The Iran war and the escalation in the wider Middle East region have only added to the concerns and anxiety created by the ongoing war in Ukraine.
People worry and at times act irrationally in the face of uncertainty but clinical psychologist and family therapist Roberta Farrugia Debono said this is a perfectly normal reaction. It similarly mirrors the COVID-19 pandemic when people were also uncertain about what was going to happen.
She says it only becomes a problem when it overwhelms someone to the point where they are no longer able to go about their daily lives.
Psychologist Cher Engerer Kerr agreed. She said it is natural to feel anxious when we have no control over a situation. Furthermore, she said it is only natural to feel compassion for others, especially when we see people suffering. Anxiety can also stem from the fear of conflict happening to us next, she added.
“It can happen, especially when faith in world leaders is not high. It can create a feeling of being unsafe. You begin to wonder how it will impact you and your family, and no one is immune from feeling this way. I feel it too as a parent,” she explained.
Avoid the dreaded doom scroll
Farrugia Debono advised people who are feeling anxious to avoid doom scrolling whenever possible. “What I am not saying is to avoid the news altogether. We should be informed, but we should limit exposure when possible. Being constantly informed can in some cases be anxiety-inducing.”
She advised that it is best to limit oneself to two or three reliable sources and to give oneself breaks when possible. She said it is only natural that people are talking about the war, and so it is important to learn how to manage this.
She suggested not watching the news before bed, and instead watching it while doing other tasks. She emphasised that it is important to focus on the things within a person’s control.
“That can include exercising, eating good food, and going to work. But importantly, community. People should stay connected. When you are isolated, it is very easy to spiral. Spend time with friends, or even go to church. Share your concerns with people you are close to.”
Likewise, Engerer Kerr said it is also important to shift focus to things a person can control. She said this could include boycotting a certain brand if it helps ease their mind. She also suggested controlling one’s social media intake, for example by limiting it to five-minute increments.
“Of course, we need to know what is happening, but I would say not too much. We cannot give it too much attention. It is really like death. We all know it is going to happen one day, but if we were to focus on it all the time, we would not be able to function.”
What do we tell the kids?
Many people may feel at a loss when it comes to explaining to children the unfolding situation. Should we tell them anything at all?
Farrugia Debono said children should know what is going on, and that it is up to parents to equip them with the skills to deal with these situations in an age-appropriate manner.
“We can tell them that fighting has gotten out of hand, but that things are being done to restore peace. That yes, things can get ugly, but that people are working to make things better. It is important to give them both sides.”
She said children are likely to find out what is happening through their peers, so it is important to talk about it, ask them what they know, and then figure out the best way to approach the topic depending on the individual child. In her opinion, “shielding” children from the truth does not work.
Engerer Kerr advised that before having any discussions, parents should know what their child can handle. “Each child is different. We have to ask ourselves what our child can handle before we decide what to tell them.”
She spoke about her own experiences as a mother. “With my older children, you can have a frank conversation. I have discussed what our plan would be if anything were to happen in Malta. I encouraged them to read reliable sources so they understand the situation for themselves. But I know what my children can handle. If I thought they were prone to anxiety or depression, I would approach it differently.”
Regarding young children, Engerer Kerr said she would approach the subject gently if it must be discussed. For example, by telling them the war is far away, not denying it is happening but trying to put their minds at ease.
“Children need to feel safe, and they need to be protected,” she said.
If you are feeling anxious and it is disturbing your everyday life, it is important to seek professional help. The Richmond Foundation (https://www.richmond.org.mt/our-services/get-help-now/) offers a wide range of support, including services that are free of charge.