Dating advice: My boyfriend left me for dead in his apartment. I’m not sure I can ever look at him the same way.

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

I have been with my current boyfriend for about eight months now. He seems kind and caring, but I have started questioning this relationship after a scary incident. Although we don’t live together, I often stay over at his apartment.

Recently, a man who shot someone on the street was running away from the police and broke into my boyfriend’s place while trying to escape. This was in the early hours of the morning, and my boyfriend was already up having his coffee while I was still asleep. When he heard the commotion and realized someone was breaking in through the back door, he ran out the front door. He did not try to wake me up or even warn me; he just ran. I ended up stuck with an armed and dangerous person in an apartment, surrounded by police. I locked myself in the bathroom until the police apprehended the person and released me.

Only later did I put together what happened. My boyfriend had many excuses: he acted on instinct, he tried to get back in, but the police wouldn’t let him, etc. But his instinct was to leave me there. I feel crushed and want to end the relationship, but I am also wondering if I am judging him too harshly. How many of us actually get tested that way? I am not even sure how I would have behaved in his shoes. Is this a massive red flag? Should I leave?

—Left for Dead

Dear Left for Dead,

Yes, this is a massive red flag. Yes, you should leave. Don’t take it from me: Test it out on a couple of friends, or even poll strangers on the internet. “During a home invasion, my boyfriend ran to safety without alerting me or even waking me. What do you think about that?” Write down their responses and refer back to them if you ever don’t trust your own gut.

But of course you don’t really need them—or even me—to affirm the fairness of having a negative reaction to something another person did, even if they did it in an unexpected and terrifying scenario. Because, remember, you’re not going to have to go before a judge and argue that this incident meets the criteria for a justified breakup. There’s no romantic authority who will get back to you in seven to 10 business days with a verdict about whether this was a relationship-terminating event. You really, truly, as hard as it can be to believe, get to end things simply because you want to. “I don’t feel the same way about them anymore” is an acceptable reason, whether it’s based on the way a person chewed gum, the weird way their pillowcases smelled,  the fact that you mysteriously lost the feelings you once had for them, or the fact that they left you for dead.

If a relationship, for whatever reason, no longer makes you feel the way you want to feel, you get to leave it without any penalty. Besides, even if it’s something extremely petty and unfairly critical that gives you the ick (to be clear, what you describe in your letter doesn’t fit into that category), your partner deserves to be with someone who sees them in a positive light. Maybe there’s someone out there who would have thought, “How great of him to save himself. He knows I hate to have my sleep disturbed and that I’m ready to die whenever it’s my time, and he really put my needs first.” But that person is certainly not you.

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Dear Prudence,

I’m very allergic to dogs. Yes, even your very cute dog; yes, even well-behaved dogs; no, it doesn’t mean I hate them; yes, I’ve consulted with an allergist because people love dogs and they’re everywhere. I once had to request to work on a separate floor because a co-worker had a seizure alert dog for her safety. The process was horrible, both emotionally and office-politics-wise for us both. I use an air purifier and take antihistamines already for my lower-intensity regular allergies. I specifically rent in a small building with a strict no-pets policy, and it’s been great for me until now.

I’ve been here for three years, and recently noticed a massive uptick in allergy symptoms at home. I couldn’t figure out why I was so miserable, and even had my first allergy-caused emergency room visit in years. Then I found out my neighbors have a large, new dog. Their adult daughter was having instability and left her dog with them for the foreseeable future. I feel bad for them, and for “Fluffy.” He’s quiet and well-behaved. But even one dog’s worth of dander in the hallways, the air vents between our units, etc., is horrible for me. How do I politely but firmly request that they don’t keep Fluffy here? Or should I just snitch to the landlord? I know they didn’t choose this, but I didn’t either.

—Allergic But Not Heartless

Dear Allergic But Not Heartless,

I appreciate your wanting to talk to the neighbors one-on-one, and in an alternate, utopic universe, where your allergies weren’t so severe, perhaps they could’ve accommodated you by investing in their own air purifier and a special shampoo, and using the stairwell to exit the building instead of the elevator.

But you had to go to the emergency room. I’m assuming you could have died! I’m sorry about your neighbors, but it’s not as if adhering to the building’s pet policy means their daughter won’t be able to get her life back on track or that the dog will have to be euthanized. It just means they’ll all need to figure out a place for him to stay where his presence won’t stop someone from breathing. Your health matters more than your concern for your neighbor’s situation. Tell the landlord.

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Dear Prudence,

My sister forgets every birthday. I love giving gifts (to the point it is probably self-serving!). She also has far less disposable income than I am lucky to have. (I don’t think this is why she forgets, since on the odd occasion that she has remembered, she’s always sent very thoughtful, handmade gifts from her children and things of the like).

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My Kid Has Discovered a Rare Childhood Rite of Passage. My Neighbor Is Determined to Ruin It.

Is it still OK for me to send her and her children nice presents (she is divorced, so no partner to consider at the moment)? I don’t want to look like I’m being flashy or showy, but I love buying them presents. We also live in different countries, so it’s a chance for me to send them things they might not normally get. I  don’t want to make her feel bad or regretful in any way that she doesn’t reciprocate. In the past, gifts have been well received. I just don’t want any hard feelings.

—To Give or Not to Give

Dear to Give or Not to Give,

It seems you’re imagining how you would feel if you were the one forgetting gifts. But you’re looking at this from a thoughtful, conscientious, organized person’s perspective. Your sister has a different brain.

The same qualities that make her forget to send you gifts most of the time very likely also mean she’s not keeping great records of who sent what and when. The fact that she’s scatterbrained, overwhelmed, or just extremely busy means she misses occasions, and also means she probably hasn’t even thought about whether you two are gift-giving equally. I love that she gives thoughtfully when she can, that she appreciates what you send her and her children, and that you aren’t as concerned about equality as much as you are with protecting her feelings. I think your current arrangement is fine. Put another package in the mail.

Classic Prudie

My new wife, “Brenda,” and I are supposed to be on our honeymoon but instead, she is sharing her bed with someone else. I know it sounds ridiculous, but should I be worried? She is extremely close to her best friend, “Sadie”—they were young women together in the city. Their friendship involves sleepovers, and sometimes Brenda would spend the night with Sadie instead of me.

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