This is a newsletter bonus question. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My friend, “Angela”, who is in her 30s, is the first of my friends to have a baby. Her circle is small, and so is her fiancé’s. He is new to the state. They decided to try for a baby after just six months of dating, and will be wed this summer.

Angela is a hippie, and a victim of abuse at the hands of her father, brother, and past partners. One partner in particular was conspiratorial, and as a result, she has never received a COVID vaccine. In 2022, I was unable to see her before my abortion in the case that I might need surgery—I couldn’t risk contracting COVID.

During her pregnancy, we talked about vaccination, and Angela told our friend group she intended on getting the baby vaccinated. She also told us she would get the Tdap shot during her pregnancy, though she never confirmed actually having done so.

Angela is now a stay-at-home mom with a four-month-old baby. I love this baby. I love the title of “auntie.” But Angela is becoming overprotective and delusional. She has no media literacy and is sharing anti-vaccine posts on Facebook. When challenged, she thanks me for my help, but it rings hollow. She talks often about “hating Trump,” but is now parroting a lot of his ideals. I can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t vaccinate their baby! How can I get through to her?

—Vaccinated

Dear Vaccinated,

Few things going on here! But the most glaring is that your friend’s baby is four months old, meaning your friend is just four-months postpartum. This is a hard, hard time for her—she’s isolated, she’s sleep deprived, her body and hormones are still doing strange things, and she’s got this living creature to take care of. You call her “overprotective and delusional,” but another way to put that might be “suffering from postpartum depression.” (Not a doctor! Just musing here, but like, c’mon.)


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Right now, the best thing you could do for your friend would be to encourage her to speak to her doctor about how she’s feeling. And the next best thing would be to just be there for her, listen to her, be compassionate, and supportive, and yes, offer one IRL data point of dissent on the vax front (e.g., when she brings it up or posts about it, simply reply: “I’ve read the same stuff you have. And I still believe vaccinations save lives,” or whatever).

As for “getting through to her” beyond that—good luck. We live in an information hellhole right now. Her media illiteracy and vax hesitancy is the result of societal failure, not her own personal or moral shortcoming. Her baby’s pediatrician will have many opportunities, and some authority, to talk her about vaccines. And there will (likely, probably, definitely, depending on where you live) be many checks in the future that could spur vaccination: daycare registration, school registration, camp registration. This isn’t your problem to solve.

But if this is a red line for you, then sure, tell her that and peace out. It sounds like you might be looking for a reason to do that anyway—judgment for your pal is just oozing from your letter, before you even mention vaccines. Your friend could definitely use a friend, but it doesn’t have to be you.

—Logan

Classic Prudie

I’m a personal assistant to a highly accomplished woman a few years older than me whom I admire and respect a great deal. I’ve worked with her for five years, and we have a close professional relationship. This weekend, we were together late one night when she confided in me how lonely she was; the long hours we work make it difficult for her to maintain a relationship, and she has few friends nearby. Then she told me how good it was to have someone she could confide in and how grateful she was that she could speak to me in confidence. She gave me a look that under any other circumstance I would have taken as an invitation to kiss her.

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