If You’re Gonna Come for Me, I’ll Finish You
Season 4
Episode 5
Editor’s Rating
4 stars
****
Things get so ugly at the roundtable that not even the Traitors feel good about the chaos in the castle.
Photo: Euan Cherry/Peacock/b” B) 2025 Peacock TV LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Dorinda is finally starting to get angry, and at Ron Funches no less. As they wait at breakfast to see who was murdered the night before, she complains that he alternates between being a victim and accuser, and that she’s insulted that he’s made no effort to get to know her. But will he even be there to face her wrath? Yep, and since everybody thinks he’s a Traitor, nobody is surprised to see him stroll in. But the real highlight of breakfast was getting to see Dorinda find out for the first time that Colton was in the closet when he was on The Bachelor, and she’s disappointed she missed her window of opportunity with straight Colton.
Ultimately, as we could have guessed from their turret meeting the night before, the Traitors sadly opted to kill Monet after he correctly became suspicious of Lisa. If only he shared that suspicion with anybody other than Lisa’s fellow Traitor, Candiace. As the table toasts to his memory, Colton says he was the best dressed, at which Lisa casually corrects, “One of the best dressed.” Incredible, no notes.
For this episode’s mission, they have to wade through the fountain for coins that tell them where to find statues, which they then have to bring back to the fountain. Once they’re all in place, they can turn the fountain back on and win money for the prize pot. But there’s a twist, per usual. Amongst the statues are shields, and if nobody takes one, there won’t be a murder that night. But if even one person takes one, the murder goes on as planned. But before they can even consider that dilemma, into the water they go. “What if I fall into this water? I could get a yeast infection. Who is going to take care of my coochie?” Candiace says, continuing her reign as poet laureate of the castle.
Though most of the challenge unfolds without anyone snagging a shield, it’s at the end that temptation sets in. What makes matters worse is that the final two teams to grab the statues are presented with four shields, meaning their entire team could easily take one if they so chose and nobody would be the wiser. Ultimately all the statues end up in place, the fountain starts spurting red water like the Kool-Aid Man had been stabbed, and their prize pot grows to $106,000. But we still don’t know if anyone took a shield.
Back at the castle, Ron accidentally interrupts a conversation about him that Dorinda is having with Stephen, who I keep forgetting is on this show. They ask how he’s doing, and Ron tells them that he’s 90 percent confident about two Traitors. “Michael and Dorinda,” he says, right to her face. Something I always find fascinating about this show is how some thrive in the medium, skyrocketing them to broader stardom (Candiace), while others who might have been beloved before entering the castle completely flounder in this setting (Ron). The game doesn’t complement him at all, and he’s coming across horribly. He’s a comedian, yet hasn’t been funny once this entire time, and instead has either been loudly wrong or, as is the case in this episode, rude.
Meanwhile, Colton has his sights set on Michael (who looks like a Madame Tussauds figure if they used mucus instead of wax), pointing out that everyone who voted for him that first night has been killed off one by one except for Yam Yam. When Michael (and his various scabs) joins this conversation in the kitchen, Colton casually asks him if Alan does a costume change for the turret, which flusters him just enough for the group to pounce. It was a fun move that leads to Michael exploding and calling Colton a Traitor in return.
The roundtable kicks off with them picking up right where things left off in the kitchen. “Conniving, commiserating Colton,” Michael calls him — clearly not knowing what commiserating means. He uses Colton’s banishment of Tiffany last night to allege that he’s a Traitor, adding, “Nobody in this room would be better at holding a secret than you.” Oh my god. We’ve seen Michael’s homophobia online, but now it’s made its way into the castle. “There it is,” Colton replies, “You think it was fun for 29 years of my life?” The table springs into action to defend him and go after Michael (a wart with eyes), first with Johnny dragging him for using the fact that someone was forced into the closet against them. “Very low blow,” Maura adds. The entire table is disgusted that Michael would be so vile, even as he tries to walk back what he just said, turning back to his “conniving, commiserating line,” which is Rob’s last straw.
“Commiseration means to feel sorry for someone,” Rob finally says, correcting Michael, who doubles down by saying that it doesn’t. “Yes, it does,” Rob yells back, exasperated by his stupidity, which he says has been driving him nuts the whole roundtable. Imagine being corrected on your vocabulary by a Love Island USA contestant? That’s how stupid Michael Rapaport is.
Ron agrees that Michael (not to be confused with the guy in the middle of that illustration of human evolution) is a Traitor, but adds that Dorinda is his lackey — which she’s offended by given the effort she’s put in to get to know Ron and learn about his family. “I dont want to know where you live, I don’t care about your family, my family is none of your fucking business,” Ron snaps back at her. I was completely taken aback at how needlessly nasty that was. You’re playing a game, why are you yelling and cursing at this woman because she tried to get to know you? It’s like Ron came on this show with the express purpose of convincing everybody who had previously been a fan of his that he’s actually a complete jerk. But luckily for Ron, the table still has their sights set elsewhere.
Our long national nightmare is over. Michael Rapaport was finally banished — not even for being a suspected Traitor, but mEven with the Housewives’ alliance being tested, it’s the Faithfuls who are their own worst enemies.ore so for being an insufferable piece of shit who nobody could stomach being around for another moment. When he reveals himself to be a Faithful, no one at the table even blinks. They don’t care that they voted out one of their own, because being around him is a fate worse than death. It’s perhaps the first time the entire castle is relieved after banishing a Faithful, but since Alan still won’t reveal if anyone took a shield during the mission, they don’t know if they’re at risk for murder that night or not.
Colton now finds himself in a bit of a tough spot after going 0 for 2, but rather than chill out, he goes full steam ahead, already turning his focus to Lisa. In the kitchen, he tells everyone that she’s been way too quiet during the roundtables and reacts way too big over the reveals at breakfast. When Yam Yam counters that her story about the murder in the woods checked out, Colton says that’s because she got to watch it three times. Oh, he was ready. The good news for Lisa is that Rob is in the kitchen to hear all of this, so when they get back to the turret, he reports back.
They have to kill Colton, they decide — but given the shield situation, they don’t even know if they’ll have the chance to. This puts me in an impossible situation. While I’ve been rooting for our Traitors this entire time, now they’re going after someone who I will be forever indebted to for finally freeing me from the wretched shackles of Michael Rapaport. Maybe Colton ends up being a martyr, but I hope he gets to enjoy the peaceful castle he created by banishing that walking, talking ass pimple.
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