Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I had what I thought was an excellent interview. Seemed to hit it off with the manager. She even gave me her direct phone number and said she would have an answer the following week. She seemed to like all my answers to her questions. We also bonded over the fact her mom has dementia and I told her my grandmother had Alzheimer’s. I wound up receiving another job offer. So over a week went by I called and left her a message. I never heard back. I then called my HR contact and told her I received a job offer but their job opening was my first choice. The HR person assured me she would get me an answer and that she would let me know either way by the end of that day. I never heard from either of them! It’s been over two weeks, and I took the other job. But I’m feeling like I was ghosted. I’m trying not to feel offended, but I just feel it was unprofessional to treat me that way. What’s your opinion?
—Ghosted

Dear Ghosted,

Job searching in 2025 feels like it was designed by a sadist. You send applications off into the void, maybe get an acknowledgement that it was even received, and then if you’re lucky and your resume somehow makes it past the AI screening because it stood out among the hundreds of others that the company received, you get called for an interview. But even that human interaction doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be treated like an actual human afterwards—it seems that getting ghosted is sadly the rule these days, not the exception. It’s as if recruiters are taking a cue from the worst serial daters, the ones who go on a great date and then just never follow up.

Ghosting culture is rude, it’s painful, and it’s also bewildering, especially when you have what seemed like a good interview where you really hit it off with the person interviewing you! It can make you feel crazy, like you’ve been totally gaslit and you can’t trust your instincts about anything. How hard is it to just send an email that says, “You didn’t get the job”? (I’m sure they could figure out a nicer way to say it, but that’s the gist.)

All this to say: I agree it was unprofessional of them to treat you this way, you have every right to feel offended, and now it’s time to move on. Try to be grateful that you had another job offer come through at the same time and put the ghosters out of your mind, and focus on your new role. And congrats on it, by the way. Who knows—maybe you dodged a bullet at the other company. They don’t deserve you, anyway!

Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.

Dear Good Job,

My best friend and I have decided we will be moving out of state in about a year and a half (the political climate in our current state is increasingly unsafe for her, but our immediate situation is safe enough that we feel comfortable staying out our lease). How do I handle this, job-wise? Obviously I don’t need or want to give my boss a 16-month notice, but two weeks seems kind of cruel when I know this far in advance. And how soon do I start job searching in the new state? As soon as possible seems ideal theoretically, but no one is going to hire a candidate who can’t start for another year, right?

—Interstate Indecision

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I’m impressed with your long-term planning abilities here! But it’s way too early to start looking for a job in another state. There’s often a little bit of a chicken-and-egg game that happens when you are hoping to move to a different state and get a job—a lot of companies won’t look at out of state applicants, but moving without a job is very stressful and might make it more difficult to rent an apartment or get established in your new home. I would start looking a couple of months before you’re planning on moving, and either use a friend’s address in your new state on your resume or be very clear that you are moving no matter what. Or maybe the perfect remote role will open up and you won’t have to worry about finding a new job at all! I’ll put that out into the universe for you.

In terms of when to tell your current boss, you’re right that 16 months is way too far in advance. Things could change in 16 months! Your timeline could shift, for one thing, and you don’t want to quit so far in advance that you find yourself with an unsustainable gap between jobs. Also, I hate to even mention this, but it’s possible you could lose your job in the next 16 months. Personally I would give no more than one month, and that’s only if you really feel obligated to give that much. I can hear in your letter that you don’t want to let down your boss, and while that’s admirable, trust me when I say that no company is as loyal to you as you may feel to them.

Good luck with this exciting move, and I hope that the job search goes smoothly!

—Doree

More Work Advice From Slate

I just started a new job, and I’m still trying to make a good impression. But my new boss just enthusiastically shared something that made my heart sink. The one thing I did not enjoy in my last job was after-hours team events. They weren’t frequent, twice a year, but I hated them. Sometimes, there was a benefit for attending (like free dinner) other times there was actually a cost (like potluck?!) but honestly, either way, I never wanted to go. Well, this job is going to have even more after-hours team events!

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