Visitors who have trekked to Houston, both global and from the U.S., for the World Cup will discover a great many things about our strange, swampy city. It is a place of contradictions, where a “build-anything-you-want” ethos has mostly resulted in the same urban sprawl you see everywhere else, but at a truly eldritch scale. A city built by oil and for the car has a surprising amount of nice, green park space. Some of the best food anywhere in the country can be found not on the West or East Coasts, but on the Third Coast. But that doesn’t mean that Houston doesn’t have its drawbacks.
Like everywhere else, we have tourist traps, overpriced and overrated spots and places that just plain stink. For the Houston-curious who already spent the equivalent of a down payment on a home to go to a World Cup match, the temptation will be high to get out and see the sights. After all, unless you’re sent on a work trip, when are you coming back?
There are tons of great things to do and see in Houston while you’re here. But the things on the following list are not some of them. I have (extremely subjectively, I might add!) thought of the stuff that is not worth your time in the slightest. I also tried to think of things that are fun to do, but not worth your precious time and money. And I picked a few things that, personally, as a local, I just think aren’t that interesting. Your mileage may vary. Welcome to Houston!
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More like the “Don’t Go Downtown For This” Aquarium
Houston Downtown Aquarium in Houston, Texas on November 4, 2017.
Raymond Boyd/Getty Images
Much ink has been spilled about Houston’s Downtown “Aquarium.” For one, it’s expensive. Going with a family can run you a pretty penny, considering that tickets for adults and children under 42 inches are $25.99 a pop. What does that price get you? Not much.
That’s because Downtown Aquarium is hardly an aquarium at all. There are some fish, but what it’s mostly known for is its tigers. Aside from the fact that tigers are famously not aquatic animals, the tigers are sad-looking. When the aquarium’s last white tiger died, everyone in Houston collectively went, “he’s in a better place now.” The fish that are there are not that impressive. All in all, it’s more about the restaurant and the rides, which you can probably skip.
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Instead, go to the Houston Zoo, which is accessible by public transit. If you’re a tourist here with a rental car, love fish and some time to kill, I’d also recommend going to Moody Gardens in Galveston. As Houston Redditors have pointed out, Moody Gardens is actually certified by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums and is considered to be a pretty good aquarium.
Do you need to go to the Galleria?
Retail stores and the Ice rink at Houston Galleria Mallin Downtown Houston.
Captured Blinks Photography/Getty Images
I am on record as loving a good mall crawl. I’m not too cool to go to the Galleria, get a big pretzel and window shop. But if you’re in town for the World Cup, and unless you’re staying near it and are really in need of clothes, you can probably skip the Galleria. It’s going to be packed. Its accessibility by public transit isn’t the best, and the parking and driving are always a nightmare. In need of souvenirs from Houston? Space Montrose on Westheimer is cute, as are the numerous boutiques in that area. But honestly, skip the souvenirs and just have a meal instead.
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Skip some of the chains, especially Tex-Mex
You may be tempted to eat some Tex-Mex while you’re in Houston. It’s a good idea! Recent peer-reviewed studies have shown that a big ass plate of enchiladas and a margarita is the secret to a long, healthy life. Punching “Tex-Mex” into your GPS might bring up a mega-chain. You can certainly eat there, but why not try some local flair? El Tiempo is a classic local chain, though I’m more of a Candente girly. Ninfa’s will never do you wrong, and they have Houston’s official World Cup mural.
The point is that Houston is full of chains. Don’t be afraid to try a hole-in-the-wall spot restaurant. You will almost always be surprised.
The driving will drive you crazy
A sign along northbound I-610 is incorrectly pointing drivers to Interstate 69 southbound, leading some drivers to have to make sudden lane changes, is shown on Friday, July 26, 2024 in Houston.
Houston Chronicle/Hearst Newspap/Houston Chronicle via Getty Imag
This is a bit oxymoronic, but try not to drive around too much in Houston if you’ve rented a car. Driving is certainly how you get around Houston, but if you’re not familiar with our particular brand of gridlock or don’t really drive at all it will quickly humble you. Houston is two hours away from Houston, and while Google and Apple Maps’ live-traffic tracking is pretty good, you will almost always be driving for longer than you think.
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Instead, see if public transit is an option for you (we made a handy guide!). The buses and trains will be running more frequently, depending on where you’re staying. You will probably want to drive out to a suburb or Galveston if you’re here long enough, and that makes sense. But consider your own sanity before doing so.
Lightning round
I’m sure you’ve heard all about crawfish and you can’t wait to try it. I’m sorry to say that crawfish season, if it’s not over already, is waning. Most experts consider the season to finish around this time of year, though you’ll always find varying assessments. While this year’s fishing season has been much better than in previous years, it’s beginning to wind down. Don’t stress if you’re not able to munch on some mudbugs while you’re in town.
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I’d also recommend that you try not to embark on any crazy outdoor adventures. June and July are, in my opinion, not the worst parts of Houston summers, but it will be hot and muggy and generally unpleasant to be outside if you’re not used to it. Hermann Park and Buffalo Bayou, two of my favorite parks in Houston, are great spots to walk and bike. But if you come from a cooler climate, don’t plan on spending all your time outdoors.