{"id":104438,"date":"2025-08-23T14:33:07","date_gmt":"2025-08-23T14:33:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/104438\/"},"modified":"2025-08-23T14:33:07","modified_gmt":"2025-08-23T14:33:07","slug":"my-mother-in-law-told-me-one-of-the-worst-things-you-can-say-to-a-pregnant-woman-im-aghast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/104438\/","title":{"rendered":"My mother-in-law told me one of the worst things you can say to a pregnant woman. I’m aghast."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/p>\n

My husband and I are expecting our first child in October, and my sister is throwing a baby shower for me in a few weeks. Since my husband\u2019s mother found out, she has made it her personal mission to put a halt to the event.<\/p>\n

She claims that we are \u201cinviting disaster\u201d by holding it and accepting gifts for our baby before he arrives. I have told her that if she is not comfortable attending, that\u2019s fine, but she doesn\u2019t get to decide for me. Her response has been to tell me to go ahead, but \u201cdon\u2019t be surprised when the baby is stillborn.\u201d I\u2019ve had enough. She is really starting to cast a pall over what should be a happy occasion. My husband tells me she\u2019s always been superstitious and to just ignore her. Easy for him to say\u2014he\u2019s not the one who\u2019s pregnant! How can I convince him that he needs to get his mother to keep her opinions to herself?<\/p>\n

\u2014Shower Stress<\/p>\n

Dear Shower,<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t. Or, at any rate, I wouldn\u2019t bother, because even if you convinced him, he\u2019d still have to convince her. (And if his response to you is that you ought to ignore her\u2014presumably that\u2019s what he does\u2014I am pretty sure he knows he won\u2019t be able to convince her. Not to mention that he doesn\u2019t want to be bothered trying.)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Help! I Met Up With My Son-in-Law for \u201cCoffee.\u201d I\u2019m Shocked by What Actually Happened.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Run a Daycare and Agreed to Do My Sister a Simple Favor. What She Did Next Has Ruined My Reputation.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Mom Is Offering Me a Free Place to Stay for College. But There\u2019s a Big Catch.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Husband Cheated With My Friend. It Made Our Sex Life Better Than Ever.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

How about you take the bull by the horns yourself? You\u2019ve already told her where you stand; she\u2019s blown right by that and escalated things. Someone who tells you your baby is going to be stillborn is not someone you need to hear from. So stop speaking to her altogether until after the baby is born. I wouldn\u2019t even make a production of it: I\u2019d just say, \u201cOh, sorry, can\u2019t talk now\u201d whenever she calls\u2014or not pick up the phone when you see it\u2019s her. If she stops in for a visit, you\u2019ll be just on your way out.<\/p>\n

Do not invite her over; do not accept her invitations. If she complains about your freeze-out to her son\u2014and she will\u2014that\u2019s his chance to say something to her, which is what you wanted in the first place. If nothing else, he can explain why you\u2019re icing her out. That conversation will be good for both of them. Will it change her? Doubtful. But the most important outcome of this is that you won\u2019t have to listen to the dreadful things she has to say anymore. And you can keep this strategy in your back pocket for after the baby is born, if she tries to get under your skin then too. You are under no obligation to put up with her (or anyone\u2019s) bad behavior.<\/p>\n

\u2014Michelle<\/p>\n

More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

My friend\u2019s kids don\u2019t know that they\u2019re adopted. My very good friend, let\u2019s call her Stacy, was married years ago, to a man whose niece had a daughter at 16. My friend and her husband stepped up and took care of the baby most days for 18 months, until the birth mother came to them and announced that she just couldn\u2019t do it anymore. They ended up adopting the baby. A couple years later, the birth mom came to them with the fact that she was pregnant again. Stacy and her husband adopted this baby at birth. They raised both girls for the next two years before divorcing.<\/a><\/p>\n

The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":104439,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,3006,97,8284,148,37512,6843],"class_list":{"0":"post-104438","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-kids","12":"tag-parenting","13":"tag-single-q","14":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=104438"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/104438\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/104439"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=104438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=104438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=104438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}