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Good morning to everyone wondering why McIndoe changed his last name and stopped being funny. We’re five weeks from July 1 in one direction and six weeks from training camp in the other. The NHL will never be quieter. We’ll make it through together.

Let’s get efficient

I say this with the utmost sincerity, and I don’t mean it as a backhanded compliment: If it weren’t for Dom Luszczyszyn, the offseason would (somehow) be even more dull. Last week, he dropped his list of the best and worst contracts in the league. This week — since not every team can employ your Brandon Hagels, your Jack Hugheses or your Jonathan Huberdeaus — he’s doing full cap-sheet evaluations for every roster, with the Tampa Bay Lightning making a huge leap from No. 13 last year to the No. 1 wisest spenders this year.

A few other takeaways from Dom’s contract efficiency rankings:

• I appreciate the volatility. Only two teams in the league have three A-grade contracts and three D-grade contracts. One of them (Canadiens) can blame their old general manager. The other one (Kings) definitely, definitely cannot.

• Where are the Panthers? In the right spot for this sort of exercise, actually. Brad Marchand, as you may have heard, is old, and Sam Bennett isn’t paid for his regular-season work. Those aren’t the kind of deals that grade out all that well. Seeing the champs somewhere other than No. 1 wasn’t surprising.

• Oh, Seattle. Remember the expansion draft and all that talk of “weaponized cap space?” Whatever happened there?

The full list is worth your time. These are vegetables, sure, but they’re well-seasoned.

(Justin K. Aller / Getty Images)Sid City

As a Pittsburgh resident, I shouldn’t be working today. It’s Sidney Crosby’s 38th birthday, which is technically a civic holiday. Banks are closed and everything.

In honor of all that, Josh Yohe put together a few nice, Crosby-centric pieces. The first is a thorough accounting of his greatest goals. I won’t spoil the whole thing. I will, however, spoil No. 1, because I agree with Josh and was in the building for it: In 2011, on his second shift back from the concussion-related catastrophe that derailed his career, Crosby made a play behind his own net, skated up ice and, after getting the puck, went wide to beat Anders Nilsson. Then he said a bad word, very happily and very loudly.

Was it Crosby’s most spectacular goal? No. Did it come when the stakes were the highest? From a team standpoint, another no. The full context, though, makes it a no-brainer choice. Fourteen years have passed, and Crosby has reinforced his greatness a hundred times over, but it’s always worth remembering just how close it all came to falling apart. Don’t ever take players like him for granted.

Josh didn’t stop there. This collection of small, previously untold moments that give a glimpse into who Crosby is as a person, from a reporter who’s been around him as much as anybody is even more fun. And don’t miss this Crosby-centric Q&A with Josh and his column on what No. 87’s final chapters in the NHL might look like.

Trivia time 💡

In 2007, the Penguins made Crosby the youngest captain in NHL history at 19 years and 297 days old. Since then, two players have broken that record. Who are they?

(Jeff Chevrier / Getty Images)Slow and slower

Two weeks back, McIndoe quantified just how thoroughly the league had shut down. It’s time for an update.

As of today, it’s been …

13 days since the last trade (San Jose acquired Oskar Olausson from Colorado for Danil Gushchin. The players have 22 NHL games between them.)
21 days since the last trade involving an established NHL player (Dakota Joshua to the Leafs for a pick.)
27 days since the last UFA to sign with a new team on a deal worth more than $1 million AAV (Jeff Skinner to the Sharks.)
28 days since the last trade involving NHL players on both sides (If you count Vladislav Kolyachonok, who was traded in the Matt Dumba salary dump.)
35 days since the last UFA to sign with a new team on a multiyear deal worth more than $1 million AAV (Nikolaj Ehlers to the Hurricanes.)
15 minutes since I googled “Nick Robertson trade rumors.” (Ol’ DGB had to take PTO at some point.)
Coast to Coast

🍻 I’ve learned plenty from Fluto Shinzawa’s work over the years, and this piece on the drinking habits (or lack thereof) among some NHL players is no different.

🤔 We mentioned Nick Robertson earlier. He’s a Maple Leaf for now after a one-year deal to avoid arbitration, but his situation still feels pretty murky, as Chris Johnston wrote.

✈️ I have a feeling the Jets are going to get their money’s worth from Dylan Samberg, who signed a three-year deal last week.

👨🏻‍⚖️ Justice McIndoe presides over the Cap Court, where he examines whether five players’ contracts — including one that runs until 2032 — are bad or not.

🥇 It’s (seriously) already time to talk about World Junior roster projections, and the prospects guys have you covered.

🎙️ Over on “The Athletic Hockey Show,” McIndoe and I were joined by beat writers for the Sabres, Penguins, Red Wings and Flyers to discuss how to get each of these teams out of their rebuilds and into the playoffs.

Your trivia answer

Gabriel Landeskog was named Avs captain when he was 11 days younger than Crosby; Connor McDavid was named Oilers captain when he was 31 days younger.

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(Top photo of Brandon Hagel: Mike Carlson / Getty Images)