Breaking news! Evidence of the benefits of face-to- face interactions!
Beyond close family and friends, if face-to-face is not necessarily your bailiwick for interacting with others, then au revoir. If yes, enjoy sipping on your café latte and reading on. Who knows, you just might experience an aha moment, one that may enrich your life in some way that you’d not have thought about.
Although it was smack during the middle of the day, the coffee shop was packed with the in-and-out flow of customers and, against the wall, folks with their faces glued onto open laptops. It was here that a mix racial group of us — writers, published authors — gathered around a small table to get started on a list of 10 conversation starters.
So, after we dispensed with acknowledging the beyond the pale craziness of the times we live in (“Quiet! Quiet, piggy!”) it began, as it often does with us, with what we were thinking and writing about. But before we launched into our conversation starters list, two participants put our meeting on this day into a personal perspective.
“The timing of our being here today couldn’t have been any better for me,” said one. “I say that because for so long I’ve been existing in a virtual world dealing with people globally through Zoom, text, phone and other artificial means. It suddenly dawned on me how much I missed and needed contact with humans, and not machines.”
A chorus of nodding heads and amens ensued.
Said another, “Because I’m basically an introvert and spend most of my time to myself, I really don’t go out socially a lot. So, when I got an invitation to be here today, I first hesitated. But I’m so glad that I did since I needed to interact with people for a change.”
After more chatter and with those observations behind us, we shifted our attention to this, the first conversation starter, on our list.
At the beginning of his book, A Tale of Two Cities, novelist Charles Dickins wrote… “These are the best of times and worst of times” — what’s your perspective on both of those times in the context of today?
So readers, like those of us at the table that day, pause on that quote and question for a moment then ask yourself which of those times these days — best or worst — was the easiest for you to conjure up examples of?
Okay, while you’re cogitating on that, here’s what two of our participants said:
“For me, these are the best of times,” said one participant. “Why? Because I’m inspired by the thousands of people from all backgrounds in towns and cities across the nation protesting during no king’s day demonstrations. If it weren’t for the worst times, the best of times activism wouldn’t have come about.”
Said another, “Bad times are no surprise for many of us in the African American community. The tough times we live in today pale by comparison to life during slavery. What we’ve learned from our history are lessons on resilience and perseverance.”
In the interest of saving time to get to the remaining ones on our list, it came as little surprise that our next starter — “What causes you to stop listening to someone? and where does your imagination often go as a result? — got us chuckling before and sharing.
“Long winded people who take an excessive amount of time to get to their point cause me to stop listening. Should I mention the famous book, “Men and from Mars and women are from Venus?”
“People who constantly use braggadocio like “I,” “me,” “mine,” versus “we,” “us,” and “ours” get me to stop listening to them. I usually just roll my eyes or change the channel.”
Here are a few answers that came in response to our next question…What do you enjoy most about getting older?
“I’ve become much wiser!”
“I sometime will say that I’m not young enough to know it all!”
“I’ve never stop growing and learning and never will.”
“I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore and don’t ever take anything for granted.”
Getting older has helped me to look forward to precious moments with my six grandkids.”
Okay readers, if you’re curious about other questions on our list that we didn’t get to, here they are:
1. If you could somehow wind your clock back 40 years ago, based on what you know now, what advice would you offer to a younger you?
2. What could we do more of, less of, stop doing altogether or start anew to foster a more caring community these days?
3. When do you feel most vulnerable?
Describe the conditions during which you feel the most energetic.
What tough issue these days are you most curious about but unsure of how and who to ask about?
Complete the following sentence — “I wish I had a lot more time to______!”
A few days after that meeting here is some feedback from a few of the participants the day after our meeting:
“It was great to get together again! Thank you for your ‘conversation starters. ‘Is this the best of times or worse’, got a great conversation started!”
“My takeaway from our conversation was primarily that there is an awful lot of pain and anxiety in our community and I’m sure that this is also the case in larger society! Not sure how to solve the problems that we discussed on a macro level, but identifying and discussing the issues on hand is the best start I can think of. Everyone had great ideas, and I hope that we all walked away feeling stronger and more empowered to proactively think, speak and act!”
“Time flew by as the conversation unfolded many personally held beliefs. Everyone participated with a broad range of views, creating an admiration for all in the group. As we blended with our various personalities from one conversation starter to another, the conversations got more introspective and sharing became more thoughtful. Over the course of just a few hours I felt a kindred spirit with and look forward to our next encounter.”
“The point made by one participant when we talked about the worst of times was powerfully meaningful for me. His message was that people who are under stress often will retreat into echo chambers, fall into groupthink and strike out when threatened. I see a lot of that in the divisive political environment today.”
“The conversation we ended with on the power of Artificial Intelligence could easily have gone on for the rest of the day. I was amazed at the extent to which those in the group were using AI tools for writing and converting the lyrics in poems to music.”
Now readers — okay, some readers I should clarify- before you retreat into your home office alone and “communicating” with the person in your mirror or some faceless AI generated person on your laptop, consider the following benefits of interacting with real people:
Encourages deeper learning: Face-to-face interactions can lead to a more complete and meaningful exchange of information.
Builds stronger bonds: In-person interaction helps build trust and a sense of community, which is beneficial for both personal and professional relationships.
Fosters empathy and connection: Allows for a richer sensory experience that can lead to a deeper sense of connection and emotional understanding.
In the end, know that trust isn’t built over a text message, chatbot or, for that matter, Zoom calls. Understand further that human beings want personal contact and some may go to unhealthy extremes to get them.
To exaggerate the latter point, Lauren Kunze in a recent New York Times column wrote, “The Sad, Dangerous Reality Behind ‘Her,’ a 2013 fictional movie during which a lonely man falls in love with his artificial intelligent operating system.
Ahem! Uh, uh! No way! Farfetched? The stuff for science fiction?
Well, why don’t I leave you to ponder those questions.