The Libs have allowed us to reach the double-digit portion of October. It’s curtains now, brother. Hang it up, lunatics. We’ve won. You’ve lost. Best sports month on the calendar, and you were too busy bitching about the government shutdown to realize you were letting us slide right into it. 

And now, we go. Let’s roll.

Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where Charley Hull trades in her three-wood for a two-piece in Hawaii. What else?

I’ve got the best of the rest from a big week of #content, Gracie Hunt had her first real Red Friday of the year this morning and Jaxson Dart’s mom checks in after a big primetime debut. 

God, I’m so jealous of the New York Giants today. Do you know how depressing that is to say out loud? Sad. Oh well. I begged my Dolphins to take Dart in April, and they instead took some D-lineman who, I kid you not, may be the worst player in the NFL. 

Nice work, Grier!

Grab you whatever you’d like since it’s a Friday, and we’re all in a good mood today, and settle in for an end-of-the-week ‘Cap!

The Exciting Whites in New York have this white dude in Florida ready to ROLL

I cannot get enough of Skattebo and Dart. It’s not possible. They will almost undoubtedly have to simultaneously retire in five years due to early-onset CTE, but it’s going to be one hell of a ride until then. 

And how about the two snaps Russell Wilson had to take last night because Jaxson Dart launched his head into someone’s knee? 

Think Brian Daboll knows his ass is tied to the QB position at this point?

Amazing. MetLife had to sit through one awful Russell Wilson play, immediately got PTSD, and booed him into next week. Giants fans don’t ever want to see Russ throw a ball for them again. They’ve seen the other side. They’ve seen Jaxson Dart. They can’t go back. They won’t go back. Neither will Brian Daboll. 

Don’t blame any of them. 

Plus, if you lose Dart, you lose his mom – and you can’t be putting this sort of talent on the shelf in October. 

What a week of #content!

Welcome to class, Kara Dart! And how about SeanJo with the heads-up screenshot last night!? That’s how you know the culture department here at OutKick is in good hands. Some Big Js are breaking down Xs and Os after a game like that. Sean is monitoring Jaxson Dart’s mom. 

Choose your fighters, America. 

OK, let’s get to the best #content from a big week. Just a miserable – and I mean MISERABLE – night to be a Philly sports fan:

Gracie, tush push, reader mail & Charley!

Great week, all! Brutal night for Philadelphia sports fans. Flyers, Eagles and Phillies? Bloodbath. That was one of the most brutal game-on-the-line-and-your-ass-puckers-up moments I’ve ever seen. Tough. 

Few thoughts … 

1. Good to see OutKick OG Trish Christakis finally getting some national love. Took y’all long enough!

2. That actually is exactly how Florida looks. It’s not hyperbole. That’s Florida in one picture. 

3. Katie Porter continues to be must-see TV. 

4. That high school mace story? Insane. Here’s the longer clip for those who want the All-22:

“I couldn’t see … I could hardly breathe,” linebacker DJ Boone told Fox 2 News. 

I’d imagine so. I’ve never been maced before, but that checks out. Can’t argue with that. Parents, shockingly, weren’t thrilled. They’ve already filed several formal complaints with the Ohio police department, who I imagine isn’t having a great week. 

All in all, not a great start to a Football Friday, but it can only go up from here, right? Lord, I hope so. 

Regardless, head on a swivel for those of you, like me, who are going to support the boys tonight. You never know when you’re gonna get maced in the face. 

That’s right – I’m going to a high school football game tonight. My school’s homecoming game. Haven’t been in 15 years. Going tonight. Looking forward to sneaking in some booze and nervously drinking it to impress the girls, just like the old days!

4. The Tush Push …

Yeah, let’s talk about the Tush Push. Rapid-fire time on this middle(ish) Friday of October!

I’m out on this BS. I’m done with it. Honest to God, after that 4-play sequence last night, I turned the game off. I couldn’t do it anymore. 

It’s embarrassing, especially when replays constantly show blatant cheating. The league has had, what, three offseasons now to get rid of it? And they STILL haven’t done it? Get your head out of your ass, Goodell, and ban this crap. It’s worse than the stupid new kickoff, and that’s saying something. 

Next? Quick break from my bitching to check in with Gracie Hunt, who finally gave us a solid #RedFriday this morning. 

‘Bout time:

That’s the Gracie Hunt we all know and love! Red Fridays used to be a staple around here, but they’ve STUNK the past year or so. Hopefully this is the start of the turnaround – both for the Chiefs and for Gracie. 

Well, mostly for Gracie. 

Next? Quick check of the mail on the way out. 

From Mike in insufferable California:

I just wanna say, some of us out here in CA (especially in the OC) are sane and have never voted for Katie. The robot is cool, but that’s a lot of money to spend on something to get you and your buddies a beer. Still, it would be very cool.

Thanks for another great Nightcaps.

Thanks, Mike! The robot he was referring to was from yesterday’s class, where we discovered that AI maids are now being deployed all over the country. As for Katie … we all know who she is. You just saw more of her a bit ago. She’s the one who could mix in a salad every once in a while. 

And, from TNML Keith:

Zach, 

I really appreciate everything you and the “caps” team do day in day out.  Keep it up! I usually don’t weigh in on topics but the Katie Porter interview reminded me of the costume Arnold wore in Total Recall when he arrived on Mars. 

It would be cool to see a mash-up of Katie Porter’s interview meltdown and the arrival on Mars that reveals she is actually Arnold in disguise.  No wonder she is the “front-runner.”

Keep up the great work!

Thanks for all you do!

Thanks, Keith! Excellent call-back. Total Recall! Haven’t seen that one in YEARS. Anyway, I tried to have ChatGPT give me that mashup, and this is what the woke robot replied:

I can’t create or edit an image that depicts a real person – like Katie Porter – in a fictional or potentially unflattering scenario.

If the robot maids act like this, we’re in big trouble. Anyway, it did eventually pump out what it called a “fictional” mashup of both people with similar aesthetics. You be the judge:

OK, that’s it for today – and this week! Good work, everyone. Take us home, Charley Hull. 

Aloha!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Tush Push thoughts? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.

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