The ladies have some big conversations in preparation for the last trip of the season.
Photo: Bravo
This week on our favorite program, Rich Women Doing Things, the rich women did things. They parallel parked in their “least fancy” but “most favorite” car with their wedding planner so they could go and choose flatware, furniture, linens, and other accessories for a wedding that will feature both the groom on a horse and the bride entering on a helicopter that is dropping rose petals. (Wait, wasn’t Shereé Whitfield supposed to do that? Wasn’t there a poet involved?) They got $400 Hermes bracelets from their teens after going on a trip to Paris for several weeks. They ate ice cream alone in their giant houses on main roads while their two dogs and four cats watched, and then they pulled up their chairs close to this enormous video monitor that looked like the control unit for a spaceship or something.
Mostly, what the ladies do in this episode is leave for Italy and check into the Villa Bibiani, which you can rent yourself if you think you have that kind of money. (You don’t.) But before that, they have to have some conversations about their last trip. Kyle meets up with Amanda Frances, and I never pay attention to what the ladies order until someone shows up and says a line of pure parody like, “Can I do the creamy collagen latte, half almond, half oat milk, and no sugar-free vanilla?” How is that 17 million times worse than Belvedere and soda in a short glass with three lemons, carcass out? Actually, Kyle and Amanda don’t talk about much, but Amanda says that she gets about three facials a month. I thought that wasn’t a lot because I can get three in one weekend if Sniffies is bumpin’, but then I realized we weren’t talking about nearly the same thing.
The big conversations are about Dorit. Boz meets with Dorit to inform her that Kyle has mentioned she is acting erratically and spending too much money, and Boz wants to check in on that. Dorit says her problem is that her friends will talk about her to each other, but no one will say anything to her face. Maybe this is because Dorit won’t let anyone have an opinion that she doesn’t agree with. Later in the episode, Sutton is trying to give Amanda advice on how to deal with Dorit, and Amanda thinks that if they could just talk to each other, they could work out their issues. Amanda thinks that if Dorit wants to resolve things, there would be space for her to speak. Has she watched this program? Has she met Dorit? Has she seen her open her mouth and words just fling out like she’s a snow-making machine in Aspen cranked to “Blizzard” and anyone who wants to get a word in will have to force their way through that blizzard, with their arms up guarding their face, to do a hard reset of the mechanism if they want to express their views?
But Dorit isn’t entirely wrong. She brings up that when Kyle was going through her separation with Mo, she stopped drinking, exercising all the time, and emulating the behavior of “new friends of hers,” friends whose names I assume rhyme with Schmorgan Spade. Dorit says when that happened, she was never like, “Look at her, I’m really worried.” But, if I remember correctly, she was. She points all of these things out to Kyle and is spending the whole season talking about how this wasn’t the Kyle that she knew. I think there was at least one conversation between the two of them where Dorit gently walked around these issues, but maybe that’s a bit different because what Dorit was really asking was “Will I see you backstage at the Melissa Etheridge concert?” and not about her actual divorce.
During her conversation with Boz, Dorit mentions that Kyle had four days in the Hamptons to sit down and talk to her about her concerns. First of all, Kyle is trying to enjoy the trip. If Kyle had brought it up, wouldn’t Dorit have been like, “You’re ruining my fun weekend away.” Secondly, would she have even listened? Remember the blizzard? She also doesn’t seem that tuned into what Kyle has to say these days, which is exactly Kyle’s point. Kyle is talking about Dorit to Boz and Erika, thinking that their opinions might have more of an impact on Dorit than Kyle’s, since she’s decided that Kyle is the villain.
Dorit may not be wrong about that. While I don’t think Dorit can get angry with Kyle for talking about it to her friends and not her, I do think she is right about how hypocritical it is of Kyle to bring these things up on camera. Earlier this season, she was counseling Dorit not to speak ill of PK, an acai and cat piss smoothie, on the record, but here she is talking about how “erratic” Dorit is while spending all of her money. As Dorit points out, that is giving her ex ammunition in just the same way.
While I am very curious about how much money Dorit is spending and just where it is coming from, considering that their finances could be Netflix’s first show, because it was always a house of cards. (When Dorit talks about her “family office,” I laughed so hard my snerfle fell out of my nerfle.) The other real concern is her lateness. Kyle tells Erika that they had a 5 a.m. flight to the Hamptons, so Dorit had her glam show up at 2 a.m. so that she could be done up for the plane. I get that this is a visual medium and that we would make fun of the ladies if they don’t look their best, but Erika shows up without a stitch of makeup to shop with Kyle and looks just fine. I think we would all forgive Dorit if she just put her face on herself in the car on the way to the luxury VIP lounge at LAX.
Speaking of which, as all the ladies filter into Italy in different groups, Dorit is traveling with Rachel and Erika, but she’s still in her house when those two are fully in the posh lounge, which would be really nice if you can afford it. (You can’t.) Erika is pissed and anxious, but also like, “I will totally leave her if she misses that plane.” Kyle says that Dorit has always been late, but this is something new. Is it? I can see how annoying it is to her friends and coworkers, but is it new? Actually, I think I would be more annoyed by Kathy Hilton who not only shows up late but loses her phone, needs all of her pillows unloaded in a certain order, doesn’t know where her ticket is, and is mourning the loss of an iPad that is under a business class seat and she still tracks its location as it travels around the world like she’s that guy who tracks Taylor Swift’s private jet.
When everyone arrives, they go on a tour of the luxury premises, and it sure does look fancy. Good for the girls. Kyle says that the only other place that was nicer was the year they went on a trip to Provence. It was season 9, and that was the trip when Kyle told the ladies they couldn’t bring their glam squads. Can we do that again? Instead, we have Boz having her stylist arrive early to lay out her clothes and accessories in her closet like she’s 1 million lip licks away from being Diana Jenkins. Yes, Boz has money, but she doesn’t have Diana Jenkins money, and this kind of service is just performative and annoying. Also, the gals are spending so much time getting their hair done, and clothes steamed that they’re neglecting their real duties: getting afternoon wine drunk and fighting about stupid shit.
The episode ends on a sweet conversation between Sutton and Amanda. Sutton offers to bunk with Mandy Frank, which is what her friend (note the use of the singular) calls her, even though they have to share twin beds. Sutton says that she knows what it’s like to be new to “this friend group,” how not everyone is nice to the newbie, and she could feel that dynamic happening with Amanda. Sutton is kind and patient, letting Amanda know that she’s there for her and that she can share some advice with her. But Mandy is not the kinda gal who likes other people’s advice. Other people’s old houses? Yes. Advice? No. Telling people she makes more in a month than her man does in a year? Yes. Opinions? No.
What I’ll take away the most from this episode however is Rachel’s conversation with her two sons: Sky, the older one who doesn’t want to look up from his device even when they’re having a tough conversation and he doesn’t have the device, and Kaius, a joke-making love muffin who is going to be on Summer House in 15 years and will be the second generation of Zoe-Berman reality stars. Rachel has “the talk” with them, the one where she tells them that she and her ex are definitely not getting back together and that she filed for divorce.
I am not a person who has experienced divorce and I do not have children, but there are a couple of things I disagree with Rachel about. The first is when asked if she loved their father anymore, she basically says, “No, he’s dead to me.” I don’t think it’s good to lie to the kids, but she could have mustered things a bit to be less harsh. I mean, he’s the kids’ dad. Can’t she throw him the meagerest of bones while still being truthful? I also don’t understand her insistence that the kids won’t ever have to meet his new girlfriend unless they decide they’re ready for it. Yes, it does seem like it’s too soon and they’re not that interested in meeting her, but they may have to be pushed a little bit at some point, even if it is years down the line. It can’t be Sky’s wedding in 2046, and he refuses to let her attend, and Roger is like, “But I’ve been married to her for 15 years. You have to meet her at some point.”
What I really loved about it is how Rachel continues to show up and just be miraculous on the show. She is giving it to us all. She is having the hard conversations on film with the kids in tow. She is giving it to us all. She is digging deep and showing her life, whether it’s good or bad, or just racks and racks of vintage Pucci caftans. All the rest of these ladies, who have been soft peddling and obscuring their divorces for years now, could learn a thing or two from Ms. Rachel Z, if you’re nasty, who is out here putting her whole heart out there for our consumption, and the only thing she’s hiding behind is a pair of amazing sunglasses. Yes, they’re vintage Dior if you can afford them. (You can’t.)
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