Hello everybody. College basketball rosters have the look of a drunk game of Yahtzee these days, so we will take a moment to try and figure out who is on your team. With the ever changing eligibility rules, I’d rather move used refrigerators, so keep in mind the sacrifices I’m making for our readers.

Penn State Nittany Lions

Shot Into the Sun: A lot of people, actually. Yanic KONAN Neiderhauser slipped into the first round of the draft to the Clippers. Eligibility has finally whacked Ace Baldwin, who is joined in the pasture by Puff Johnson, Zach Hicks, Nick Kern, and D’Marco Dunn.

The portal claimed its prizes in Kachi Nzeh (Arkansas Little Rock), Jahvin Carter (Middle Tennessee State), Miles Goodman (Pennsylvania Corrections), and Hudson Ward (Western Michigan).

Still Standing: A couple live bodies here. Freddie Dilione V (The Final Frontier) gives them a big guard. Dominick Stewart is also a big guard who returns for his sophomore season, while Eli Rice, formerly of Nebraska, comes back at the wing. He missed last season to injury.

Hi Everybody I’m New Here: Mikes Rhoades is definitely zigging where everyone else is zagging. Just one transfer in Cincinnati wing Josh Reed. Then add seven, count ‘em, seven freshmen to the mix.

The high profile frosh is Kayden Mingo, a top 40 point guard out of New York. Mason Blackwood and Justin Houser check in at wing and center, respectively. The other four aren’t rated on 247, but for completeness they are guard Reggie Grodin, big man Ivan Juric, turkish shooter Melih Tunca, and Slovenian forward Tibor Mirtic.

Michigan State Spartans

Shot Into the Sun: Some familiar names are leaving East Lansing. Freshman sensation Jase Richardson turned his one year into a spot with the Orlando Magic. Eligibility has come for Jaden Akins, Frankie Fidler, and Szymon Zapala.

The portal claimed a few as well: do nothing center Xavier Booker is headed to UCLA while Tre Holloman went to NC State. Lightly used guard Gehrig Normand transferred to Santa Clara.

Still Standing: The cupboard isn’t bare, and the two headed center monster of Jaxon Kohler and Carson Cooper return. Passing them the ball will be point guard Jeremy Fears, while alley oop master Coen Carr also returns. Lightly used freshman Jur Teng comes back, and reshirt freshman Jesse McCulloch makes his debut.

Hi Everybody I’m New Here: Izzo hit the portal and nabbed wing Kaleb Glenn (Florida Atlantic) and guards Divine Ugochukwu (Miami) and Trey Fort (Samford). Two freshmen in top 50 types Cam Ward and Jordan Scott.