There’s something about West Texans that makes us believe this year will be the year that we finally grow something in our gardens besides the same old tired selection. We stroll through Home Depot with a cart full of dreams, pretending we live somewhere with shade and that we won’t forget to water the garden this year.
Lies, all lies! Why must we do this to ourselves?!
Here are six plants that simply cannot handle what Lubbock dishes out — but bless our hearts, we keep giving them a chance anyway.
🌸 Peonies
They’re gorgeous, they’re dramatic, and they absolutely hate us. Peonies want long, cool springs and gentle summers — not 108 degrees, sideways wind, and red dust. Around here, their bloom time lasts about as long as your patience at the 82nd Street light.
💜 Lilacs
If heaven had a smell, it’d be lilacs. Too bad heaven has better air conditioning. These sweet purple beauties wilt faster than a Yankee at a Texas tailgate. You’ll get one good sniff before they shrivel up and say, “Absolutely not.”
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🌺 Rhododendrons
If your rhododendrons are thriving in Lubbock, please check your coordinates — you might actually be in Maine. These divas need moisture and mild temps, neither of which we can provide. Around here, a rhododendron is basically a high-maintenance houseguest who immediately books a flight home.
🌼 Dahlias
Dahlias are the drama queens of the flower world — gorgeous but impossible. They want Goldilocks conditions: not too hot, not too cold, not too windy. In Lubbock, that means they’re happy for maybe one Tuesday in April before they call it quits.
🌿 Hybrid Clematis
Clematis vines are beautiful — in theory. But in West Texas, the sun cooks them like toast and the wind untangles them faster than you can say “miracle grow.” You can try to baby them, but honestly, you’d have better luck training a raccoon to use the toilet.
🍓 Rhubarb
Every Midwest transplant thinks they’ll be the one to grow rhubarb here. Spoiler alert: you won’t. Rhubarb likes chilly nights and mild summers — not heat waves that feel like Satan’s hair dryer. It’s not a crop; it’s a dream. And in Lubbock, dreams dry up by July.
Did You Learn Something New?
We know better. We do. And yet every spring, we load up our carts with hope and hydration, ready to wage war against the West Texas sun. Maybe we’re gluttons for punishment, or maybe we just believe that someday, somehow, a peony will bloom on the South Plains — and we’ll be there, sweating, crying, and posting about it on Facebook.
Because in Lubbock, gardening isn’t a hobby. It’s an act of faith, and apparently, God has forgotten us…
Keep scrolling for more Lubbock-based fun in the galleries below..
Texas Tech Looks Rather Lovely Covered in SnowLovely images of the Tech campus after a big snow. Gallery Credit: Chrissy 
Maybe you’ll get fired. F*** it. What do you have to lose?
That’s right. Nothing but 3 cats and old takeout boxes. Risk it for the biscuit. 
You could even present them with their favorite treats. Don’t act like you don’t want to smell their Funyun breath, and don’t act like you haven’t thought about it—hard.
They may admire your keen eye for photography, or you may go to jail. The chances are pretty much 50/50. 
They might rush to your side and ask how they can help, leading to a heartfelt conversation in the park where they realize how alike the two of you are.
You might end up at Sunrise Canyon Hospital. It doesn’t matter.
You probably need your meds adjusted anyway. Just roll with it. Scream. 
They might find your dedication impressive. They might call HR.
Less thinking. More doing. 
You’ll never guess what happened next.
She gave him another shot at love.
They didn’t get married or anything, but that’s beside the point.
Chicken pot pie is clearly an underutilized secret weapon.
You’re welcome. LMK how it works out.