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It’s been said that the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know, but “American Horror Story” Season 13 proves that to be untrue in its penultimate week, as Episode 11 kicks off with Ben revealing that he hasn’t come to New Orleans to fight the “Coven” witches — he’s there to help them defeat Satan!
According to Ben, he explored the inner workings of Mr. Nas’ brain and discovered that he was responsible for engineering Ben’s entire life, from his miserable childhood to the plane crash that killed his girlfriend. Even better, the rage he experienced from this information unlocked his latent powers. Determined to forge a future for himself on the side of good, he’s aligning himself with his father’s enemies, the one move Mr. Nas won’t see coming.
But can the Devil’s offspring be trusted? Not at first, and Ben is fully aware of this, so he brings them the ultimate peace offering: Myrtle Snow, in the flesh! Freshly liberated from her personal hell — an eternal shift at JCPenney in Branson, Missouri — Myrtle appears in the doorway of Miss Robichaux’s, delivering her long-awaited catchphrase, “Balenciagaaaa!”
Dragging Myrtle from the depths of hell earns Ben some brownie points with the witches, but no one is more enamored with him than Madison, who inexplicably begins narrating the show midway through. In what feels like an episode of “Madison, the Teenage Witch” (which we would absolutely watch!), we witness a zippy montage of Madison’s horrendous dating history, filled with looksmaxxers and all other manner of f-boys.
Madison even apparently cast a love spell (“Travis and Taylor… Ben and Jen… not Garner…”) in an attempt to lure the man of her dreams. While Madison waited for Mr. Right to sweep her off her broomstick, she also decided to freeze her eggs, but much to her dismay, her flamboyant warlock gynecologist was only able to retrieve a single egg.
Madison and Ben’s unholy union
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This brings us back to the present day, and Madison is head over hooves in love with Ben. He whisks her away on lavish dates, including one dinner in Italy that “felt like something out of a Julia Roberts movie,” Madison says, adding, “I love her.” It’s a wonderfully shameless moment, and we half expect Emma Roberts to wink directly at the camera while she says it. (Get it? Julia Roberts is Emma Roberts’ aunt!)
While on this date, Ben tells Madison about his apparent breakup from Ashley. (Remember her?) With his newly awakened superpowers, Ben confronted her about conspiring behind his back, then twisted her head around until it literally popped off. Madison is, of course, the perfect sounding board for this story; she says that’s nothing compared to the time she flipped a bus of frat guys. (To be fair, they deserved it.)
At this point, Madison is all in on Ben… in every way. (“The benefits of a forked tongue,” he jokes after their first night together.) But there’s one thing that troubles her: if Ben can read Mr. Nas’ mind, is the reverse also true? He shrugs this question off, then explains that he sees Madison as a temptation sent to him by God to see if he’ll turn his back on Satan — and he’s choosing her.
“I always knew that someday my prince would come,” Madison narrates. “Who knew he would turn out to be the Prince of Darkness?”
What’s better than *one* Jessica Lange?
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Episode 12 kicks off with the long-awaited and fully satisfying reunion of Fiona Goode and Myrtle Snow, the latter of whom has some piping hot tea to spill, direct from hell. Fiona has an identical twin sister named — wait for it — Constance Langdon, and their mother was a tortured nun named — wait for it again — Sister Judy Martin! And with that, “American Horror Story” has connected Jessica Lange’s “Murder House,” “Asylum,” and “Coven” characters in a way we simply never expected. As Myrtle explains, Sister Jude received a “desperate” visit from Mr. Nas during her imprisonment, and the rest is horny, hellish history.
Myrtle refuses to join Fiona’s fight, offering up another option: her sister! And just like that, we get one of the most bonkers scenes in “AHS” history, which is saying a lot for this show. Not one but two Jessica Langes share the screen as Constance and Fiona hash out what they know about their shared history; after Jude gave birth, Baby Constance was sold to live with a couple in Virginia and Pepper (of all people!) sent Baby Fiona to live at Miss Robichaux’s in New Orleans.
The two women are initially focused on how differently their lives turned out, with Constance lamenting that she didn’t inherit any of their mother’s magic. That’s when Fiona gets an idea! An awful idea! Fiona gets a wonderful, awful idea! Maybe they’ve finally come together because Fiona is meant to spark Constance’s latent abilities as a witch — gaining a powerful new ally in her battle against Satan (aka their father).
A fan-favorite character’s return is short-lived
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Meanwhile, Cordelia and Marie are busy cooking up a potion to take down Satan, but Ben isn’t feeling particularly patient, asking if the ladies can speed up the brewing process. Marie takes the opportunity to bargain for the one thing she’s always wanted — the return of her (and our) beloved Queenie — in exchange for moving up her time table.
With Queenie back among the living, Marie explains what needs to be done: Cordelia is going to drink this freshly brewed potion, which will allow her to steal the life force that Mr. Nas has been collecting with his mass murders. Mr. Nas will revert to a helpless baby, at which point Queenie will absorb his life force before calling on the ancestors to trap him in Hell forever. It will then be the coven’s responsibility to monitor the li’l Hell baby for the rest of time. Fair enough.
In New York, Cordelia and Queenie ponder how the world will change when the Devil is finally banished, but they don’t have much time before Ben summons them to Mr. Nas’ penthouse to carry out their assault.
Unfortunately, that assault does not go according to plan. For one thing, Queenie doesn’t count on Rubber Man showing up and choking her out from behind, nor does Cordelia anticipate being stabbed to death in the back by Mr. Phibes. And with Ben paralyzed in the living room, courtesy of his father, the witches appear to be out of luck.
OK, let’s talk: What did you think of Episodes 11 and 12? Do you love the connection between Jessica Lange’s three characters, or is it too ridiculous? And how do you predict Season 13 will end next week? Drop a comment with your thoughts below.