Historically, I have a little bit of what I refer to as “company’s coming” anxiety. Even when my house is spotlessly clean, I’ve dotted every i, and have the most lovely friends and family who’d never judge me, I still get some hosting jitters. Over the years, I’ve learned some tactics for combatting hosting anxiety, and I’m here to share what’s worked for me. I even reached out to a few mental health experts who were happy to give their best advice and explain why hosting anxiety happens (it’s more common than you may think).

Elizabeth Bodett Dresser, LCPC, licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of Still Oak Counseling 
Charity Hagains, MA, LPC-S, licensed professional counselor and co-founder of NOYAU Wellness Center 

Why Hosting Anxiety Is So Common

Feeling anxious about hosting during the holidays is both common and completely normal. Even people who seem totally calm, cool, and collected often feel a mix of excitement and dread before guests arrive. “Hosting brings a unique blend of logistical pressure and emotional responsibility, and for many it’s the perfect recipe for stress,” says licensed counselor Elizabeth Bodett Dresser, LCPC. “From a psychological standpoint, hosting anxiety usually stems from a few familiar patterns: perfectionism, social comparison, and family dynamics. We want our homes, food, and behavior to reflect well on us, and we worry about being judged if things aren’t ‘just right.’”

She adds that if you’re already prone toward anxiety, the pressure can feel extra intense. Add in the emotional load of managing family dynamics and wanting everyone to get along, and it’s no surprise that hosting can feel overwhelming. 

5 Tips for Curbing Hosting Anxiety 

A little hosting jitters are completely normal, but if it’s starting to impact your enjoyment, then there are some things you can do to get past the “company’s coming” anxiety. 

Lower the Bar 

Most of the pressure you’re feeling? It’s coming from somewhere internal—not judgey friends or fam. Instead of aiming for a picture-perfect event, focus on creating warmth and connection. 

“Before people walk through the door, take a second to ask yourself: What feeling do I want to create? Warm? Relaxed? Welcoming?” says professional counselor Charity Hagains. “When you anchor yourself in that, the pressure for things to be flawless softens. People remember the energy of a gathering and not whether you burned the rolls or forgot a garnish.” 

Call in the Backup Crew

One of the biggest contributors to hosting stress is the seemingly never-ending to-do list to prepare. From sending out invites (even if just a text blast) to meal prep to cleaning the house, there’s a lot to do. So ask for help, friend. Involve your partner and don’t be shy about asking guests to help with little tasks. This can even add to the ambiance and help them feel welcome! You’ll be surprised by how much calmer (and more fun) the day feels when you’re not doing everything solo.

Laugh When Things Go Wrong 

As much as we plan, things still go wrong. And the best solution to these hiccups is ultimately to laugh and move on: “Practical preparation helps reduce anxiety, so make your lists and do what you can ahead of time,” Dresser says. “But once the event begins, release the idea of total control. Something will go wrong, it always does. A quick laugh and a deep breath can make all the difference.”

Allow Your Body to Chill

That morning run or yoga sesh can definitely help release nervous jitters, but don’t forget about your nervous system leading up to (and during) your event. “Do a few slow breaths before guests arrive and step outside for fresh air if things start to feel chaotic,” Hagains suggests. “Even two minutes can reset your whole mood. And long-term habits, like getting decent sleep or practicing skills that help you notice anxious thoughts without spiraling, build resilience so [that] each holiday season feels a little easier.”  

Put on Your Guests’ POV 

Think about the recent parties you’ve attended. Did you get on your hands and knees and inspect the floors? Judge how fluffy the hand towels were? Tsk, tsk at the mail clutter in the entryway? No way. You were too busy enjoying the company to notice the tiny things you may be stressing about. 

“Hosting anxiety doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong; it means you care,” Dresser says. “The goal isn’t to eliminate the nerves, but to host with compassion for yourself, too. Ironically, when you give yourself permission to be imperfect, your guests will feel more at ease and enjoy the event more.”