It’s the last Saturday of the college football season, which can only mean one thing: it’s rivalry week.
There are plenty of ways to get one over on a rival school, chief among them being winning on the field.
But what happens if your team pisses its pants in the most important game of the season and loses to that hated school from up north/out west/down south?
There has to be another way to chirp your rivals, right?
That’s when I decided to compile a list to help some of those downtrodden fanbases out (I am also among said downtrodden fanbases).
I tasked ChatGPT with a simple prompt: give me the 10 most dangerous FBS college football stadiums based on crime statistics in the immediate vicinity.
After some tinkering, it spat out a list complete with a graph and spreadsheet (which I will include at the end).
It’s not perfect, and ChatGPT told me as much, with an included “confidence” rank based on how sound the data it pulled was. This is for entertainment and trash-talk purposes, not an official FBI bulletin.
Regardless, if your rival is on this list, be sure to let them know that their stadium and the surrounding area is a crime-infested dump!
Happy rivalry week, let’s begin!
10. Bryant Denny Stadium (Alabama)
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
This one shocked me, but I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising.
For every Bieber haircut–clad frat boy, there are plenty of violent criminals hanging out in the immediate Tuscaloosa area.
Perhaps violent crime has upticked ever so slightly since they stopped winning a national championship every other year.
9. Nippert Stadium (Cincinnati)
Photo by Ian Johnson/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
They don’t call it the “Nasty ’Nati” for nothing.
According to ChatGPT, Nippert Stadium’s ZIP code has an elevated violent crime rating when compared to the national average, plotting it at number nine on the list.
That could just be intestinally distressed fans fighting over a spare bathroom after downing Skyline Chili, but maybe I’m just a hater.
8. Yulman Stadium (Tulane)
This might be the first stadium that comes as a shock to absolutely no one, as New Orleans consistently ranks near the top of the violent crime ratings year after year.
Yulman is no different, with a high violent crime rate, according to the city of New Orleans as well as the Tulane Clery reports.
It’s worth noting that campus incidents at Tulane are lower in frequency than those happening at or around the stadium, so maybe next time you’re in NOLA, stick to Tulane’s library instead of the stadium.
7. Bulldog Stadium (Fresno State)
I have to admit, I was very surprised to find this one on the list.
We all know California is a crime-infested hellhole on average, but I assumed Fresno State was just a sleepy little university in the valley.
Apparently not, with Fresno PD reportedly logging a high number of incidents in Bulldog Stadium’s ZIP code.
You think you know a place…
6. Doak Campbell Stadium (Florida State)
Photo by Butch Dill/Getty Images
The first of three of my biggest rivals to appear on the list, not a lot has been going right in Tallahassee, and it looks like that rings true for the safety of their football stadium, too.
Tally has a reputation for being a dangerous area (nicknamed “Talla-nasty”), so anyone familiar with the city shouldn’t be surprised to see Doak crack the top 10.
Maybe they should spend less money on their awful coach’s inflated contract and more on making their stadium safer.
5. FBC Mortgage Stadium (UCF)
Photo by Julio Aguilar/Getty Images
Was I shocked to see my alma mater crack the top five? Yeah, a little bit.
This is an on-campus stadium, and outside the occasional drunk fight or MIP, I really didn’t see too much violent crime during the handful of times I made the trek to a UCF football game.
Then again, UCF has the second-largest student population in the country, so it’s all a numbers game, and the UCF Clery reports say those numbers are high and violent.
 4. Protective Stadium at Legion Field (UAB)
Photo by Williams Paul/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
Birmingham is a pretty notorious area for elevated crime statistics, so this one checks out.
What’s hilarious is the name of the stadium: Protective?
Talk about irony. There’s nothing “protective” about Legion Field if the local crime reports are to be believed.
3. Tiger Stadium (LSU)
Photo by Gus Stark/LSU/University Images via Getty Images
I have a bone to pick with LSU after they swooped in and stole the coach I wanted for the Gators, so seeing them medal in the violent crime Olympics brings me great joy.
Baton Rouge is a pretty nasty place, both with regard to crime and just aesthetically, so Death Valley making it all the way to number three on this list checks out.
Am I still a little salty about the Lane Kiffin saga? You bet I am!
2. Hard Rock Stadium (Miami)
Photo by Kirby Lee/Getty Images
Our silver medalist is a locale I am quite familiar with, as I’ve been to more Dolphins and Marlins games (back when they still played here) than I care to count.
While the Hurricane fans don’t exactly show up in droves to see their team play a home game, what they lack in numbers they make up for in vitriol.
You couldn’t pay me to watch a ’Canes game in these not-so-friendly confines, but it isn’t just the fans.
If you drive even 200 feet in any direction from the stadium, you’re bound to find yourself in some pretty dangerous neighborhoods.
No wonder Miami can’t draw a crowd!
1. Simmons Bank Liberty Stadium (Memphis)
Photo by Thomas Shea-Imagn Images
Without a doubt, this was the most obvious, slam dunk number one there could have been.
I’ve never been to Memphis, and I don’t plan on going, but anyone who has looked at crime statistics over the last couple of decades would tell you spending an extended period of time here is a bad idea.
It makes sense that the Tigers’ stadium is no different, with the FBI and University of Memphis Police Department giving the area a “very high” violent crime rating.
Even the campus has an elevated level of violent crime, which tells me everything I need to know.
Did any of these entries shock you? Let me know by emailing me at austin.perry@outkick.com, I would love to hear your thoughts.