This week on Bachelor in Paradise, Bailey learned that Jeremy sucks — but she chose to ignore that very important information. Plus, producers turned everyone into animals for the opening credits.
Jeremy as a crab in the ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ opening credits.
ABC
Let’s recap!
This week’s Relationship Test: “Secret Rendezvous,” where the contestants must stand in individual isolation booths attached to a circular structure. Host Jesse Palmer will ask them all a series of questions, and the couple with the most matching answers win the challenge. The winning man will hand out the first rose and is immune from elimination, which will be determined by a group vote at the end of the week. But wait, there’s more! If two contestants of the opposite sex who are not in a couple match on five questions, they will exit their booths and enter the Circle of Truth™ (LOL), where they’ll be offered a chance for a “secret rendezvous” later that night.
No new developments: Spencer and Jess; Keith and Kathy; Sean and Allyshia; Andrew and Alexe; Dale and Kat.
Kim and Faith go too public with their PDA
Now that they’re an official couple, Kim and Faith can’t stop touching each other. And it’s making people suspicious.
“Does anybody think this is real?” Kathy asks Dale and Kat, as they watch Kim give Faith a sensuous shoulder massage.
“No,” Dale scoffs.
The prevailing sentiment around Paradise is that Kim is just glomming on to any Golden woman who will have him — first April, then Leslie, and now Faith — in order to extend his free vacation. And to be fair, Kim and Leslie’s PDA is… a lot.
Faith and Kim eat each other’s faces on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
“Oh my God, get a room!” cries Jess.
Lea and Jonathon get an unexpected boost
In a surprise development, these two — who aren’t even a real couple, after Jonathon informed Lea last week that he only sees her as a friend — win the Relationship Test. Not even Lea can believe it.
Lea can’t believe her ears on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
Later that night, Jonathon and Lea have their first real conversation since she angrily thrust her rose at him with a curt, “You’re welcome.”
She admits to having hurt feelings, he asks for grace, and they end with a very platonic hug. Moving forward, these two are IN IT TO WIN IT. And by “it,” I mean the money.
“Now, we can take our hearts out of it and play with our heads,” says Lea.
Jeremy almost gets the boot from Bailey
During the Relationship Test, Bailey matches with Spencer and Brian, but she wants to stay loyal to her definitely-not-better half. Brian urges her to “consider it,” not because he’s interested in dating her — instead, he wants to tell her what that POS Jeremy has been saying about wanting to be with Susie instead of her.
That night, he sends her a formal invitation (“I just want to talk”) — but Bailey declines. Instead, she wakes Jeremy up and tattles to him, adding, “I think we should send Brian home.”
Undeterred, Brian finds Bailey by the pool and sits her down so he can break the bad news.
Brian and Bailey on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
Naturally, poor Bailey does NOT love it.
“I want to leave,” she sobs.
Obviously, Brian isn’t just doing this out of the goodness of his heart — it’s strategy to get Jeremy sent home — but he IS the only contestant willing to tell Bailey the truth. Even Alexe was keeping it a secret from her! Anyhow, a devastated Bailey immediately confronts Jeremy about his deception.
“I should have told you,” he mumbles. “Please don’t go home.”
Spoiler alert: Bailey does not go home. The next morning, she and Jeremy take a walk on the beach, and he assures her that he wants things to work between them.
Jeremy and Bailey kiss and make up on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
“You have a finite time in Paradise,” explains Bailey. “So, I am definitely giving a lot more grace than I would in the real world.”
Hope that works out for you, honey.
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Brian almost brings Parisa down with him
Soon after Brian gets back from his conversation with Bailey, he realizes telling her the ugly truth about Jeremy was a huge mistake. The other contestants immediately pounce on him, asking if he spilled the beans. Realizing that the guys are more interested in protecting Jeremy than being honest with Bailey, Brian immediately denies it.
Bailey, meanwhile, decides not to tell anyone — including Jeremy — that Brian was the one who busted him.
“At this point, I don’t feel like it’s something that needs to be public knowledge,” she says.
Damn right! Bailey’s so-called “friends” weren’t looking out for her, so why should she satisfy their curiosity?
Spencer and Andrew yell at Brian on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
Unfortunately, this does not squash the rumors. At the cocktail party before the vote and rose ceremony, Dale and Kat make it their mission to inform everyone that Brian is the culprit — so Parisa grabs Brian and tells him he needs to “fix the vibe.”
To that end, Brian pulls Jeremy aside and admits he did tell Bailey about Susie, but only after Bailey brought her up. It’s a pretty lame excuse/lie, and it doesn’t do much to take the heat off him.
“That’s just not how bro code works,” sniffs Andrew.
At least Wells, our bartender, knows the difference between right and wrong.
“I understand bro code, but it’s turning into, like, douchebag code,” he says. “Everyone’s defending Jeremy, and Brian’s the bad guy? From where I’m sitting at the bar, Brian’s the only one doing the right thing here!”
AMEN!
And the couple going home is…
Faith and Kim walk out of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
First, though, we’ve got to talk about the voting set-up. The contestants vote by choosing a chip with someone’s face on it and then dropping it into a wooden box.
Jonathon votes on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’.
ABC
It’s almost an exact replica of Bachelor Pad voting — but on that show, they pulled a person’s tacky ABC portrait out of a frame and dropped it in a similar box.
A contestant votes on ‘Bachelor Pad’.
ABC/Hulu
Ah, memories.
Back to Kim and Faith. Though several contestants (including Dale, Kat, Sean, Jeremy, and Spencer) vote to eliminate Brian, the rest chose to send Kim home. Some of them claimed it was because he’s having “health issues,” but I think we all know it’s because they were tired of watching him suck face with Faith.
Welp, rose lovers, only one Golden couple left. I suppose we can assume that Keith and Kathy will be sent home next week — and then the young’uns will start turning on each other in earnest.
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.