I’ve had it with using dating apps in Lubbock. If I had a dollar for every bad date I’ve been on…well…I’d have like three bucks, but that’s beside the point…
Have you ever wondered what Lubbock would post about itself on a dating app if it were an actual person instead of a city? (Probably not. There’s something wrong with me.)
But really, humor me for a moment and think about it…
How would the city vulnerably put itself out there online to catch a dinner and a movie with someone? Would it fail to mention its overgrown grass and dilapidated old buildings? Casually leave out that it doesn’t have a single public pool? Or, do you think it would share something heartfelt, a Bible verse, and a highly filtered image that makes it look WAY better than real life?
I’ve got a few ideas…
If Lubbock were a person, here’s what I think their hinge profile would say…
❤️Name: Lubbock, 114 (21 at heart)
🌪️Location: Somewhere people don’t usually end up on purpose.
📍My Simple Pleasure: Live music at Jake’s Backroom and The Blue Light, tailgates that require 3 days to recover from, and pretending I’m moving to Austin before being spotted at United like nothing happened.
🐮 The Dorkiest Thing About Me: I prefer popular 90s chain restaurants to high-end eateries any day of the week. I can also tell the direction of the wind by the smell alone. It’s either a feedlot, manure, natural gas, or fresh tortillas at Rosa’s.
Read More: Life In Lubbock: A Humorous Take On Local Affection
🍔We’ll get along if: You don’t complain about a first date a the Whataburger drive-thru AND you own at least one hoodie with Texas Tech on it. Also, no beans in the chili, please. No exceptions.
🎸 I’m Known For: Buddy Holly, unforgettable concerts, and inspiring amazing artists to create incredible work by giving them an utter lack of anything else to do with their time. My boredom is their creativity. Everyone is welcome.
💬A Typical Sunday: Church, brunch, and then posting political memes on the internet without fact-checking. My favorite comeback to commentators: “I’m praying for you.” Gets’em every time!
Alright, enough of that silly nonsense. Hope you got a giggle or two. If this hits too close to home, well, it’s because this IS home..
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