Last month, I caught myself reorganizing my desk drawer for the third time in two hours. The stapler had to sit just so next to the paper clips, and don’t even get me started on the pen situation.
My partner walked by and joked, “Stressed about the client presentation tomorrow?”
I laughed it off. But then I paused. Was I?
Turns out, my sudden urge to Marie Kondo my workspace wasn’t just about being tidy. It was my brain’s way of grabbing control when everything else felt chaotic.
And according to psychology research, I’m far from alone in this. Many behaviors we brush off as personality quirks or normal habits are actually our nervous system’s clever ways of managing stress—often without us even realizing it.
Here’s the thing about stress responses: they’re not always the obvious stuff like snapping at people or losing sleep. Sometimes they show up as behaviors that look perfectly reasonable on the surface. You might even get praised for some of them.
But when we can spot these patterns, we gain something powerful—the ability to address what’s actually going on underneath.
1. People-pleasing beyond normal kindness
We all want to be considerate, but stress can turn this into something more intense.
Maybe you find yourself saying yes to every request, even when your schedule is already packed. Or you notice you’re constantly checking other people’s moods and adjusting your behavior accordingly.
This happened to me last year when work was particularly intense. I agreed to help plan my friend’s birthday party, join a volunteer committee, and take on extra projects—all in the same month.
I told myself I was just being a good friend and colleague. In reality, my stressed-out brain was desperately trying to ensure I remained liked and supported, because everything else felt so uncertain.
People-pleasing as a stress response often stems from our nervous system’s assessment that we need others’ approval to stay safe. When we’re already feeling vulnerable, the idea of disappointing someone can feel genuinely dangerous, even when logically we know it isn’t.
2. Constant busyness that feels productive
Here’s a tricky one because our culture celebrates being busy. But there’s a difference between having a full, engaging life and needing to pack every moment with activity.
When stress is driving the bus, stillness can feel intolerable because it leaves space for anxiety to bubble up.
I notice this in myself when I start filling weekend mornings with errands that could easily wait. Or when I catch myself scrolling through my phone while watching TV while eating dinner.
My brain is essentially saying, “If we stop moving, we might have to feel what’s actually going on.”
Research shows that constant activity can become a way to avoid processing difficult emotions or situations. The problem is, those feelings don’t actually go away—they just build up in the background.
3. Perfectionism that goes beyond caring about quality
There’s wanting to do good work, and then there’s spending forty-five minutes crafting the “perfect” email to your colleague about lunch plans.
When perfectionism kicks into overdrive, it often signals that our system is trying to prevent any possibility of criticism or failure—because right now, those feel too threatening to handle.
I learned this the hard way during my analyst days. I’d spend hours perfecting spreadsheets that needed maybe twenty minutes of actual work.
My manager thought I was incredibly thorough. Really, I was terrified of making a mistake when I already felt overwhelmed by everything else on my plate.
What’s important to understand is that perfectionism often isn’t about the task in front of you—it’s about old conditioning.
Somewhere along the way, you absorbed the message that being flawless equals being safe, loved, or acceptable. That’s why it feels so threatening to simply do “good enough.”
As Rudá Iandê writes in his new book, Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life. He writes:
“When we let go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves to live fully—embracing the mess, complexity, and richness of a life that’s delightfully real.”
That line reframed everything for me. Perfectionism doesn’t actually protect us. It drains us. The more we can let go of impossible standards, the more energy we have for the work—and the life—that truly matters.
4. Over-analyzing conversations and interactions
You send a text to a friend that says “sounds good!” They respond with just “k.”
Suddenly you’re wondering: Are they annoyed? Did you say something wrong yesterday? Should you follow up or give them space?
According to psychology, when we’re stressed, our brains begin overanalyzing to resolve uncertainty. This made perfect sense for our ancestors—if the tribe was upset with you, your survival was genuinely at risk.
But now this same system can turn casual interactions into sources of intense analysis.
I went through a phase where I’d replay work meetings in my head for hours, dissecting every comment and facial expression. I thought I was just being thoughtful about team dynamics.
Actually, my stress levels were so high that my brain had shifted into threat-detection mode, scanning every social interaction for signs of danger.
5. Extreme organization or its opposite, complete chaos
Remember my desk drawer situation? Turns out there are two ways stress can show up around organization.
Some of us become hyper-organized, creating elaborate systems and color-coded everything.
Others swing completely the other direction—papers pile up, laundry becomes a permanent floor fixture, and finding anything takes an archaeological expedition.
Both responses make sense from a nervous system perspective.
Extreme organization can be an attempt to create order when everything feels chaotic.
Complete disorganization might happen when we’re so overwhelmed that maintaining systems feels impossible, or when part of us is rebelling against the pressure to “have it all together.”
Neither is inherently problematic, but when the behavior feels compulsive or creates more stress than it relieves, it’s worth paying attention to what might be driving it.
6. Difficulty making decisions, even small ones
Standing in the cereal aisle for ten minutes because you can’t decide between oatmeal and granola.
Spending an entire evening researching the “best” restaurant for a casual dinner with friends.
Asking multiple people for their opinion on decisions you’re perfectly capable of making yourself.
When we’re stressed, our decision-making systems can get overwhelmed. Everything starts to feel equally important, or we become terrified of making the “wrong” choice.
This is partly because stress hormones interfere with the prefrontal cortex—the brain region responsible for executive decision-making.
I noticed this pattern in myself during a particularly intense work period. I’d stand in my closet every morning, genuinely unable to choose what to wear. It wasn’t about the clothes—my decision-making capacity was already maxed out before I’d even left the house.
7. Withdrawing from social connections
This one can be especially sneaky because it often looks like self-care or introversion.
You start declining invitations, responding to texts less frequently, or finding reasons to skip social gatherings you normally enjoy. You might tell yourself you’re just tired or need alone time.
Sometimes that’s exactly what it is. But when withdrawal becomes a pattern, it can signal that your nervous system has shifted into a protective mode where social interaction feels like too much to handle.
This makes sense—strss naturally decreases our capacity for the emotional labor that relationships require.
The challenge is that isolation often makes stress worse in the long run, even when it provides short-term relief. Humans are wired for connection, and cutting ourselves off from support systems can amplify the very stress we’re trying to manage.
What this actually means for your daily life
Recognizing these patterns isn’t about judging yourself or trying to eliminate every stress response. These behaviors developed for good reasons—they’re your system’s attempt to help you cope with challenging circumstances.
The goal is awareness. When you notice yourself sliding into one of these patterns, you can pause and ask: What’s actually going on for me right now? What am I feeling stressed about? What do I actually need?
Sometimes the answer is simple—more sleep, a conversation with a friend, or a temporary break from whatever’s overwhelming you. Sometimes it’s more complex and might benefit from professional support.
This is where Rudá Iandê’s reminder resonates deeply: “Emotions are messengers, not enemies.”
For me, this insight reframed everything. Instead of seeing stress responses as flaws to fix, you start to recognize them as signals. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, constant busyness—they’re not random quirks. They’re messages from your nervous system pointing toward something that needs care.
And when you treat those emotions as messengers, not enemies, you stop fighting yourself. You begin responding with compassion instead of criticism. That shift alone can change not only how you handle stress, but how you experience your entire life.
Final words
The next time you catch yourself perfecting something that doesn’t need perfecting, or saying yes when you want to say no, try getting curious instead of critical.
Your brain is doing its best to help you navigate whatever feels challenging right now. The question isn’t whether you should have these responses—it’s whether they’re actually serving you, and what they might be telling you about what you need.
After all, our stress responses are information. And information, when we know how to read it, can be incredibly useful for building a life that actually works for us.
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