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The beneficiary: “Kyle” is a 69-year-old retired business owner who lives in Northern Ontario. “Go a few hours south and then you’ll hit North Bay,” he says, laughing. One of seven siblings, Kyle is a happily married family man with three kids and a gaggle of grown grandchildren who keep this boomer couple always busy and on the move.
The inheritance: Last year, Kyle’s mother passed away at age 96. With co-operation from his siblings, he had been managing his mom’s finances for 15 years, winding down her remaining RRIF and several GICs that were laddered out over her final years. Even as the family finance manager, the contents of the will – which was rewritten a few times over the years – were largely unknown. “I was privy to some of the information in the will, but not all of it,” Kyle says.
Upon the reveal, large amounts of his mother’s remaining estate went to various charities and the rest was divided equally between the five surviving siblings (and, very kindly, the other two’s widows). After settling the final income tax, accounting and legal bills, each received nearly $50,000. “Everybody was treated exactly equally,” Kyle says. Perfectly fair, right?
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Well, just a few days after Kyle’s mother passed away, one of his brothers suffered a massive stroke. Though he’d made his share of statements of intent, he’d never actually gotten around to writing them down to update his will. Now he has dementia and memory problems, so he’s had to move into a long-term care home that costs more than $10,000 out of pocket per month. Suddenly, what’s “fair” isn’t quite so clear.
What he’s doing with it: Right now, Kyle is minding his business while his brother’s immediate family decides how they want to proceed. “His assets are having to be sold, and it’s causing some friction between his children and his new wife,” he says. Animosity is mounting all around, and Kyle’s siblings can’t agree on the best course of action or what his brother would want. “I have my thoughts on what should happen, but at this point it’s not my decision to make,” he says.
In the meantime, the unfortunate situation has completely changed Kyle’s plans – not just for his inheritance, but the entirety of his accumulated wealth. To protect his immediate family from a similar fate, he explains, “I kept a portion for myself in case of emergency and set up several insurance policies in case anything like this ever happens to me.”
The rest (likely close to seven figures, as the estate continues to climb in value) will go to his three sons – not in surprise, equally sized lump sums after his death, but in manageable increments over the next few years according to particular needs and situations, all while Kyle keeps tabs to make sure things even out (almost) perfectly in the end.
The revelation: Since his brother’s stroke, Kyle has thought a lot about how he might better incorporate the notion of need into his understanding of equality. “One of my sons has quite a good job but he won’t ever have much of a pension. Another has a tough time managing his money. The youngest is very good at managing money, but he has some mental-health challenges to consider,” he says.
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Life isn’t fair, but Kyle’s hoping his new inheritance strategy will have his sons taking care of each other along the way – hopefully without mounting resentments that one received so much more than another. “Maybe not all at the same time, but if I give one son $30,000 because he needs it,” he explains, “I’ll give another the same amount when the circumstances change.”
Most importantly, Kyle didn’t procrastinate on the new plan. “I’ve learned that anything can happen and often does, so you can’t wait.” Telling people what you want isn’t enough, and you just might set your family up for inevitable or even insurmountable conflict. Unlike his own parents, Kyle’s going the full-disclosure route, shouting his inheritance plans far and wide.
Some details may be changed to protect the privacy of the person profiled. We want to thank them for sharing their story. Have you recently received an inheritance and would like to participate in Inherited? Send us an e-mail.