If you’ve ever wondered what truly sends West Texans over the edge, all you have to do is ask Facebook. Within minutes, the floodgates open and suddenly everyone is confessing the exact moment their soul left their body, usually somewhere between someone smacking their food and a coworker misusing to and too.
Lubbock folks don’t hold back, and honestly, it’s healing.
The Noises That Ignite Immediate RagePhoto by NANDKUMAR PATEL on Unsplash
Some people can take on a tornado, a haboob, and a 60-mph dirt-storm commute down the Loop…but the sound of someone eating cereal? That’s where we draw the line. Glass bowl, metal spoon — instant fight-or-flight.
And smacking? Loud chewers? Mouth-open eaters? Apparently, that’s the Number One cause of West Texas emotional collapse, right behind the price of brisket and trying to survive 19th street at 8 a.m.
Read More: Where To Find The Best Frozen Hot Chocolate In Lubbock
Grammar Crimes, and Other AtrocitiesPhoto by Clarissa Watson on Unsplash
It turns out that if you say “I seen it” in Lubbock, someone WILL audibly groan.
Also on the list: “Why come?”
A few people also reported experiencing a medical event after seeing a stranger’s phone with 3,000 unread notifications. Delete them. Delete something.
Driving: The Ultimate TriggerPhoto by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
Nothing unites this town like our shared hatred of bad drivers.
Slow people in the passing lane.
People who treat the middle turn lane like a merge lane.
People who slow to 50 mph on the Loop “because their exit is coming up.”
People whose headlights are brighter than Jesus himself.
Even snow isn’t safe. One listener described driving in such deep snow that he considered rewriting his will.
Kids, Teens, Random Strangers, and Other Daily ChallengesPhoto by Aedrian Salazar on Unsplash
Kids are dragging their feet. Teenagers being teenagers. Young shoppers are trying to buy alcohol without an ID. People who think littering is a personality trait. People who disrespect retail workers (may their tires go flat at Discount Tire at 7:50 a.m.).
Meanwhile, some folks are at home fighting for their lives against their Elf on the Shelf.
A Few Anonymous West Texans Had Even More Thoughts…
We also received a few extra gems from last-minute listeners that I can’t leave out.
People who walk slowly when you’re holding the door for them. Speed. It. Up.
Gum chewers who sound like cows at a feeder.
Folks who say, “I’m just being honest,” before being a jerk.
Drivers who leave their blinker on from Slide Road all the way to Idalou.
At this point, the only safe human on earth might be the lady who brings kolaches to work. Donuts will do. But, kolaches will get you a free pass to heaven.
In the End…We’re All Just Trying Not to Lose ItPhoto by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash
If you’re reading this and feeling personally attacked…congratulations, you’re human. Lubbock is full of tiny daily chaos moments that make us roll our eyes, slam on our brakes, or consider throwing someone’s phone into Prairie Dog Town.
But we get through it. Together. Loud chewers and all.
Keep scrolling for more Lubbock fun in the galleries below…
Ten People in Lubbock Who Would 100% Be Left Behind After The Rapture
We aren’t all headed for those pearly gates, and that means more tamales to go around at our apocalypse party!
Gallery Credit: Chrissy
The Seven Natural Disasters of Lubbock
Things get messy around here, folks.
Gallery Credit: Chrissy