Good afternoon, football fans, I hope your NFL Sunday went better than mine did.

Don’t worry, I know Zach already covered it yesterday, so I won’t dwell on the nauseating display of shame and embarrassment that was the Week 1 Miami Dolphins game.

And since my husband is a Bears fan (it’s rough around here), last night’s collapse at the hands of J.J. “Babyface” McCarthy just solidified that we are in for a long 2025 NFL campaign.

And so, Tennessee Volunteers, my household turns its lonely eyes to you (woo woo woo) to maintain my sanity and mental health this football season. And you have Georgia on Saturday.

No pressure.

In happier news, I am headed to the Free State of Florida this weekend to visit my parents. They live in the Tampa/St. Pete area, and I cannot wait to get out on the water, eat some fresh seafood and spend a few days away from the company laptop. (Speaking of, be nice to Matt Reigle when he fills in for me next Tuesday).

Now, let’s settle in and get to some Nightcaps, shall we?

Sabrina Carpenter Channels Britney Spears In Her Prime

I know the VMAs were two whole days ago, but for some reason, Sabrina Carpenter’s VMA antics are all over my social media feeds. 

I’ll admit I’m not really hip to the music the kids are listening to these days (I’m in my 30s, though I’m a grandmother at heart), but Sabrina apparently performed her new song “Tears” live for the first time at the VMAs on Sunday. I say this with all the love in the world, but I’ve heard a handful of Sabrina Carpenter songs, and I cannot decipher what she’s saying half the time. It’s not the Auto-Tune, I don’t think, it’s just that she sings in a sort of high-pitched breathy whisper where most of her words just run together.

I think the most famous song is where she says “nana nana neeee ahh ohhh a oh nespresso” and another one that calls her boyfriend a mother*cker, but that’s really all I’ve got.

Now I’m starting to sound like Skip Bayless.

Anyway, I Googled this song from the VMA performance to figure out what she was saying. The first lyrics are “I get wet at the thought of you being a responsible guy.” Which made me (quite literally) LOL. The song is all about how women get turned on when men do helpful things like washing the dishes and assembling chairs from IKEA.

I’m not even kidding. Incredible stuff. Maybe I will start listening to Sabrina Carpenter.

Anyway, here’s the performance:

If that looks familiar to you, it should. The dance, the costume and the stage setup are a nod to Britney Spears’ iconic 2001 “Dream Within a Dream” tour. (Except Britney did it without the drag queens and trans pride propaganda).

Man, those were the good old days. Back when I didn’t have to pay bills and cell phones didn’t have TikTok… and when Bad Bunny could hop around without requiring a visit to his physical therapist.

I guess he is a pretty bad bunny after all.

Anyway, Sabrina wasn’t done stealing other people’s looks at the VMAs after that Britney-inspired performance. Her red carpet look was inspired by Miss Piggy.

That is NOT me insulting her, by the way. Sabrina herself posted a photo of Miss Piggy wearing a similar red dress and fur shawl on her Instagram carousel.

And for the after party, she wore a dress inspired by Cher at a private venue meant to pay homage to Studio 54.

I mean, sheesh, doesn’t anyone do anything original anymore? Let’s make 14 more Superman movies while we’re at it.

Oh, speaking of movies…

‘The Long Walk’ Looks Awesome

Look, I know Stephen King is a left-wing nutjob, but the man can write a story. You gotta give him that.

I first saw the trailer for The Long Walk a couple of weeks ago when my husband and I went to see Weapons (solid flick, by the way). I average about one trip to the movie theater a year, but I may have to make an exception for this one.

If you haven’t seen the trailer, you can watch it below. But I believe the gist is that a group of men must walk at 4.0 miles per hour indefinitely until only one of them remains. If you stop or slow down, someone shoots you in the head with a rifle.

A real feel-good film!

Apparently, in California, at least one movie theater did a “treadmill screening,” where moviegoers each had their own treadmill and had to maintain at least a 3.0-mph pace for the entirety of the film’s 1 hour and 48 minutes. (Hopefully, they don’t include the pre-movie trailers, too, because those last about 30 extra minutes these days.) If you slow down or stop, you’re out.

They didn’t shoot anyone in the head, but losers were escorted out of the theater without an opportunity to finish watching the movie.

Honestly, I think this would have been a good time. I already watch TV on my phone when I do cardio on a treadmill, so I have plenty of practice.

The gym I used to go to in Nashville had a “cardio theater” with rows of treadmills, stair steppers, bikes and elliptical machines in front of a huge movie-theater-style screen, and I always thought that was such a good idea. It was a real lifesaver back in my bikini competition days, when I had to do hours and hours of cardio every week. Unfortunately, no one ever mercifully escorted me out of the theater when I got tired, though.

Travis Kelce & Patrick Mahomes Are Opening A Steakhouse

Apparently, Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes don’t make enough money already, so they’re opening a restaurant in Kansas City.

1587 Prime, according to its website, is “a contemporary steakhouse from NFL legends Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce, created in partnership with Noble 33 and infused with the spirit of Kansas City.” In other words, it’s the sort of place frequented by people who are in a very different tax bracket than I am.

The restaurant doesn’t officially open until the 17th, but some friends and family attended a soft opening yesterday. 

You may have seen video of this flaming drink — called “The Alchemy” — all over X this morning:

I looked up the ingredients, and it’s really just a glorified cosmo, but it comes with a magic lightshow and the privilege of paying $30.

Actually, I don’t know how much it costs because they didn’t list the prices on the menu — which is generally a good indication that the cocktail costs about $30.

But they also have tableside martini service, if that’s more your thing.

You think you’re so creative, Pat and Trav, but joke’s on you. My favorite Mexican restaurant down the street has been doing tableside guacamole for years.

Plus, who needs fancy steakhouses when we already bullied Cracker Barrel back into submission?

Stuff I Liked

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.