{"id":113235,"date":"2025-08-27T07:35:21","date_gmt":"2025-08-27T07:35:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/113235\/"},"modified":"2025-08-27T07:35:21","modified_gmt":"2025-08-27T07:35:21","slug":"for-the-gaudreau-family-a-year-of-incomprehensible-grief-and-immeasurable-strength","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/113235\/","title":{"rendered":"For the Gaudreau family, a year of incomprehensible grief \u2014 and immeasurable strength"},"content":{"rendered":"

Twenty-five years ago, when building his family\u2019s home in Oldmans Township, N.J., Guy Gaudreau crafted the flooring by hand. He drove to Vermont and cut down the white ash trees from his father\u2019s wood lot. He oversaw the kiln-drying of the logs, the sawing of the planks, the molding of the panels \u2014 every step of the process.<\/p>\n

The result is well-polished and smooth, except for a single spot.<\/p>\n

Tucked away in the kitchen, the spot once contained a knot, which popped free, leaving behind a hole the size of a quarter. Naturally it became a source of material for Guy\u2019s two sons, John and Matty, who enjoyed trying to disrupt his usual even keel. The brothers would jokingly question their dad\u2019s choice of wood, talking about how it was cheap, until a riled-up Guy fired back, defending his work.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the way the boys were,\u201d Guy says, chuckling.<\/p>\n

Full of humor. Full of life.<\/p>\n

On Aug. 29, 2024, the eve of their younger sister Katie\u2019s scheduled wedding, John and Matty were struck and killed by an alleged drunk driver while riding bicycles near their childhood home. John, a star winger for the Columbus Blue Jackets known to many NHL fans as \u201cJohnny Hockey,\u201d was 31. Matty, who reached the second-tier AHL as a player before recently pivoting to coaching at the youth level, was 29.<\/p>\n

In the year since, the Gaudreau family has found flickers of light amid the darkness. NHL teams have invited Guy, a retired coach and community rink manager, to join them on the ice for practices, and countless letters from around the world \u2014 Canada to Sweden, Germany to Russia \u2014 have filled the parents\u2019 mailbox. Meredith Gaudreau welcomed her and John\u2019s third child in April, four months after Madeline Gaudreau gave birth to her and Matty\u2019s first.<\/p>\n

Through it all, Guy has been proud of his family\u2019s efforts to keep the boys\u2019 memories alive. Of course, he adds, \u201cI\u2019d rather have them back.\u201d<\/p>\n

Voice just above a whisper, he continues, reminding himself of the cruel reality.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t have them back.\u201d<\/p>\n

No guide exists for processing grief of this magnitude. Each member of the Gaudreau family shares the same two losses, but their experiences are far from uniform. Guy sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night and wanders through the house, wondering how this bad dream came to be. Older sister Kristen posts pictures of the brothers to her Instagram story on a near-daily basis. When Katie traveled to Italy for her delayed honeymoon last month, she felt a sting every time she saw an advertisement for the 2026 Milano Cortina Olympics. John had so badly wanted to play at the tournament.<\/p>\n

\u201cSome days you have an OK day, and then halfway through the day something will hit you,\u201d says their mother, Jane Gaudreau. \u201cThen some days you wake up and it just feels like someone is sitting on your chest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jane has learned to prepare herself for the predictably hard moments, like the boys\u2019 birthdays and Mother\u2019s Day. But others catch her by surprise. At her job, writing Matty\u2019s old jersey number, 21, on a piece of paper. At a family friend\u2019s wedding, watching the mother-son dance.<\/p>\n

Or at home one day in March. As Jane walked through the kitchen, her foot tripped on the divot in the white ash floor.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t hurt at first. But then she looked down, saw the hole and started to sob.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

John and Matty with their parents on a family vacation (Courtesy of Katie Gaudreau)<\/p>\n

With a guest list topping 200, Katie\u2019s wedding was scheduled for Aug. 30, 2024, in the Philadelphia area. The day before, John and Matty went golfing with their fellow groomsmen, then returned with everyone to Guy and Jane\u2019s home. The Gaudreau brothers hung out in the hot tub by the backyard pool, laughing into the evening.<\/p>\n

Sometime around 8 p.m., they hopped on a pair of bikes and rode off to see a friend.<\/p>\n

Meredith last saw John that morning, before he left for golf, when he gave goodbye kisses to her and their daughter, Noa, and son, John Jr. He had packed the car \u201cin perfect Tetris fashion,\u201d she later wrote in an article for the Players\u2019 Tribune, filling it up for John Jr.\u2019s christening, Katie\u2019s wedding, and their eventual return to Columbus for the 2024-25 NHL season. It was the four-year anniversary of the day he asked Meredith to marry him.<\/p>\n

Meredith was in her first trimester of pregnancy. Madeline was further along, at 23 weeks. Her last interaction with Matty came that evening, while she was at a Philadelphia hotel where visitors were staying for the wedding. They texted about their future baby\u2019s name, which they had already decided.<\/p>\n

At approximately 8:19 p.m., according to court documents<\/a>, John and Matty were cycling along the narrow shoulder of Pennsville Auburn Road, around two miles from the family home, when an SUV moved to the center of the two-lane road to pass. From behind, a Jeep Grand Cherokee then sped up to the right of the SUV, fatally striking the brothers from behind. The driver, who is facing charges of aggravated vehicular homicide and involuntary manslaughter<\/a>, among others, posted a blood alcohol level of 0.087, above the legal limit of 0.08.<\/p>\n

In the aftermath, the family converged on Guy and Jane\u2019s house. Guy dropped to the floor and bawled. Meredith was unable to stand up, she wrote in the Players\u2019 Tribune, at once \u201cawake and having nightmares.\u201d It was all too much for Madeline, who caught a ride from a friend to her and Matty\u2019s home some 10 minutes away. She went to bed by herself, hoping to wake up and learn it had just been a terribly vivid pregnancy dream.<\/p>\n

Both Gaudreau parents were admitted into a local hospital that night: Guy out of concern for elevated heart rate and blood pressure, and Jane because she had entered what family described as a catatonic-like state at the house upon hearing the news, incapable of responding, no matter how loud Katie screamed her name.<\/p>\n

Jane and Guy each stayed two nights at the hospital. They were put in separate rooms, but the nursing staff allowed Jane to climb into Guy\u2019s bed and sleep there. There was no cure for what they were feeling, but at least they weren\u2019t alone.<\/p>\n

Less than a week later, Meredith and Madeline visited a funeral home to plan a joint memorial service for their late husbands. At one point that day, the two wives were in a room with Lewis Gross, John and Matty\u2019s agent. When the funeral director asked where Meredith and Madeline wanted flowers to be sent, the group began tossing around the idea of accepting donations to a charity.<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe we should start a foundation in the boys\u2019 name,\u201d Gross suggested.<\/p>\n

In setting up the John and Matthew Gaudreau Foundation, the wives focused on areas of passion for its namesakes. In a public letter launching the foundation in March, Meredith and Madeline, who serve as co-presidents, expressed a desire to \u201cexpand youth ice hockey opportunities, help hockey families facing tragedies, as well as help families that are unfortunately also affected by drunk driving, like ours.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit, the foundation maintains an online store selling hoodies and hats \u2014 products the brothers would have worn. The wives are planning their first event, likely a golf outing. Someday, Madeline says, they hope to pass the reins on to the next generation of Gaudreaus.<\/p>\n

\u201cA lot of times when Matt and John are spoken about, it\u2019s with a lot of sadness and heaviness, and rightfully so,\u201d Madeline says. \u201cBut I want to change the narrative, and rather than talking about the tragic way we lost them and how they should be here, talking about the foundation and what we\u2019re doing with it is what I\u2019m trying to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

The foundation has received ample support from the hockey community. Meredith was amazed to learn that three NHL players even asked for donations to it in lieu of gifts at their respective summer weddings: Blue Jackets defenseman Zach Werenski, who also had Noa Gaudreau serve as flower girl, and the Florida Panthers\u2019 Matthew Tkachuk and Sam Bennett, both of whom played with John on the Calgary Flames, his first NHL team.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A view of the helmet sticker with the brothers\u2019 numbers, worn at a game played in their honor. (Len Redkoles \/ Getty Images)<\/p>\n

\u201cI look at it as, \u2018I have an opportunity to do a lot of good and help people who need help,\u2019\u201d Meredith says. \u201cThat\u2019s what feels good to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Guy and Jane, meanwhile, pursued a separate charitable effort in putting on the Gaudreau Family 5K, which raised money for an adaptive playground at Archbishop Damiano School, a school for students with special needs where both Jane and Kristen work. A family friend came up with the idea, and a group of nearly 20 handled the organizing. Neither parent was ready for such a large undertaking so soon after losing John and Matty.<\/p>\n

The race took place in Sewell, New Jersey<\/a>, on the last day of May. Less than 24 hours before, Jane saw that the weather forecast included rain. She went upstairs to the brothers\u2019 childhood room. Aside from trading the two twin beds for an adult-sized one, the family has kept it virtually unchanged over the years. The dresser is still full of the boys\u2019 sweats, swimsuits and other clothes they used when visiting home.<\/p>\n

Jane plopped onto the bed. She stared up at the sports-themed wallpaper bordering the ceiling.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey guys, I know I haven\u2019t heard from you or you haven\u2019t given me any signs,\u201d she said. \u201cBut maybe you could just do me this one favor.\u201d<\/p>\n

The rain passed by the time of the race.<\/p>\n

Madeline always liked the idea of having tattoos, but wanted to be certain she would never regret her choice before getting one. Clarity has come over the past year. She now has six, including a \u201cJ 13\u201d for John and his jersey number on her left arm, Matty\u2019s name below her ring finger, his and their child\u2019s initials on her right wrist, and a particularly special one on her left abdomen.<\/p>\n

\u201cLove, Your Husband,\u201d it reads.<\/p>\n

Madeline took those words from a card Matty once gave her. The tattoo is in his handwriting. Others came before it, but this was the most emotionally difficult: Before the process began, the artist had mixed the ink with Matty\u2019s ashes.<\/p>\n

Both Meredith and Madeline have now gotten multiple tattoos with their husbands\u2019 cremated remains, all done by the same New Jersey-based artist. Now, the wives are always carrying John and Matty with them.<\/p>\n

\"\"\/<\/p>\n

They aren\u2019t alone. Guy, Jane, Kristen and Katie all wear bracelets with the brothers\u2019 jersey numbers on them. At Katie\u2019s rescheduled wedding in July, her bouquet featured those same numbers: 13 small roses for John and 21 large ones for Matty.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tried really hard to just keep saying their name,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

There are public tributes everywhere, too. At Hollydell Ice Arena, the rink where Guy worked as hockey director until 2020 and taught the brothers to skate, an ice sheet for younger players now bears a new name: the Gaudreau Rink. At Gloucester Catholic, where John and Matty played high school hockey before leaving for the junior level in the USHL, a banner honoring them stands outside the gym across from a trophy case of photos, as well as a No. 13 Flames jersey autographed by John.<\/p>\n

Multiple memorials have sprung up on the side of Pennsville Auburn Road. A cross with the boys\u2019 names rises from the ground, surrounded by artificial flowers. Two bikes, both painted white, are chained to a post, their wheels intertwined with weeds. It\u2019s part of a lush country area, surrounded by soybean fields, farming equipment and big skies.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A memorial cross for the Gaudreau brothers at the site of the crash (Peter Baugh \/ The Athletic)<\/p>\n

Prior to the crash, Guy would frequently jog and bike down that stretch; now he refuses to go by it and isn\u2019t sure he ever will again. Madeline won\u2019t drive past the site either, unless absolutely necessary. She knows the memorials are well-intentioned. But to her, the white bikes represent how the brothers died \u2014 not how they lived.<\/p>\n

For this reason, whenever Katie passes it while leaving her nearby house, the youngest Gaudreau sibling instead tries to imagine how happy her brothers must have been before the crash.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey were the two closest people I\u2019ve ever met in my life,\u201d she says. \u201cI try to think about how they were probably joking with each other and laughing and being together.\u201d<\/p>\n

The brothers are everywhere at Guy and Jane\u2019s house. The Hobey Baker Trophy that John won as college hockey\u2019s top player with Boston College in 2013-14 sits atop the dining room table. Matty\u2019s locker tag from a run with BC to the NCAA Frozen Four leans against a cabinet. A digital frame cycles through photos of the brothers on a kitchen counter, right above the quarter-sized hole in the floor.<\/p>\n

Nearby, at the top of the refrigerator, a magnet of John and Matty\u2019s jersey numbers keeps a picture in place. It was taken one long-ago Halloween, before Katie was born. John and Matty are both toddlers in it, dressed as clowns. Jane is holding Matty, and Kristen carries John, a decade his senior. White face paint covers the boys\u2019 faces, as Guy stands between them wearing a pirate\u2019s outfit complete with an eyepatch.<\/p>\n

Staring at her brothers on a recent summer day, Kristen sees their children.<\/p>\n

\u201cLook at that face,\u201d she says, gesturing to little John and then to a picture of Noa further down on the fridge. \u201cIt\u2019s the same face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like Noa, Carter Michael Gaudreau takes after his dad: He was born at 8 pounds, 3 ounces and 20 1\/2 inches \u2014 the exact same measurements as John. With big cheeks and a round face, middle child John Jr. follows John more in personality than looks \u2014 observant and a bit on the quiet side. Now 2, Noa is the only one old enough to have memories of her dad but doesn\u2019t quite understand what happened.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Meredith Gaudreau with Noa and John Jr. (Kirk Irwin \/ Getty Images)<\/p>\n

\u201cI tell her you\u2019re in heaven and that we can look at photos and videos,\u201d Meredith wrote in her Players\u2019 Tribune article, formatted as a letter to John. \u201cIt crushes me every time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Matty used to tell his wife he was born to be a dad. Now his son, Tripp Matthew Gaudreau, resembles him in his mouth and chin, Madeline says. Guy adds that Tripp is lanky \u2014 just like Guy\u2019s dad and just like Matty. His favorite toy is a hockey stick. Soon, as hard as she knows it will be, Madeline will bring him to a rink. Matty was so looking forward to that.<\/p>\n

To Madeline and Meredith, the children offer purpose. After Tripp\u2019s birth in December, despite the cold temperature outside, Madeline noticed a blue butterfly by her hospital window. It stayed there until she was discharged. When she came home with Tripp, another blue butterfly greeted her at the door.<\/p>\n

But life away from those sources of light is more difficult.<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel like I have two personalities now,\u201d Madeline says. \u201cI have one when I\u2019m with Tripp and I\u2019m present and I feel happy.<\/p>\n

\u201cThen the other part, when he goes to bed, I just feel kind of like a shell of a human.\u201d<\/p>\n

For Madeline, it\u2019s important to experience the sadness, often alone. Sometimes she walks outside and talks to Matty. Others she spends in silence, feeling his presence. In the days after the crash, someone gifted her a journal titled \u201cLetters to my husband.\u201d She keeps it next to her bed and writes in it every night.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho I was is not anymore,\u201d she says. \u201cI haven\u2019t quite figured out where to go from that.\u201d<\/p>\n

On Friday, Meredith and Madeline plan to spend the anniversary of John and Matty\u2019s deaths together, with their children, on the Jersey Shore. The fact that it\u2019s the one-year mark, Madeline says, holds no significance to her. Every day without her Matty is painful. She doesn\u2019t want to give any added power to this one.<\/p>\n

Through the pain, the wives are creating happy memories. Meredith brought Noa and John Jr. to pregame ceremonies honoring John in Columbus and Calgary last season. In June, when Meredith went to Los Angeles and announced the Blue Jackets\u2019 first-round pick in the NHL Draft, Noa watched on TV, clapping her hands and grinning.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo, Mommy, go!\u201d she chanted.<\/p>\n

On her first Mother\u2019s Day with Tripp, Madeline knew Matty would want her to do something for herself. Instead, she felt better doing something for him. Taking care of their two-acre property used to always fall to Matty, who never minded the yard work. Guy and Jane had even given him a riding mower as a housewarming gift.<\/p>\n

After Matty\u2019s death, a neighbor took care of the landscaping. But that day, Madeline felt the urge to do it herself. She looked up a YouTube tutorial on using the mower, put on a pair of Matty\u2019s brown boots, climbed into the seat and turned the key.<\/p>\n

In the year since the loss of his sons, Guy isn\u2019t sure that the grief has gotten easier to manage. He knows he\u2019s not as fun as he used to be, and he worries that friends only see him out of pity. For a time, he struggled to talk about John and Matty\u2019s accomplishments or look at pictures of them without crying or feeling anger at all his family has lost.<\/p>\n

\u201cI start getting jealous of other people that have their kids, and I don\u2019t have mine,\u201d he says. \u201cNot that I want anything bad to happen to anyone. It just makes me feel like I got (robbed).\u201d<\/p>\n

The sleepless nights haven\u2019t gone away, either. Sometimes, drifting through the house, he turns on the TV for a distraction. Or he calls his brother Eddy and cries through the phone. Recently, though, he believes he\u2019s started turning a corner in at least one regard: Reminiscing about his late sons is easier.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Guy Gaudreau with grandson John Jr. walks toward center ice for a pregame ceremonial puck drop in honor of Matty and John. (Len Redkoles \/ Getty Images)<\/p>\n

Standing in the kitchen, Guy smiles as he recounts John\u2019s first NHL goal, scored in his Flames debut wearing a No. 53 jersey now kept in the dining room. He raves about Matty\u2019s growth at Boston College, developing from a freshman who barely played to the team\u2019s leading scorer as a senior. He laughs about preparing steaks, cheese omelets and milkshakes for the boys\u2019 breakfasts, trying to help them add weight to their skinny frames.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood kids,\u201d he says. \u201cGood boys. It\u2019s hard to get up every day without \u2019em.\u201d<\/p>\n

After taking September off from work, Jane returned in October to her job as a finance associate at Archbishop Damiano. The job is part-remote, and she carpools with Kristen on the days she goes in. Jane doesn\u2019t like driving alone. The quiet makes her think of John and Matty, and if she turns on the radio, sad songs do the same.<\/p>\n

The stream of letters arriving at the house helps. In one, a mother wrote about how Matty, while playing for the USHL\u2019s Omaha Lancers as a teenager, took her son, a nervous newcomer to the team, under his wing. In another, the author wished that Jane would give talks on how to keep a family close. Katie thinks she should write a book.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe might not have had as much time as we wanted, but the time we had was better than a lot of people have with their families in an entire lifetime,\u201d Jane says. \u201cAnd I would rather have that and have that closeness and be together than not have that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though retired, Guy stays busy. He runs, mows the grass, cleans the backyard pool and takes trips to see his mom in Vermont, where he taps trees to make syrup. In addition to serving as a guest coach at practices with the Blue Jackets, Flames, Philadelphia Flyers and Vegas Golden Knights, Guy took the ice with Team USA at February\u2019s 4 Nations Face-Off, where he learned that general manager Bill Guerin had originally pencilled John in for the national team at the upcoming Olympics.<\/p>\n

But all Guy could really do when on the ice with the NHLers was push pucks around and chitchat. At that point, the former coach wasn\u2019t mentally ready to run drills again.<\/p>\n

The pain lessens when he\u2019s with his grandkids, who call him Pop-Pop. He notices it when leading Kristen\u2019s 10-year-old daughter Kamryn through pushups and other basic exercises in the living room \u2014 as he did with John and Matty and as he will likely do someday with their kids. He notices it on days when he babysits Tripp and hopes that the boy inherits Matty\u2019s athletic prowess.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I\u2019m holding him, I don\u2019t have such a big hole in my heart,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Before their deaths, John and Matty told Guy that they wanted him to come out of retirement to teach their kids hockey. Guy hopes he can find the strength to do that and prays that all four of John and Matty\u2019s kids want to play the sport that their fathers loved.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

A young Matty and John pose with their father. (Courtesy of Katie Gaudreau)<\/p>\n

This summer, he helped a friend coach a two-week camp in Pennsauken, N.J., a 30-mile drive from the Gaudreau family house. He spent seven hours a day on the ice with children ages 6 to 12, split into two sessions each day, leading drills and power skating sessions and scrimmages. His brain, he says, needed to start working again.<\/p>\n

Guy describes himself as a demanding coach, unafraid to yell. This style didn\u2019t fully come out at the camp, but he \u201cstarted feeling a little bit like my old self,\u201d he says. Watching the kids improve, he continues, \u201cI kind of felt like I accomplished something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Getting up at 6:45 a.m. every morning proved a struggle, and Guy returned home exhausted at each day\u2019s end. But he enjoyed the experience. He slept better those nights.<\/p>\n

(Illustration: Kelsea Petersen \/ The Athletic, with photos by Richard T. Gagnon \/ Getty Images, and courtesy of Katie Gaudrea)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Twenty-five years ago, when building his family\u2019s home in Oldmans Township, N.J., Guy Gaudreau crafted the flooring by…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":113236,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[66],"tags":[4047,392,385,99],"class_list":["post-113235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-nhl","tag-calgary-flames","tag-columbus-blue-jackets","tag-nhl","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113235","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=113235"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/113235\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/113236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=113235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=113235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=113235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}