Shore Losers
Season 1
Episode 7
Editor’s Rating
3 stars
***
Photo: Scott Gries/Bravo
“I’m about to literally lose it,” Ariana yells during the cast dinner in Ocean City, where unintelligible chaos has broken out over the group not coming to a consensus over whether or not to exile Charlie. The problem is, the show ends the scene before we see her literally lose it. Perhaps because the fight lacks any real cohesion or clarity, the editors instead focus on Brooks trying to “disengage,” and they cut away before we even get to see how this cacophony of yelling ends. We were teased with the explosive beginnings of something, and then simply fast-forward to the next day when Brooks and Emira are checking their shark-tracking app. This is unacceptable.
I don’t care about the sharks unless they’re coming to dinner and are gonna start fighting with Ariana. Another example of this show skirting over the actual drama comes when we get a flashback of Hudson and Charlie making peace over Charlie repeatedly saying that he’d like to hook up with Ariana. Though I will say in that case, I do understand that it was likely presented as a flashback because it was completely unfulfilling. “And that’s whatever, I got a bad bitch,” Hudson says, barely defending Ariana at all as they put that indiscretion behind them with ease.
Meanwhile, rather than ending up back at the house she’s staying at, Georgia wakes up in the Ocean Casino High Roller Suite, courtesy of Omar. As she munches on what appears to be some sort of egg-white scramble from room service, Riley calls to check in and tells her how happy she was to see her stand up for herself the previous night before they meet up for some well-earned cabana time. Look how far they’ve come from Riley judging Georgia’s dirty hands! This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and surely nothing will happen to ruin it by the end of this episode.
While those two are bonding, everybody else is tubing, which is where Emira brings up the comment Georgia made yesterday about her “Ozempic wearing off.” This is the first time it’s being discussed, which means either Emira has spent more time thinking about it since then or that production got in her ear to remind her that it’s small comments like these that need to be brought up to the group and dissected when you’re on reality television. In either case, at least Emira finally has a conflict story line brewing this season — just under the wire!
She thinks talking about what someone’s eating is the most classless thing in the world, and while it is classless (a word that I’m led to believe was invented explicitly for reality-television purposes), I can think of several things that are even more classless — like refusing to help your friends grocery shop and DoorDashing Red Robin, for example. Oops, there I go talking about what she’s eating. But in my defense, it was Red Robin, which I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. In all seriousness, it’s a valid complaint, especially as she explains her history and how talking about food like that triggers issues from her past. The timing of this is just unfortunate for Georgia, who already has enough ire from the group on her plate at the moment (no pun intended).
But speaking of triggers, I laughed out loud when Gia’s boyfriend, Christian, found out that Charlie was 29 and suggested that he would probably be having kids soon. A comment like that, from one of the hundreds of 23-year-olds that Charlie hangs around, is enough to shake him to his core and make him jump overboard. And, in fact, that’s exactly what he does. Sure, technically it isn’t because of the comment but rather because Riley somehow tripped and dropped her phone into the sea while walking up the dock — but still.
When she offers up $1,000 to anyone who dives in after it, Charlie springs to his feet, takes off his Rolex, and jumps in. Forget sticking his friends with the bill; this is the strongest indication yet that Charlie’s finances are much worse off than appearances might lead us to believe. Maybe he took that Rolex off so it wouldn’t turn his skin green?
When he fails to retrieve the phone, we have to call in the big guns: Georgia, who happens to be topless under the hotel bathrobe that she arrived in. She borrows a shirt, swan-dives in, and emerges from the cloudy water and immediately admits defeat. But perhaps the best attempt comes from Brooks, who calls Riley’s number in hopes of hearing it ring underwater.
With two of her friends having now dived off the dock in an attempt to save her phone, it’s only then that Riley discloses that it’s no big deal because she still has her “second phone” on her. But, in her defense, Riley says that the one she dropped was the one with good service. Maybe Riley was inspired to double up on phones after seeing Georgia use her laptop in the club for a month after she simply lost her phone behind her bed.
Later that night, the whole cast dresses in their best Jersey Shore attire for dinner, hopefully in a Method-like attempt to create great reality television. And it sort of works! Georgia and Ariana quickly apologize and put last night’s drama to bed, but when one conflict gets extinguished, another quickly rises to take its place. Georgia excitedly tells them all about her plan to open a bowling-alley-themed club, but Emira sees this as an opportunity to talk about what she wants to talk about instead. When food comes up, Emira advises her not to comment on what her patrons are eating.
Naturally, given that the pivot was a bit shoehorned, this goes right over Georgia’s head … until Emira explains herself and brings up the comment from yesterday. I’ll hand it to Emira; her finding even the slightest opening for this complaint and going for it thoroughly entertained me (as did her shading of Ava for skipping this trip for an event that Emira had passed on). Equally entertaining was the way Georgia quickly, in a matter of seconds, apologized for her misstep and moved on like she had never been interrupted at all.
“Bowling is the great unifier; everyone loves bowling,” she explains, and everybody is politely nodding along and trying to hide their confusion …until she mentions food being served on cafeteria trays, at which point Riley can no longer bite her tongue. “Georgia, all I’m gonna say is this is a terrible idea,” she says, and I gasped a gasp of heartbreak. Georgia was so excited to tell her friends about this idea, and Riley, whom we normally love, was so rude. It stings even more after the great friendship-building day they just had.
It was so out of line that even Gia had to step in to check her, saying, “Riley, don’t be nasty.” Something I will say about this group is that there is no such thing as an alliance, which is sort of proving to be the source of most of the drama. On other reality shows, when a conflict comes up, things usually fall neatly into preestablished party lines. But, perhaps because very few in this cast were ever real friends, those loyalties don’t exist, so chaos reigns supreme. Riley quickly apologizes for her harsh delivery, but this unleashes a public forum on her pattern of being blunt like this (whether tipsy or not), so she ends up storming off. That’s okay, Riley, more bowling for me!
While they do make a solid attempt to recover from this, naturally, it festers up again back at the house later in the night. Shai makes an innocuous comment about it being a silly, privileged fight given the nice trip they’re on, then smartly vanishes into thin air before Georgia and Riley start fighting over whether Georgia is privileged or not.
As Brooks stands in the doorway, listening to this new fight spiral out of control, there’s a fear in his weary eyes. He looks on at this monstrous environment he’s created, perhaps wondering why he brought this fresh hell upon himself in the first place by bringing these people together. It’s like Oppenheimer forced to see the destruction that he wrought.
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