When you think “date night,” you might be thinking about candlelight and cocktails—not cash flow. But combining financial talk with a little romance can be a win-win for your relationship. “So many people dance around the money conversation,” says Sheila Schroeder, consultant at Wealthspire and author of It’s Time to Talk: A Woman’s Guide to Navigating Money Conversations. “Maybe you fight about it, or can’t seem to have an adult conversation about it. A money date is such a productive way to talk about your finances.”
Ready to plan a money date? Here’s why—and how—to make it both a good time and a great conversation that’ll help you get closer than ever before.
Why Money Dates Can Strengthen Your Finances and Your Relationship
Money tends to be a fraught topic, especially if finances are tight. But adding a little fun to the situation can help lessen the tension—and ensure you’re both on track to meet your financial goals.
Money dates let you address issues without a lot of drama
If money tends to be a hot-button topic in your relationship, talking about it in a low-stress situation lets you have a more productive conversation. Schroeder recommends tabling a financial fight and bringing it back in a date scenario, when you’re not in the heat of the moment. “Let’s regroup, have time to calm down and think a little more rationally,” she recommends.
You’ll get a better sense of each other’s financial history
Your financial past comes into play in your relationship with each other and with your money—so if you have both learned different financial approaches from your families, that can cause tension. “If you tend to be a more frugal person, maybe you came from a background where that was instilled in you,” Schroeder says. “Many people don’t realize what money messages they had growing up. Money dates let you step back a little on a financial decision, and understand more about why you feel this way.”
You’ll both know where your finances stand
Oftentimes, one person in a couple handles the finances—and having a regular financial conversation ensures that you both know what’s going on. “If one of you has been shouldering the load for so long, money dates make sure that you both understand what’s happening,” Schroeder says. “It’ll start to help you get a broader vision of what you both want your money to do for you.”
How to Plan a Perfect Money Date
Planning a money date is easy—here’s all you need to get it done.
Make it a regular date on the calendar
This definitely isn’t a one-and-done situation. “You really need a regular cadence of conversations about money, where you’re learning about each other,” Schroeder says. She recommends putting a monthly date on the calendar to keep the financial conversation flowing.
Limit the talk to a particular topic—and decide on that in advance
Going with the broad topic of “finances” can take literal days to unpack. So break it down to smaller bites that are more manageable—like maybe deciding on your vacation budget or untangling your subscriptions to see which ones you might be able to cancel. “Let’s say you need to get a new car,” Schroeder says. “On a money date, you can talk about the car models you’re each thinking about, about the budget, and what it means for you. One of you may be thinking, I don’t want to spend a lot of money, so I want to get a used car, and the other may be looking at something more expensive.”
Decide what the topic will be for your money date in advance, so you both have time to prep—and you can bring info you need or questions you have to the date.
Keep it short
You don’t have to belabor the financial talk. Plan to spend about an hour on the money conversation, then move on to something else.
Make it fun
Make your money date just like a regular date—whether it’s over pastries and lattes or dinner and wine. (That’ll help stave off hanger—which can help you keep the conversation light.) “Make sure you’re not tired and you’re not hungry or already angry walking into it,” Schroeder says. “Nothing good happens if you’re hungry and tired—and I always think things are better with a sense of humor.”