<\/p>\n
A strawberry margarita from El Tiempo Cantina at Daikin Park. I did not take this photo. That’s easy to tell even without the credit, because unlike the photos I took, this one is actually good.<\/p>\n
Ana Khan\/ Houston Chronicle <\/p>\n
Every place has its legends<\/a>. Sasquatch<\/a> haunting the piney woods of East Texas; Nessie lurking in a dark Scottish loch. Alligators lurking in sewers (or swimming happily down a hurricane-flooded I-10).<\/p>\n The truths of these myths are less about facts and more about the stories we need to tell ourselves in any given moment. A way to explain a shadow in the woods, an abstract fear to replace the very tangible ones the world offers every day.<\/p>\n Most can\u2019t necessarily be proven (the Bigfoot enthusiasts, I know, will disagree), but one of Houston\u2019s urban legends can be measured with the right tools, and that\u2019s how I ended up at an Astros game with my hands around a cold margarita.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n For the uninitiated: El Tiempo, a famous Houston Mexican restaurant, opened in the Astros ballpark<\/a> in 2022. Videos of people<\/a> stumbling around the stadium or slumped over in their seats with empty cups in their hands, went viral last year. And so one of Houston\u2019s legends was born: The El\u00a0Tiempo margs at the ballpark were the strongest in the city.<\/p>\n Of course, the videos didn\u2019t prove the margaritas were to blame. We didn\u2019t know whether the fans had eaten a hot dog or nothing but margaritas, or how hot it was in the ballpark that day,\u00a0or what else they\u2019d been drinking. So I set out to determine whether the El\u00a0Tiempo marg was actually as potent as its reputation. I was also curious why the drink had stopped being just a menu item and become a rite of passage for anyone old enough to order one. To find out, I had to join the club: grab a drink and see what happened.\u00a0<\/p>\n Maybe I was also looking for the kind of human connection that comes from doing the same thing as a bunch of strangers. Maybe I just hoped watching the Astros would be easier through the hazy glasses as the season limps to a close<\/a>, the division title still, somehow, potentially going to the Arlington Rangers.\u00a0<\/p>\n ASTROS END GAME:\u00a0What the end of the season could look like<\/a><\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n Or maybe it was all just an excuse to get drunk on the company dime and call it work.<\/p>\n So I bought a breathalyzer and set off for\u00a0Daikin Park in an orange Carlos Correa jersey<\/a>. I brought a marker and a notebook. I even created a spreadsheet on my phone to track time, sips, innings, feelings. This, I decided, would be science.\u00a0<\/p>\n I did no research on the breathalyzer. I just picked the one I knew was so cheap that no one would mind if I expensed it.<\/p>\n Sarah Smith<\/p>\n After the game, I stumbled out into the night sans notebook, the spreadsheet left blank and my phone’s notes app full of letters that, at times, added up to words.\u00a0<\/p>\n Below are the unabridged notes. I am sorry to disclose that nothing from said notes app has been edited from its original version. I have annotated as best I can.\u00a0<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n 654 pm in line\u00a0 I hate being in line for anything <\/p>\n Employee in an\u00a0Astros comber (comber?) eases people through the line. Come on down she says. I stopped by the first El Tiempo stand I saw on the first floor of the ballpark, 15 minutes before the first pitch. The line snaked almost to the door. Children sang the national anthem; most people wore some form of sports attire; I smelled the cloying scent of food fried in dubiously old oil, but more than anything, I felt like I had been transported into a too-long\u00a0TSA line.\u00a0We shuffled ahead, half-step by half-step, as employees boomed repeatedly to have our IDs out and ready.\u00a0<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n Couple behind me holding hands\u00a0 I realized this was less a reflection on\u00a0Houstonians who can\u2019t be apart from their significant others and more a reaction to El Tiempo\u2019s summer 2025 policy change: They would only serve one marg per ID<\/a>.<\/p>\n I should also add that Chris Murray, an El Tiempo spokesperson, assured me the drinks at the ballpark are no more alcoholic than those at an El Tiempo restaurant. Perhaps we\u2019re all suffering from mass psychosis.<\/p>\n Woman cups her hands over her mouth and hollers: IDS OUT PLEASE\u00a0 We were in line to order a famously alcoholic drink. Surely everyone knew we\u2019d need to have our IDs out.<\/p>\n Article continues below this ad<\/p>\n Frozen or fresh.\u00a0 I pride myself on my research ability, but this endeavor humbled me even before I got my hands on my cup: I didn\u2019t know they offered frozen and on the rocks.<\/p>\n I worried this could throw off the experiment, so I frantically Googled which had a higher alcohol content. The AI-generated results said a frozen margarita would be stronger. I asked the question in a slightly different way. The AI was confident that a fresh margarita would be stronger.<\/p>\n Woman two ahead of me does not have id out <\/p>\n Perhaps there should have been more yelling.\u00a0<\/p>\n The line for the marg before the game had begun stretched nearly to the door. I have absolutely no patience and hate lines, but I stood in this one in\u00a0the name of journalism.<\/p>\n Sarah Smith<\/p>\n two people to handle line<\/p>\n I decided to opt for frozen.<\/p>\n Server: Salt tajine in or naked He pointed out that I had something on my face. Probably toothpaste, I said. You\u2019re cute, he replied. I like that you brush your teeth. I suggested he raise his standards. Mercifully, he handed me my drink, and the interaction ended.\u00a0<\/p>\n I realized I should have been more specific when I said I hoped to find human connection.<\/p>\n Why did I bring an expo not a permanent marker <\/p>\n I tried to draw lines on my glass to help with the measurements. The lines immediately rubbed off. This is the selling point of the Expo marker. This should not have been a surprise.<\/p>\n 7:16 Fear of the ball coming to me\u00a0 This, I think, was a reflection on the Astros’ pitching more than on how much I\u2019d had to drink.\u00a0<\/p>\n People say alcohol can make them feel invincible, but maybe the true purpose of the El Tiempo marg at Daikin Park is to make us believe that the Astros are still invincible.<\/p>\n Overfilled important for science <\/p>\n Maybe everyone\u2019s frozen\u00a0marg is filled past the rim. Or maybe it\u2019s because I brushed my teeth.<\/p>\n This was the marg before I’d had a sip. My photography is terrible, and I was sober at the time, so I really have no excuse.<\/p>\n Sarah Smith<\/p>\n Toddler looks at me I am sure I tried to telegraph this to the toddler with my eyes. \u00a0<\/p>\n 721 am I getting a brain freeze or drink (drunk?)<\/p>\n Like\u00a0obj or Nixon, voice memos <\/p>\n Nixon? I was recording voice memos\u00a0\u2014 was I likening this to the Watergate tapes?<\/p>\n If I am to judge by my notes app, this is the point where I began to feel the effects of the alcohol.\u00a0<\/p>\n It had only been 5 minutes since my first sip. Several<\/a> reliable<\/a> sources <\/a>(not AI) say alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream five to ten minutes after you start drinking, so I was at the very edge of the window. Maybe this was evidence that we get so drunk off the marg simply because we want permission to be silly.<\/p>\n But we don\u2019t need to judge my drunkenness by my notes app. That is why I brought the breathalyzer.<\/p>\n Pete\u00a0lamber (Lambert) 1 run on 3 hits<\/p>\n You might have remembered that this entire endeavor took place at an\u00a0Astros game. You might be wondering how the game was going. It\u2019s a good question, because I had absolutely no idea. \u00a0<\/p>\n Usually I am locked into the Astros. Should you doubt me, I have several references.<\/p>\n I am so distracted by\u00a0marg what is gear <\/p>\n Gear? Door? Couldn\u2019t tell you.<\/p>\n 10 min in, barely scratched. A centimeter down (<\/p>\n This is when I breathalyzed myself for the first time. So my incoherence wasn\u2019t because of the tequila. Maybe it was just my typing. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse for whimsy. In this particular timeline, I\u2019ve found myself snatching whatever whimsy I can.<\/p>\n Alternately, a disclaimer: I\u2019d bought my knockoff\u00a0breathalyzer from Amazon for $19.99 (plus tax plus $2.29 for overnight shipping). I\u2019d forgotten I shared an Amazon account with my mother, who gets the email receipts, so she promptly called to ask what was wrong. I asked what she meant, and she said: \u201cYour Amazon purchase.\u201d<\/p>\n Most breathalyzers on Amazon cost around $150. So take its readings as you will. \u00a0<\/p>\n Did not bring the proper tools \u00a0 Because I was still committed to science and my Expo marker had proven useless, I tried to measure by my thumbnails.\u00a0<\/p>\n My organs are pickling \u00a0<\/p>\n I should also offer some context here. When I explained this test-a-notoriously-strong-drink conceit to a friend, he reminded me I am unable to have more than half a gin before I get drunk. Later, in an unrelated conversation, I told him he\u2019s nicer than I am and then paused to admit the bar for being nicer than I am is on the floor. He said, Just like you\u2019ll be after that drink.<\/p>\n So perhaps my organs pickle faster than others\u2019.\u00a0<\/p>\n My thumbnail is approximately 1.5 centimeters across.<\/p>\n Greatest fear to be on a sabers but now could I\u00a0<\/p>\n Sabers? What is a saber? A saber-tooth tiger? Using context clues: My greatest fear is to be on the Jumbotron (sabers) as a ball hurtles my way, and I inevitably fumble it and\/or simply cower. But maybe the El Tiempo marg would somehow make me coordinated.<\/p>\n Did I mean \u201cpitching\u201d?\u00a0<\/p>\n I think this was 20 minutes in. I blew a 0.09.<\/p>\n Perhaps a $19.99 (plus tax plus $2.29 shipping) breathalyzer would not hold up in court.<\/p>\n According to the Texas Department of Transportation, I was past the legal limit of 0.08. I could not drive, I could not fly, I could not boat. I had no intention of driving and I have a healthy fear of small planes, but I am always looking for an excuse to get on\/in the water.\u00a0<\/p>\n Fortunately, I did not have access to a boat.<\/p>\n No one comments on me breathalyzer <\/p>\n I first read this as \u201con me breathalyzer,\u201d as though I am a pirate. My editor suggested I might have meant to insert a comma. This is why she is an editor, and I am not.\u00a0<\/p>\n But imagine, for a moment: You are at a baseball game. You see a woman sipping a notoriously strong drink, then immediately breathalyzing herself and giggling. Wouldn\u2019t you have questions?<\/p>\n I think I was trying to take a photo of the Breathalyzer by the cup to show how much I’d had to drink. Since the whole actual measurement thing wasn’t working.<\/p>\n Sarah Smith<\/p>\n The toddler kept looking at me. <\/p>\n 32 minutes in, still blowing a 0.09<\/p>\n It I were next to someone breathalyxinh themselves while drinking if ask Qs\u00a0<\/p>\n Was the toddler the only observant human around me? Did people notice but not care? Were they curious but too awkward to ask? Maybe this is part of what\u2019s wrong with our society. We\u2019re tucked so far behind our screens that we no longer know how to tap someone on the shoulder and say,\u00a0Hey, are you breathalyzing yourself?<\/p>\n I believe this was the breathalyzer\u2019s way of telling me I was too drunk to use it properly.<\/p>\n I do not know. To my editor: I am so sorry I took your title in vain.<\/p>\n I feel serene 1\/3 there \u00a0<\/p>\n I am almost never serene.<\/p>\n \u00bd????? Does this woman\u00a0tvibf an alcoholic is waving at her kid\u00a0 At some point, I also found Blue Bell.<\/p>\n I hi five strangere sad sass <\/p>\n I do not recall high-fiving\u00a0anyone. When I am sober, I do not generally high-five strangers. But for better or worse, I\u2019ve been a journalist for a decade, and I believe my notes.\u00a0<\/p>\n I do know I wandered, Blue Bell pint in hand, peering at other people\u2019s stadium food. One man had wings. I asked where he got them. I was too drunk to remember the answer.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what this means, but I do know that I acquired chicken fingers. I know this because of my credit card statement, not because I remember them.<\/p>\n Marg waits sir me half wa <\/p>\n At one point, I had chocolate sauce smeared on my legs. I only know this because I recorded it in a voice memo. To the recipient of said voice memo: I am sorry.<\/p>\n Sending halt much tequila\u00a0 I believe this is meant to be \u201c2\/3 thru.\u201d As in, I had downed two-thirds of the overflowing cup. Because my lofty scientific methods had proven woefully inadequate against the tequila, I don\u2019t know if this counted the overflow.<\/p>\n I blew a 0.13. I have photo evidence.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Server tells: have your ids IN YOUR HAND. IDs out and IN YOUR HAND\u00a0
7pm
In line for 10m<\/p>\n
IDS OUT please \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
I am the only solo person in the line <\/p>\n
IDS OUT IDS OUT<\/p>\n
What is science\u00a0
Does it matter probs no<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Me: Naked
Him: How I like my women <\/p>\n
Begin drinking before my seat
So much tequila\u00a0
So cold<\/p>\n
Do not know the pitcher\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Blond\u00a0
No bars (bags?) under his eyes\u00a0
I tell him to make better choices <\/p>\n
2 thumbnails in 15m<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Not cute
I want a chicken. Ugh et \u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0While. M i. Mm S saw
On The note water\u00a0
Find water <\/p>\n
1h
2\/3 they\u00a0<\/p>\n