NEED TO KNOW
A woman’s mother asked her to hand over her inheritance to pay a mortgage on a house with no sentimental value
The daughter, a teacher, wants to use the money for her students and children instead
Years of financial instability and a rocky relationship leave her questioning whether to say no
A woman is turning to the Reddit community for support after making the decision to withhold a small inheritance from her mother, sparking a conversation about boundaries, family and financial responsibility.
The woman shares that her grandparents, who adopted and raised her, recently died within a year of each other, leaving her and her siblings $600 checks from their estate.
“It certainly isn’t life changing, but helpful, especially in this economy,” she explains in her post. Her mother, however, soon reached out with a request that left her feeling conflicted.
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Stock photo of a woman receiving money
“My mom texted to ask if she could have the money (not a loan) to put towards the mortgage on my grandparent’s house,” she writes, noting that her mother hopes to move into the home someday, but not for a couple of years.
The house itself holds no sentimental value for the siblings, as she points out, “This is not the house that any of us grew up in, as my grandparents only purchased it about two years ago, so there are no childhood memories within those walls.”
She adds, “In fact, she had not even seen the house in person until my grandmother’s funeral,” underscoring the lack of personal connection her mother has to the property. Despite her mother’s stable, well-paying career, the woman describes a pattern of financial instability rooted in lifestyle choices.
“She tends to spend money on luxury items and services and has a history of making financial decisions that seem impulsive or unsustainable,” the woman shares. She acknowledges, “It is certainly her right to keep her hair and nails done, pay for plastic surgery, purchase five expensive Golden Retrievers, etc.”
However, the woman draws a line, explaining, “While my husband and I live comfortably, we cannot continue to be her personal bank.”
The pull between wanting to help and needing to protect her own family’s resources became clear after a recent incident.
“Just this past December, she called me on New Year’s Eve to ask for a loan to get her newest husband on an emergency flight to make a court date they claimed was ‘unexpected’, ” she recalls. “While my children watched the fireworks, I was trying to help her out and get a flight booked.”
The loan, she admits, “has not been paid back, though knowing her, it honestly wasn’t expected.” As a teacher who has just moved to a new school with fewer resources, the woman sees the inheritance as a chance to invest in her students, and her own children.
“I’d love to use the money to buy class sets of novels and live plants for my classroom and/or do something super fun with my children this summer,” she reveals. Her practical concerns also extend to the future of the house her mother wants to buy.
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Stock photo of two women arguing
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“I’m also not sure how she plans to continue to pay the mortgage on the house until she moves in, and worry that I’ll be out $600 and the bank will get the house anyway,” she confides. With these worries in mind, she’s turned to Reddit for advice.
A commenter responds with reassurance, writing, “You don’t even need to have a single one of those reasons. The money was left to you by your grandparents.”
The commenter continues, “You don’t owe your mother (is she really a mom? Was she present throughout your childhood? Did she pay child support) a cent of that money.”
The woman clarifies her family history and the complexity of her relationship with her mother. “No, we were adopted after she signed her rights to us over to my grandparents,” she explains. “She was apparently supposed to adopt us back, but it never happened.”
She reflects on their relationship, saying, “We do not have a typical mother-daughter relationship. It’s been cordial, but rocky as an adult. She’s just so flaky, so it’s hard to let her in.”
Still, she acknowledges moments of connection, adding, “She did purchase my wedding dress, and when my teens were very young, she was a semi-active grandparent for a couple of years.”
Now the woman is torn with the decision of honoring the wishes of those who raised her, or stepping up to help her mother once again.
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