A man living with agoraphobia is facing an untenable situation with his neighbors.
In a Reddit post, he shared that they have been complaining about the presence of his friend—a man who comes over daily to support him. The poster took to Reddit to share his frustration, with a screenshot of a text message from the neighbors complaining about “male talking sounds” disturbing their lives and asking if his friend was “staying indefinitely.”
Newsweek spoke to Victoria De Paula, a certified couples and trauma therapist, about the situation and what the poster can do next.
Stock photo: A couple react to noise from a neighboring apartment.
Stock photo: A couple react to noise from a neighboring apartment.
Dima Berlin/Getty Images
The poster said that, since suffering an “extreme mental breakdown” in January, he has been agoraphobic, and his friend has been helping him as he tries to heal. He told his neighbors that the previous quiet was because he “was literally by myself, but now I have someone here with me and we watch TV together and have conversations.”
Despite the man’s attempts to be accommodating, the complaints have persisted.
“We are quite confused, as it’s not like we are playing loud music or shouting or anything—literally just relaxing on my couch and talking a little at a normal volume,” he wrote. The man, a self-described considerate person, said he feels a mix of frustration and guilt.
“This situation is making me feel guilty for laughing at jokes or just enjoying myself—which is the opposite of what I need right now,” he added.
The Internet Weighs In
The Reddit community was quick to express outrage and solidarity with the poster. Many pointed out the unrealistic expectations of living in a shared building.
“If you cannot deal with noise from neighbors, then buy a stand-alone home where you don’t share any walls with a neighbor,” one person wrote. “If you live in a building, there will be noise. Deal with it.”
The nature of the neighbors’ questions also raised suspicion. A commenter asked: “Is this the landlord? They have literally zero right to any information about your guests. You are allowed to use the apartment you pay for.” The poster replied that both he and his neighbors own their apartments, making the complaint even more unsettling.
An Expert’s Perspective
De Paula provided professional insight for Newsweek into the situation, explaining that the conflict is more about psychology than noise.
“Conflicts between neighbors are often fraught because the perception of a threat to one’s environment … can cause a kind of fight-or-flight anxiety response where people react from a defensive position,” De Paula said.
For someone already dealing with mental-health challenges like the poster, this type of complaint can be especially damaging. De Paula said these complaints “can amplify feelings of anxiety and depression,” and leave a person feeling stressed and guilty.
De Paula’s advice to the poster was to introspect but then set firm boundaries.
“It is important that the poster maintain their right to have friends over at their apartment and have conversations as long as those are had at a reasonable volume and aren’t happening late at night,” De Paula said. She also suggested a face-to-face conversation to foster “more space for human connection.”
In a poignant piece of advice, De Paula added that the man should use this noise complaint situation as an opportunity for his own healing.
“Perhaps the poster and their friend can occasionally leave the apartment together to take a walk and get tea, or sit and talk in a nearby park,” De Paula said, adding that a small act of bravery could lead to greater progress in his recovery.
Newsweek reached out to u/thegoosenell for comment via Reddit.