Columnist John Moore knows the Southern search words to buy things online now that the\u00a0Thrifty Nickel\u00a0is gone. Courtesy John Moore\/Facebook<\/p>\n
The South used to rely on the\u00a0Thrifty Nickel\u00a0as our garage sale newspaper, but like many things these days, the Nickel was replaced by the Internet. Specifically, Facebook Marketplace.<\/p>\n
Instead of waiting for the paper to hit the newsstands, we now wait for \u201cNew Listing\u201d to appear on a Marketplace posting.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re not on social media, Facebook is a social media platform where people share videos of cats playing the piano, pictures of themselves sitting in cars, and list items they want to sell. That\u2019s where the marketplace piece comes in.<\/p>\n
In the old days in Ashdown, Arkansas, if we wanted other people\u2019s stuff, we had to wait until they put it in their driveway and sat in a lawn chair with a glass of sweet tea and haggled with us over the price.<\/p>\n
Later, a newspaper called\u00a0Thrifty Nickel\u00a0was published and placed on newsstands. The price was right (free), and the same folks who used to park in front of yard sales at 6 a.m. when it didn\u2019t start until 7 a.m., were now waiting for the Nickel to be delivered on Thursday.<\/p>\n
When you found an item you wanted, you called quickly, before someone else could haggle with the owner, who now was inside sitting in a La-Z-Boy, sipping on sweet tea.<\/p>\n
At least the\u00a0Nickel\u00a0got us out of the weather.<\/p>\n
Southerners have a long tradition of buying and selling from each other. Rumor has it that the same Chester drawers has been part of every single family in Ashdown since the piece was made during the war. For those who\u2019ve never heard of Chester drawers, they\u2019re often mistakenly referred to as \u201cchest of drawers.\u201d The war refers to the Hatfield\u2019s and McCoy\u2019s.<\/p>\n
For another example, if you are in the market for a Chester drawers with a mirror, that\u2019s just called a dresser. A good dresser weighs as much as a Buick and requires at least five cousins to help you move it.<\/p>\n
If you need a Chester drawers\u2019 taller cousin, the chiffonier wardrobe, search for a chiffarobe. Every respectable person south of the Mason Dixon calls it a chiffarobe. It\u2019s similar to a high boy (not to be confused with the fella in the La-Z-Boy who has something other than sweet tea in his Razorback mug), but it\u2019s called a chiffarobe if it\u2019s for a girl.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re looking for a piece of furniture that people used before indoor plumbing, you want to search for a warsh stand. The fancy term is a washater. Not to be confused with a warsh-a-teria, which is where you take your laundry. A warsh-a-teria is normally found near a trailer park, but you might find one for sale on marketplace.<\/p>\n
To replace your refrigerator, search for an icebox or a Frigidaire. The terms are interchangeable, but be careful. Most searches for icebox or Frigidaire will turn up refrigerators that are harvest gold or avocado green. The good news is iceboxes and Frigidaire\u2019s never die. Expect them to outlast Keith Richards.<\/p>\n
A search for vintage shoes should be spelled, \u201ctennie shoes.\u201d Or, tennies for short. Most searches for these will reveal shoes from a fella named Buster Brown or one of his Keds.<\/p>\n
Maybe you use your fireplace often during the colder months and want to clean it. The best way to find a good do-it-yourself kit is to search for a \u201cchimley cleaner.\u201d Almost every Southern home includes a fireplace and chimley. Unless you live in a trailer.<\/p>\n
If you live in a mobile home, search for a coloil heater if you\u2019re having a hard time staying warm. It\u2019s short for coal oil, but it actually refers to kerosene, which should\u2019ve been part of the name, but isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
If you are having trouble paying your light bill, search for a coloil lamp. Most coal oil lamps were made by Aladdin, who made them in his spare time when he wasn\u2019t granting wishes.<\/p>\n
Enclosing your front porch? You\u2019ll need a wire door. Some people called them a screen door, but if they call them a screen door, they\u2019re usually rich. A good wire door will keep the flies away from your Frigidaire, which is normally found right outside your front entrance and contains what the guy with the Razorback mug drinks.<\/p>\n
I hope tis has helped in your transition to online Southern shopping. If you have a good deal on a Razorback mug, don\u2019t list it on marketplace. I\u2019ll take it. Leave the wire door open for me.<\/p>\n
By John Moore, author, Puns for Groan People and Write of Passage: A Southerner\u2019s View of Then and Now Vol. 1 and 2, are available on his website TheCountryWriter.com, where you can also send him a message.<\/p>\n