Dear Quentin,
My mother-in-law is 86 years old and receives about $1,300 a month in Social Security and some investment income. We provide housing for her and send her a couple of hundred dollars a month. The other kids also chip in money monthly. She lives alone and several hundred miles from any family members.
However, she continues to make poor spending choices, such as spending $300 monthly on supplements. She signs up for one cable provider, gets mad and changes, thereby incurring huge cancellation fees. She will ask us for more money for “necessities” — car insurance, etc. — but continues to throw money down the drain.
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We have talked to her about this behavior and she always agrees to stop. I am at a loss as to how to help her. I think she has diminished capacity, but it is not at the point of a conservatorship. Does she have enough to survive on with her monthly Social Security benefits? What more can we do to help her?
Daughter-in-Law
Related: My $250,000 term life policy costs $2,000 a month. I’m 80. Is it time to ditch it?
It may be better for you to organize her budget — including payment schedules — rather than depositing hundreds of dollars in her account every month. – MarketWatch illustration
Dear Daughter-in-Law,
Yes, it’s enough to live on.
There’s a difference between “play money” and “wasted money.” She is well taken care of by Social Security, her investments and her family. She needs to avoid more financial “own goals.” I encourage you and your siblings to visit her as often as you can, and help her take stock of her income and expenditure on paper so she can visualize her outgoings and how much of a chunk that $300 on supplements per month takes from her income. It may be better for you to organize her budget — including payment schedules — rather than depositing hundreds of dollars in her account every month.
From what you say, your mother-in-law could survive on $1,000 a month, even without the money she receives from her adult children. Tough love may be in order. That could come in the form of a cognitive test at her doctor’s office; close monitoring of her accounts if she wishes to continue to receive extra funds; a review of her monthly subscriptions and cancelation of supplements or other orders; prepaid debit cards with limits; and, if she agrees, a trusted family member to act as a co-signature on her accounts to help make informed decisions.
It would not hurt to help inform her about the limitations of how the body processes these “magic potions” — bottled minerals, vitamins and phytonutrients found in meat, fruit, vegetables and plants — despite the fact that Americans spend an estimated $60 billion on these supplements every year. They are cleverly, if ambiguously, labelled, according to this guide from Harvard Health Publishing at Harvard Medical School. “Why do people buy so many? Blame clever marketing and loopholes in federal guidelines,” it says.
“The Food and Drug Administration regulates dietary supplements as a subcategory of food but not as prescription or over-the-counter drugs,” it says. “This means the FDA only monitors claims on supplement labels regarding disease treatment. For instance, dietary supplements cannot make claims about treating specific conditions on their labels, like ‘lowers heart disease risk’ or ‘protects against dementia. Yet, the guidelines do allow for phrases like ‘promotes heart health’ or ‘supports immunity.’”
Supplement labels and marketing can have all sorts of bells and whistles, but labels must have the following words: “This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.” The guide adds: “The medical consensus is that there are no miracles in those bottles. Multiple studies have found that taking extra vitamins and minerals doesn’t protect against disease or improve overall health in otherwise healthy people.”
A dangerous combination
Isolation and impaired cognition are a dangerous combination. Adding impulsivity to that only makes it a more portentous situation. It can make elderly people vulnerable to costly expenses with their finances, but also leave them vulnerable to opportunists and even scam artists. Estate plans often have provisions for a “durable” power of attorney. This permits the trusted individual (in this case, your husband or one of your mother-in-law’s other children) to retain power of attorney if and/or when she can no longer make decisions for herself.
A conservatorship, on the other hand, is an involuntary process and takes place when a person is unable to take care of their finances. Each state has its own rules for guardianships and conservatorships. To apply to be a conservator, your husband would need to file a petition with the probate court in the county where your mother-in-law lives and detail all the responsibilities, powers and duties he intends to take on for her. He would also need to submit a plan for her care. That does not, from what you say, appear to be required (yet).
Your mother-in-law or the person who may ultimately end up holding her power of attorney should also freeze her credit with all three major credit bureaus: Experian UK:EXPN , TransUnion TRU and Equifax EFX. This person can ensure that no one can take out loans or open accounts in her name. For what it’s worth, people 60 and older are five times as likely as younger consumers to report losing money to tech-related scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission. Phone scams are the No. 1 scam affecting older people, followed by computer-related fraud. Your mother appears free of such a scourge, but it’s wise to be vigilant.
For anyone reading this who does feel like their elderly parent is susceptible to bad actors, the National Careline offers, among other organizations, advice on next steps, including contacting the local council and reporting the issue to her local Adult Protective Services, District Attorney’s office, and/or to the police or Sheriff’s office. Find your local APS here. “If your loved one has a social worker, elder patient advocate, or someone in a similar role, consider asking that person for help,” per this advice from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.
Many people run up debts or overspend like your mother-in-law because they simply can’t afford to pay the rent and groceries. But your mother-in-law appears to have problems with basic tasks to manage her finances. Looking ahead, you could file for conservatorship on financial grounds. “A conservatorship may be established after a relative, friend, or public official petitions the court for appointment of a conservator,” according to the Family Caregiver Alliance. “The petition must contain information on why the individual cannot manage his or her financial affairs.”
All of this is future planning, ideally made with compassion and tact.
.
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