Like many women, Katrina Shaw always wanted to be a mum.

“My mum died when I was a teenager and I always felt that pull to be a mother and to be the kind of mum that my mum was for us,” Shaw, 31, told nine.com.au.

After meeting now husband Will in their native England in their early 20s, they emigrated to Australia and waited until they were settled in Melbourne before deciding to start a family in 2023.

Katrina Shaw always wanted to be a mum. (Supplied)

“I fell pregnant the first month, which was a big shock,” Shaw said.

But their happiness was short-lived, with Shaw suffering a miscarriage.

In the months that followed, Shaw fell pregnant three more times but heartbreakingly lost each pregnancy, something that left her feeling like a failure.

“I felt that something was wrong with me; that I was broken,”  Shaw said.

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Katrina Shaw suffered infertiity and miscarriages. (Supplied)

“I was not doing what I was meant to do as a woman.

“I felt this immense pressure and felt, ‘Is it something I am doing wrong?’

”It really impacted my self-esteem. I was also worried that the stress was affecting my ability to fall pregnant.”

By the time Shaw suffered her fourth miscarriage in the space of eight months in April 2023, she had been diagnosed with both endometriosis and adenomyosis – which causes the tissue that normally lies the uterus to grow into the uterine wall – and was told she had low egg reserves.

The couple underwent IVF, but elected to freeze the resulting five embryos so Shaw could recover from the mental anguish of the repeated pregnancy losses and undergo a laparoscopy.

During the wait, Shaw started feeling “overwhelming sadness” that she had not been able to realise her dream of motherhood, and was envious of friends who were falling pregnant and welcoming babies, seemingly without any trouble.

They couple decided to skip the laparoscopy, and instead had an embryo transfer, before learning on Christmas Eve 2023 that Shaw was pregnant.

Despite the good news, Shaw was unable to relax and enjoy the pregnancy due to the threat of another miscarriage and severe morning sickness.

“I felt guilty because I was miserable,” she said. “I was worried because the only thing I could stomach was vegemite toast.

Shaw was excited to welcome Oscar. (Supplied)

“I definitely made a lot of phone calls to the midwife unit about that.”

The couple welcomed Oscar in September 2024, but Shaw was soon struggling with the demands of caring for a newborn who refused to breastfeed.

Once home, Will would bottle feed Oscar while Shaw expressed breastmilk for the next feed, and she felt she was unable to bond with her son.

When Oscar was about two weeks old, he was hospitalised and diagnosed with a floppy airway and dairy allergy which meant Shaw had to stop giving him breastmilk.

“I felt so guilty,” she said.

By the time Oscar was three weeks old, Shaw did not feel safe on her own with the son.

Within weeks of his birth, Shaw was diagnosed with postnatal depression. (Supplied)

“I did not think I was capable of caring for him and was experiencing suicidal idealogy,” she said.

She called her GP and is grateful they listened and sprung into action. She was diagnosed with postnatal depression, prescribed medication, and referred to a psychologist.

A month later, she and Oscar spent a week in a residential program.

Oscar is now 14 months old and “such a character” according to his proud mum.

“I actually enjoy spending time with him now,” she said.

But Shaw wants other women to know it is OK if things don’t go according to plan.

She said she was totally unprepared for how she would feel after welcoming her son, and encouraged new mums to talk honestly about how they were feeling.

“The people around me, and not just those on social media, only want you to see what they want you to see,” Shaw said.

Katrina and husband Will with Oscar. now 14 months old (Supplied)

“They all appeared to have it together.

“Once I started talking about my experiences, they would say they struggled as well but, at the time, no one said anything.

”Nobody tells the truth: that it’s messy and hard.

“There is this idea that if you say it’s hard, you do not love your children.

“You can feel both things at once.”

Shaw spoke to nine.com.au following the release of a new survey commissioned by Elevit that found 80 per cent of new mums reported the “pressure of perfection” around pregnancy made it hard to be open about the stresses of pregnancy.

Shaw learned the Instagram version of life is different to reality. (Supplied/Rachael V. Photography)

More than 1000 Australian women aged 18 to 45 who were thinking about pregnancy, trying to get pregnant, pregnant, or had a child in the past 12 months were asked about their experiences pre-, during and post-pregnancy.

Pre-conception

Half of the women experienced conception delays, which many reported left them feeling sad, envious of others, isolated or lonely. 

The toll on women started before they fell pregnant, with almost one-third of women feeling pressured to fall pregnant by their family (31 per cent), societal expectations (30 per cent) and social media (23 per cent).

Half thought stress and mental well-being adversely affected their fertility, while 32 per cent worried about hormonal imbalance and 30 per cent admitted to stressing about their overall health or egg quality.

Getting it right

More than two-thirds of the women surveyed reported feeling “very responsible” for “getting everything right” while pregnant.

They said this pressure came from society, social media, friends, family and their own expectations.

During pregnancy

Forty per cent of women said social media negatively impacted how they felt during and after pregnancy.

The survey also found 80 per cent of women were concerned about their nutritional intake, especially if they suffered pregnancy-related food aversion.

One-in-four women worried about their unborn baby’s general physical health and 28 per cent were concerned about their baby’s development.

After pregnancy

Almost half of the women surveyed (45 per cent) said social media set unrealistic standards for their post-birth body, while another 45 per cent said they felt their home had to look ‘perfect’ and 40 per cent felt bad for not “enjoying every moment” of motherhood.

Almost half of the women who had given birth reported experiencing sadness, mood swings, irritability or tearfulness.

One-in-five said they had not been prepared for the ’emotional roller coaster’ after giving birth.

Much of their expectations were based on others, with half saying mothers in their lives always appeared resilient, capable or in control, and almost two-thirds strongly expected they would be the same.

The top advice women offered was “don’t compare yourself to others” (48 per cent), while 43 per cent said it was “OK to ask for and accept help”.

Partnership

Elevit has partnered with Aussie startups Lumi Health and Happy Kat to shine the light on the burdens faced by women and encourage mums to seek support.

Holistic geneticist and nutritionist Dr Denise Furness said the survey highlighted the “extensive physical and emotional change” that comes with pregnancy.

“When you couple that with the external pressures of social media, or constant comparison to family and friends, it can drastically impact a woman’s experience of this critical life journey”, she said.

“Factoring in good nutrition as a key element of pregnancy is vital and is one of the most crucial, but also simple ways to make sure you are supporting your baby’s development.”

The Red Nose Grief and Loss Support Line is available 24/7 for anyone affected by the loss of a pregnancy, stillbirth or death of a baby or child on 1300 308 307.

PANDA provides telephone counselling via a free national helpline available Monday to Friday, 9am-7.30pm, and Saturday, 9am-4pm (AEST/AEDT). Call 1300 726 306.

Lifeline provides free and confidential crisis support 24 hours a day. Call 13 11 14, or text 0477 131 114 or chat online at lifeline.org.au.

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