Over the last few years, Florida has basically been a giant trough for politically connected contractors eager to gorge on tax dollars.

With few checks and balances — and zero audits — Gov. Ron DeSantis’ administration has spent hundreds of millions of dollars in the name of an immigration “emergency.” Some of it was dished out in no-bid deals. Some to companies that first made campaign donations to the governor and Republican Party.
Well, we’re finally starting to see who pocketed the most money off the hastily constructed, make-shift detention center in the middle of the Everglades. And some of the details stink. Literally.
A report last week from the Florida Phoenix found the state spent more than $400 million in just six months — with the biggest chunk going to a single company that specializes in porta-potties.
We’re talking $92 million in checks cut to a company named “Doodie Calls.”
I will take a timeout here to acknowledge that may be the greatest name in the history of outdoor toilets. Porta-props given.
But also … 92 freakin’ million dollars to a porta-potty company??? That’s a you-know-what-load of money. All for a company whose registered lobbyist, Brian Ballard, is a fundraiser for both DeSantis and Donald Trump.
Remember, we’ve already read reports about “Alligator Alcatraz” contracts awarded to political donors and without being competitively bid. That’s a toxic combination.
So was it money well spent? Who knows?
Legislative leaders — who haven’t demanded the audits required by law — have instinctively defended the spending, but offered few specifics.
When asked about Doodie Calls’ $92 million payday, Senate President Ben Albritton said people need to remember that it was tricky to handle millions of gallons of human waste in a remote, environmentally sensitive location like the Everglades.
Um, yeah. That’s precisely why most people thought it was a rotten idea to erect a massive detention center in the middle of a fragile ecosystem that taxpayers had already spent billions of dollars to restore and protect. But please, Mr. Senate President, tell us more about how maybe that wasn’t the brightest idea.
Still, for $92 million, you should get porta-potties plated in platinum. Heck, for $92 million, you could build an entire wastewater-treatment plant. (Seriously. Some communities have spent less.)
Albritton said the money paid for “more than just porta-potties,” according to the Seeking Rents news site. And I’m sure it did. Doodie Calls, a St. Petersburg company that has been around for about eight years, also offers portable laundry facilities and showers.
But here’s the thing: Nobody should have to guess whether taxpayers got a fair deal. Nor does anyone want to listen to politicians prattle on about how this could’ve theoretically been a good deal. Taxpayers deserve details — the kind of thing provided by actual audits.
We especially need audits when the handful of watchdogs who dared to speak up about alleged spending irregularities quickly paid a price.
Meanwhile, the state’s laughingstock CFO has barnstormed the state, screaming about things like a $6,000 stipend for Orlando’s poet laureate. It’s performative politics for gullible fools. Scream about $6,000. Pay no attention to $400 million.
It’s important to remember that most of this spending has taken place in an unorthodox way.
About four years ago, DeSantis declared a state of “emergency” — a move traditionally reserved for natural disasters — related to what he called the “Biden border crisis.” That allowed him to bypass the state’s normal accountability measures, like requiring major contracts to be competitively bid.
“Emergency” declarations are only supposed to last 60 days. But to keep the tsunami of tax dollars flowing without checks and balances, DeSantis decided to extend his 60-day “emergency” 20 times.
Yes, the state’s current 60-day emergency is now going on four years.
Still, there is supposed to be an accountability measure that retroactively checks to see whether the money was properly spent — a statute that says: “Once an emergency exceeds 1 year, the Auditor General shall conduct a financial audit of all associated expenditures … during the declared emergency.” The statute goes on to say the audit must be updated annually. Yet after more than three years, we’ve yet to see audit No.1.
Deputy Auditor General Matthew Tracy said Monday that his office is “currently engaged” with the governor’s office in a review of “selected emergency expenditures” and that a report should be released later this year. How reassuring.
To their partial credit, House Republicans recently unveiled a proposal to crack down on the governor’s unchecked spending — an idea for accountability, checks and balances that DeSantis’ attorney general, James Uthmeier, called “moronic.”
Accountability is, of course, a good, if belated, idea. A better idea would’ve been for lawmakers to demand it all along.
For now, though, they should end this laughable 60-day “emergency” that has now gone on for more than 1,000 days and demand audits immediately.
If someone wants to make the case that it made sense to give $92 million to a porta-potty company — and spend millions more on everything from private jets to catered meals — then they should make that case in public and with specifics.
For every expense, auditors should ask: Was it competitively bid? Could any other Florida company have done it better and cheaper? And if so, why didn’t they get the chance?
Only fools don’t want the answer to those questions. Well, and also those who already know the truth and don’t want you to know it as well.
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