{"id":155626,"date":"2025-09-14T06:44:14","date_gmt":"2025-09-14T06:44:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/155626\/"},"modified":"2025-09-14T06:44:14","modified_gmt":"2025-09-14T06:44:14","slug":"my-family-told-me-my-hearing-was-failing-the-truth-was-way-more-embarrassing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/155626\/","title":{"rendered":"My family told me my hearing was failing. The truth was way more embarrassing."},"content":{"rendered":"

Each week, Prudence\u00a0asks readers for their thoughts<\/a>\u00a0on the letters she\u2019s received. Her reply will be available every Friday only for\u00a0Slate Plus members<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Unheard:<\/a> I, too, was having trouble hearing the television, and lately, my grandson. My daughter wasn\u2019t harsh about it; she encouraged me to get my hearing tested and, if needed, a hearing aid. I dragged my feet for a while but eventually requested a test\u2014which, with my insurance plan, took over a year to schedule. When I did eventually get the test, I found out what was really happening to me.<\/p>\n

I learned that a build-up of earwax (don\u2019t use Q-tips!<\/a>) had immobilized one of my eardrums completely. After the somewhat uncomfortable removal, the test was rerun. I do have some hearing loss, which isn\u2019t unusual at 72, but the audiologist feels I\u2019m years away from needing hearing aids.<\/p>\n

\u2014Also Had Hearing Problems<\/p>\n

Wow, what an easy fix! I\u2019m a Q-tip fanatic, so if I ever start to lose my hearing, this is the first thing I\u2019ll think of now.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Unheard:<\/a> Hearing loss is really frustrating\u2014for the person experiencing it, and for those forced to shout just to be heard by someone unwilling to acknowledge the problem. My boss was hard of hearing at 69 when I first met him. My boss was already hard of hearing at 69 when I met him. Because we had a good relationship, I felt comfortable pointing out that when his back was turned he couldn\u2019t hear me, or that he was reading my lips, not looking at me. Over time, it got so bad I had to stop sharing confidential information with him verbally\u2014it wasn\u2019t very confidential if I had to shout loud enough for the whole store to hear. He never admitted to having a hearing problem, let alone considered hearing aids. The only upside was that he stopped complaining about the music we played in the store.<\/p>\n

I think the brother is trying to make a point, and I can understand why. It\u2019s not kind, but he\u2019s trying to show his mother just how bad her hearing has gotten, hoping she\u2019ll at least agree to a test and a trial with hearing aids. I do think the daughter should help with communication when it comes to the grandchild, but not necessarily with every nonessential conversation. The key is to point out, gently but consistently, how much the person is missing\u2014even with someone relaying what\u2019s being said. Just not to the point where they feel attacked.<\/p>\n

It took my father 20 years before he finally got hearing aids. The adjustment was difficult, especially in noisy public places, but when I visited him recently, at age 88, he went and put them on voluntarily so he could hear me. Subtle persistence, occasional frustration, and a doctor\u2019s encouragement can make a difference.<\/p>\n

My boss, however, 15 years later still hasn\u2019t done anything about his hearing. Sometimes nothing works, but giving up trying to help someone improve their quality of life when it\u2019s a real possibility shouldn\u2019t be an option.<\/p>\n

\u2014Robin<\/p>\n

I hear (no pun intended) what you\u2019re saying, but there\u2019s one part I\u2019ll quibble with. I actually do think it should be an option to give up on trying to help someone improve their quality of life, when they\u2019ve made it clear that they don\u2019t want the help. At some point, the \u201cnot nice\u201d things that are done to push for improvement take their own toll\u2014 perhaps even more than the original problem.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Unheard:<\/a> I\u2019m so sorry your mother is dealing with hearing loss. While I definitely don\u2019t agree with your brother\u2019s approach\u2014he\u2019s being a jerk\u2014he does have a point. Your mom really needs to get her hearing loss under control. Repeating everything someone says to her is not a reasonable solution for anyone involved. Her hearing will never improve and will get worse as time goes on. Hearing loss can lead to social isolation, brain atrophy,<\/a> and dementia.<\/a> It can be frustrating for relatives and a potential safety hazard. She needs to find a solution that meets her needs.<\/p>\n

There are plenty of options at tons of price ranges. I\u2019ve lived with my 92-year-old granny for the last 18 years, she\u2019s had severe hearing loss for the past four. We\u2019ve tried everything. Hearing aids from a club store (good price, not easy to use\u2014we returned them); hearing aids from a hearing aid store (extremely expensive but worked, unobtrusive, batteries require frequent changes), AirPods (self-administered test, best fit and comfort, relatively inexpensive), and SuperEar<\/a> (simple sound amplifier, over-ear headphones, super easy to use, least expensive option, great for conversations and watching television). I\u2019m not trying to shill for anything except making sure your mom gets the care she needs to avoid more severe hearing loss. It\u2019s going to take a bit for her to get used to it, but I promise she\u2019ll be glad she can hear and converse normally.<\/p>\n

Good luck!<\/p>\n

\u2014Caregiver in Texas<\/p>\n

Thank you for doing all the research! I hope she\u2019ll consider one of these options.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re No Winning with Wine<\/a>: You brought up some extremely good points that I think many people in the letter writer\u2019s position either don\u2019t know or care about in the interest of their own desire to indulge in alcohol. As someone who experienced an emotionally abusive relationship at the hands of an alcoholic, I was left with trauma triggered by the specific smell of alcohol on a person\u2019s breath.<\/p>\n

When I met my husband, he wasn\u2019t a drinker, but he developed a taste. While he isn\u2019t an alcoholic, he couldn\u2019t understand why I wouldn\u2019t join him for a drink in the beginning, even though I explained that smelling alcohol on his breath caused me to have flashbacks\u2014and that unfortunately, he adopts several mannerisms similar to my ex when he\u2019s drunk. (Not the abusive ones, just a general vibe as his personality shifts.)<\/p>\n

Therapy and exposure\u2014never something to impose on a partner, especially if they\u2019ve explicitly expressed discomfort\u2014helped me reach a place where the smell no longer triggers me. Even so, while I can now enjoy drinking for the taste and never more than mildly tipsy, my husband still claims he has no idea where the tipping point lies between buzzed and drunk, when those personality quirks surface. He refuses to learn or adapt, even though it always ends with him drunkenly obsessing over why I\u2019ve gone quiet\u2014because I\u2019ve shut down to manage my discomfort. He doesn\u2019t understand why it bothers me, despite repeated attempts to explain while he\u2019s sober, nor does he feel he should have to stop.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Siblings Are Feuding Over the Family Lake House. I\u2019m About to Make Things Even Worse.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Accidentally Spied on My Ex\u2019s New Sex Life. It\u2019s Not What I Expected.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n


\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

Help! My Messy Sister Is on a Mission to \u201cTake Back\u201d My Husband. What I\u2019m Planning in Return Will Ruin Her Life.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I Asked My Husband to Promise Me He Wouldn\u2019t Hit Our Future Kids. His Answer Gave Me Chills.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

I dearly hope the letter writer takes your words to heart. My husband, in every other respect, is an amazing man\u2014and maybe the letter writer is, too\u2014but alcohol isn\u2019t a necessity to live, nor is it required to relax or have fun. If he speaks to his wife and she isn\u2019t open to therapy\u2014or even if she is, but remains firm\u2014I hope he\u2019s rational enough not to choose the bottle over someone who loves him.<\/p>\n

\u2014RG<\/p>\n

I hope so too. And I\u2019m really sorry your husband hasn\u2019t been willing to accommodate you, and that you still have to deal with uncomfortable moments when he drinks. If alcohol is supposed to inspire good feelings, and he ends up upset about why you\u2019re quiet every time he gets drunk, he should really reevaluate the role alcohol is playing in his life. But I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve already told him that.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

I think your answer to Common Areas Are for Everyone<\/a> was way off-base. The rule is simple: Unless the elevator is full, when the door opens, anyone is entitled to get on. If this is a pet-friendly building, that includes pets. Your advice should have been to get on the elevator if there\u2019s room\u2014full stop. If anyone is physically barring you from doing it, report this to the management.<\/p>\n

\u2014Mike<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know, Mike! I think there\u2019s often a difference between what you\u2019re entitled to do and what\u2019s actually a good choice for your life. Personally, I wouldn\u2019t want to be the person shoving my way onto an elevator with a neighbor cowering in fear or yelling at me, nor would\u00a0 I want to spend the ride breaking up a dog fight. But to each his own.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Common Areas Are for Everyone: <\/a>Prudie is right as far as she goes. But you SHOULD contact your building management about that pesky unreliable second elevator! There may even be some code or something in your lease about providing a certain number of operable lifts.<\/p>\n

\u2014Pup Lover<\/p>\n

Great point!<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Paranoid:<\/a> This LW is lucky! Sneaking around to find ways to have sex? It\u2019s like being a teenager again!<\/p>\n

\u2014Peggy<\/p>\n

Funny! I\u2019m hoping she can embrace this reframing of the situation.<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

I have an emotionally unstable 30-year-old friend, who has been in therapy for over a year but dismisses most of the therapist\u2019s advice. This friend, \u201cSarah,\u201d is a staff member at a university research center and is having an affair with one of the students. She is one of his supervisors and has influence over his grades. Their relationship is against university policy, and it is causing problems with other students who suspect something is going on between them.<\/a><\/p>\n

Get advice on manners and morals in your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Each week, Prudence\u00a0asks readers for their thoughts\u00a0on the letters she\u2019s received. Her reply will be available every Friday…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":155627,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[11463,3006,97,79,6843],"class_list":{"0":"post-155626","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-dear-prudence","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-health","11":"tag-science","12":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155626","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=155626"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155626\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/155627"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=155626"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=155626"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=155626"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}