NEED TO KNOW
A divorced dad isn’t sure he’s right for not wanting to pay for his daughter’s birthday party
He explains that his ex-wife told him she can only pay for the party their daughter wants if they split it
However, OP said he already sends a lot of money to his ex and doesn’t want to pay another expense
A divorced dad isn’t sure he’s right for refusing to help his ex-wife out with the cost of their daughter’s birthday party.
The original poster (OP) shared their story in a post on Reddit’s AITA forum, and explained that he’s based in Connecticut, which he explained handles support differently than other states. Even though he has his kids 50% of the time, the parent who gets support (his ex) is supposed to cover all the normal kid expenses unless the divorce explicitly says otherwise.
In his case, OP and his ex are only supposed to split uninsured medical/dental issues and mutually agreed extracurriculars. OP said he provides child support and alimony, and noted that his ex doesn’t work. She retained the house in the divorce and has a “big chunk” of assets.
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Stock image of a birthday party
Their divorce decree said she’d get the finances needed to maintain the kids’ lifestyle, but OP said he feels like he’s paying for support, private school and normal kid costs on his own time.
This year, his daughter wants a trampoline park birthday party. His ex emailed him to say that she can only afford the party if they split the cost. OP said his ex’s ask feels off because it’s not something he’s obligated to split, and she’s financially supported specifically so she can host these types of things.
While he said he wants his daughter to have a great birthday, he doesn’t think he’s supposed to fund things that aren’t decreed in the divorce and said that this feels like a “transfer of wealth” if he pays. He asks if he’s in the wrong for refusing to pay.
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Stock image of a person holding a birthday cake
In his comments, people were mixed over whether or not OP was in the wrong. One person said that in the eyes of the court, OP is not in the wrong — but in the eyes of his daughter, he might be.
“[In] the eyes of the people don’t know you personally and only know the details you have told us, you’re NTA.” they said. “In the eyes of your daughter who will only be told that you refused to help pay for the party yet you paid for her brother’s party, that’s a different story. Your ex has you between a rock and a hard place.”
Another agreed with the first person, but said it was probably better to just pay for the party.
“NTA. However, your daughter doesn’t deserve the consequences of this. I would agree to pay for the party and let your ex-wife know, in no uncertain terms, that it will never happen again,” they said. “That if it does, rather than you paying her for half of the party, you will do the party yourself when you have your daughter. And the ex-wife will miss out on the experience.”
A third said that everyone is in the wrong in this situation since the parents are involving the kids.
“[Everybody sucks here]. Divorce can be nasty. Especially if there’s a stay home parent involved. But your kids should never pay the price for that,” one commenter said.
“By the sounds of things, your kids are older (paying car insurance means they are at least 16) and you only have a few years left of child support. You can nitpick and fight with your ex wife while your kids suffer the consequences and start to resent you,” they continued. “Or you can suck it up for a few years till they’re adults. Given that you clearly aren’t suffering financially, this isn’t taking food off your table, just suck it up and pay it for your kids sake.”
Read the original article on People