ABC; NBC; HBO
What better way to finish out the weekend than with another edition of Quotes of the Week?
In our latest list below — which rounds up the best sound bites of the past seven days — you’ll find nearly a dozen shows represented, including “Adults,” “Dark Matter,” “Next Gen NYC,” “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City,” “Lanterns,” “R.J. Decker,” “Big Brother,” “American Dad!,” and more.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: Mel B butchers Billie Eilish’s name on “America’s Got Talent,” Mark Ballas pokes fun at his celebrity partner on “Dancing With the Stars,” and a “Girls” vet delivers a hard truth on “Adults.” Plus, we’ve got a double dose of “The Paper.”
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves! (With contributions from Nick Caruso, Rebecca Luther, Dave Nemetz, Kimberly Roots, and Andy Swift)
Dark Matter
Apple TV
“You’re my person. I’m yours. I just need to find my way.”
Daniela (Jennifer Connelly) says goodbye to her husband after the threat of alternate realities takes its toll
American Dad!
Fox
“I’m a little behind, did you guys figure out these are clones yet?”
“Roger, why are you in here?”
“Stan 4 found out I was also hooking up with Stan 7… and 8, 9, 10, and 11. There was a hilarious scene of me on six dates all at the same Ruth’s Chris. Did that get cut for time?”
Francine (Wendy Schaal) may not be amused by Roger’s (Seth MacFarlane) clone-dating shenanigans, but we absolutely need a full director’s cut of this episode, complete with an extended version of that date
R.J. Decker
ABC
“Babe, my eyes are up here.”
A pantsless bank robber gets cute with a nervous (and understandably distracted) teller during a heist
The Traitors: New Blood (Episode 2)
NBC
“I’m not a liar!”
“Yeah, but you’re not a good hearer either!”
Victor takes Kriste to task after a bout of miscommunication gets Madeline banished from the game
America’s Got Talent
NBC
“Now, I love — I call her Billie Eyelash. I know that’s not her name, but she knows me, so she’ll forgive me.”
Does it still count as name dropping if Mel B doesn’t actually use Billie Eilish’s name?
The Paper (Episode 9)
Peacock
“I mean, it’s almost funny.”
“Yeah, almost. But, y’know, not. Like Dane Cook.”
Ned (Domhnall Gleeson) doesn’t see the humor in a workplace rumor that Mare (Chelsea Frei) and much older boss Marv are hooking up
The Paper (Episode 10)
Peacock
“Listen to me. If I come back as somebody else, I will come find you, OK? If you get a call from a college-age guy when you’re in your 50s, take the call. Answer all your calls!”
Fearing he’s near death, Ned (Domhnall Gleeson) tells Mare their romance can continue after he’s reincarnated
Dancing With the Stars
ABC
“When we were in the [‘Traitors’] castle, Maura said to me, ‘I really wanna do ‘Dancing With the Stars.””
“He laughed at me.”
“I was like, ‘You can’t make it through a 40-minute challenge!'”
Tough love from Mark Ballas… but “Traitors” fans know he isn’t wrong about Maura Higgins!
Big Brother
CBS
“I know I swore on my sister that I wouldn’t put Yash up. But listen: God’s not watching ‘Big Brother.’ But if he is? He’s gotta respect the game move.”
Drew really can justify anything to himself, can’t he?
Next Gen NYC
Bravo
“We also have a pact that, like, he’s freezing his sperm, I’m gonna freeze my eggs, so if we don’t have kids by the time we’re 40, we’re gonna, like, kaboom that.”
Georgia reveals her plan to collide her eggs with the sperm of her ex-boyfriend Prez
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Bravo
“Stop calling Henry. I want all girls to know: I’m monitoring his phone, and you’re on speakerphone, and I hear everything.”
If girls want to talk to Lisa’s teen son Henry on the phone, they should know Lisa is listening
MobLand
Paramount+
“We are the Harrigans! Don’t know the name? Then f***ing Google us!”
Conrad (Pierce Brosnan) makes sure there’s no doubt about who came out on top of the dog-track battle
Lanterns
HBO
“You were never going to replace me, Junior. Here endeth your training.”
Hal (Kyle Chandler) is done being a mentor, it seems
Adults
FX
“Like, you think you’re the first people to be young and adorable in New York?”
Nina (played by “Girls” alum Zosia Mamet) has a dose of cold, hard truth for Billie