Every city has its unspoken rules, but Lubbock doesn’t whisper them. Lubbock screams them through 60-mph winds, sideways dirt storms, and the collective trauma of trying to merge on Loop 289. If you’re new here, or you’ve lived here forever but still make questionable choices, consider this your official guide to Things You Should Absolutely Never Do in Lubbock.

Photo by Randy Laybourne on UnsplashNever Trust the Weather App

Lubbock weather is a pathological liar. You’ll wake up to sunshine, eat lunch in a dust storm, and drive home in hail the size of emotional support grapes. If your forecast says “calm winds,” it’s trolling you. If it says “breezy,” cancel everything.

Never Assume Your Patio Furniture Will Still Be There Tomorrow

If it weighs less than your firstborn child, it’s gone. Kiss it goodbye. The wind owns it now. Check the Amarillo lost-and-found if you’re feeling optimistic.

Never Talk Trash About Someone’s Favorite Mexican Restaurant

There are a few topics that will start a West Texas fistfight: barbecue, high school football, and WHICH MEXICAN RESTAURANT HAS THE BEST SALSA. Choose your words wisely. Or don’t…I’d like to watch.

Never Expect the Dirt to Come Off Your Car

You can wash it, bless your heart, but that’s really just giving the universe a clean canvas for the next dust storm. We all drive around looking like our cars survived the Oregon Trail. It’s part of the charm.

Photo by Ron McClenny on UnsplashNever Assume a Loose Dog Belongs to No One

It belongs to EVERYONE and NO ONE. It is a neighborhood free spirit. It will escort you to your mailbox, bark at a tumbleweed, and then jog home like it pays taxes.

Never Blink While You’re Driving on the Loop

The Loop is basically Mario Kart with higher stakes. People merging at 45. People merging at 95. People are using their blinkers ironically. If you blink, you’re going to miss your exit, your turn, or your will to live.

Never Leave Anything Lightweight Outside

Trash cans, trampolines, decorative holiday inflatables, and pretty much everything else become airborne in Lubbock. We don’t decorate for Christmas; we launch it into orbit.

Never Expect a Snow Day

Every winter, Lubbock kids dream. And every winter, Lubbock ISD says, “Put on some boots and get over it.” You will go to school. You will go to work. You will slide there sideways, but you’re going.

Read More: What To Expect From The New Broadway Market In Lubbock

Never Underestimate a Lubbock Grandma

They will tell you you’re cold because you’re “not wearing socks.” They will guilt you, feed you, pray for you, bless you, and roast you all in the same sentence.

Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on UnsplashNever Assume You’re Eating Alone

Put on headphones at a restaurant, and someone will absolutely tap you on the shoulder to ask why you hate society. It’s a Lubbock tradition.

In Conclusion…

Lubbock is wild, weird, windy, and wonderful,  but she demands respect. Follow the rules, prepare for the chaos, and always bring a lint roller. The dirt is undefeated.

Keep scrolling for more chaos in the galleries below…

The Great West Texas Yard Art Show

We’ve got all kinds of stuff in our yards, friends. If you drive by something you like, kindly grab a photo and move on. We don’t take theft lightly around these parts! We’d probably show you how to make them and get you a glass of tea if you’d just knock and ask!

Gallery Credit: Chrissy

The Lubbock Escape Plan Necessities

You’re not going to make it out of here easily, but these might come in handy.