’s food scene.
One of the top bakeries in Houston is a fifteen-minute walk east from Discovery Green. I would be lying if I told you this is a walk Houstonians would make (especially in the summer), but as you are likely carless, I can tell you that the jaunt under the interstate overpass for these baked goods is worth it. Koffeteria exemplifies what the city does best, melding cultures to create something uniquely Houstonian. The pastry case changes daily, but the beef pho kolache is a fixture; other days may bring you such delights as Cambodian elote cornbread or a Danish made with sticky coconut rice and mango.
You’ll have to walk twenty minutes southeast of the park for some of the best breakfast tacos in the state. Consider Texas breakfast-taco discourse in terms of the “I don’t think about you at all” Mad Men meme: San Antonio and Austin are, collectively, Michael Ginsberg, and Houston is Don Draper. If that reference is lost on you, all you need to know is that residents of every Texas city will tell you theirs has the best breakfast tacos, and only Houstonians are correct. (Editors’ note: Opinions shared in this article are those of the author and not of Texas Monthly.) As I was saying, walk to Brothers Taco House and join the long procession of locals in the cafeteria line. The experience is self-explanatory, but if you don’t know your way around a breakfast taco, I suggest potato, egg, and cheese (which I assure you is a legitimate order) or bacon, egg, and cheese.
A bacon “super” at Villa Arcos.Courtesy of Villa Arcos
From Discovery Green, you’re also within easy-ish access (37-minute walk, 7-minute rideshare) to Villa Arcos, in the Second Ward enclave of the larger East End neighborhood. The restaurant’s “supers” are renowned for being not only the biggest but also the best breakfast tacos in town. For more excellent Mexican food, go farther into the East End—though definitely not on foot—to check out Cochinita & Co., a lovely cafe with cochinita pibil (slow-roasted pork) you can have in a taco, in a quesadilla, or as an entrée, with tortillas, rice, and beans. The lion’s mane mushroom taco is a sleeper. Pro tip: Go on a Tuesday evening for lotería (a bingoesque Mexican board game).
The East End is also home to trendy restaurants like the always impressive Nancy’s Hustle, which serves Gulf-influenced New American cuisine (but grab your reservations now—oh, too late); Tiny Champions, for write-home-about pizza and pasta (same owners as Nancy’s Hustle and slightly less busy); and Street to Kitchen, for authentic Thai by a James Beard Award–winning chef. If you’re looking for a neat Texas steakhouse experience, go back downtown and dine at Guard and Grace or the classic Vic & Anthony’s.
The interior of Nancy’s Hustle. Courtesy of Nancy’s Hustle 
Marjolaine cake at Nancy’s Hustle. Courtesy of Nancy’s Hustle
Plan ahead for the stadium.
All the World Cup matches will be played at NRG Stadium, which will be renamed Houston Stadium during the tournament (and then renamed Reliant Stadium in August, but you don’t need to worry about that). The city has created what it’s branding as a Green Corridor between downtown and the venue, a fourteen-mile loop that’s supposedly a “connected network of public transit routes, hike-and-bike trails and public spaces.” Under no circumstances would I recommend you “hike” that “trail.” Metro’s Red Line will bring you from the center of downtown to the stadium in an unimpressive fifty minutes (it’s a twenty-minute drive).
I regret to say I don’t have a more positive take once you eventually get down there. There’s a wealth of commonplace culinary chains along Main Street, should you need to eat before or after a match. Inside the stadium, find the Truth Barbeque stalls or an outpost of El Tiempo, a local Tex-Mex favorite with famously potent margaritas. Better yet, make some time to dine at Truth’s full-service restaurant off Washington Avenue. It’s hands down the best barbecue in the city, along with options like Pinkerton’s, which now has two locations, in the Heights and Upper Kirby.
Inside the Menil Collection. Lauren Marek/Courtesy of The Menil Collection 
Axelrad Beer Garden. Courtesy of Axelrad
You will not really see Houston if you don’t venture beyond downtown and the NRG area. And if you’ll allow me a moment of earnestness, the slight sarcasm you may have detected while reading this guide so far is but a mere coping mechanism, a way to brace myself against the possibility of your having a bad time in a city that is hard to get to know. So please take an extra day or two off (we know you have plenty) to follow a local’s advice.
If you don’t, you’ll miss the concise but world-class art curations of the Menil Collection and the serene experience of sitting in silence in the Rothko Chapel while contemplating the moody paintings of Mark Rothko. Not to mention the nearly 80,000 works at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, the second largest in the Americas. You’ll miss the great downtown views from Buffalo Bayou Park and the reflection pool anchoring Hermann Park and the bigger–than–Central Park vastness of Memorial Park. You’ll miss the dancing, whether organized, at Neon Boots Dancehall and Saloon, or organic, at Axelrad Beer Garden, or somewhere in between, at Club Tropicana. You’ll miss the raucous happy hour at Anvil, the Texan thali at Pondicheri, the tapioca pudding with passion fruit panna cotta and sesame crumble at Jun, and the lamb flatbread washed down with a rum cocktail at the Toasted Coconut. The miles and miles of stellar Vietnamese, Chinese, Viet-Cajun, Thai, Korean, Japanese, Malaysian, you-name-it options along Asiatown’s Bellaire Boulevard. The blissful feeling of chilling with a Lone Star at West Alabama Ice House, fanborne mist barely grazing your face as sweat drips down your lower back.
You will miss much of what makes Houston great, and that would certainly be something to apologize for.
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