{"id":185533,"date":"2025-09-27T15:02:09","date_gmt":"2025-09-27T15:02:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/185533\/"},"modified":"2025-09-27T15:02:09","modified_gmt":"2025-09-27T15:02:09","slug":"we-had-a-very-strict-rule-for-our-kids-at-our-old-house-im-afraid-its-scarred-them-for-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/185533\/","title":{"rendered":"We had a very strict rule for our kids at our old house. I’m afraid it’s scarred them for life."},"content":{"rendered":"

Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Care and Feeding,<\/p>\n

Our old house was on a very busy road.<\/p>\n

So we had a strict rule that the kids weren\u2019t allowed out the front door without an adult. They\u2019re 9 and 11 years old, so I know this sounds like overkill. But there wasn\u2019t a porch or much of a front yard space, and the road had no sidewalks. In the time we lived there, a car once lost control and crashed into our front yard. Even normal traffic went at 50 mph. We had a nice big backyard: The kids played there.<\/p>\n

We moved before school started this year. Our new house is in a small development with sidewalks and slow traffic. It\u2019s close to a commercial street, where there\u2019s a public library, some stores, and a park. We want our kids to have more independence now that they can walk around safely. We explicitly told them when we moved that we were excited that they could safely do more on their own here, and that playing in the front yard would now be fine. But they\u2019re having trouble adjusting.<\/p>\n

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There\u2019s a central school bus stop for the neighborhood, and the local kids all walk to it and wait for the bus together. One neighborhood parent waits with her son because he has special needs, and she keeps a basic eye on the other kids. It\u2019s very safe. But our kids are scared to walk the 1\/8 of a mile without us. Our 11-year-old is similarly scared to walk two blocks and meet her friend and the friend\u2019s mom at the park. Our 9-year-old is reluctant to play in our front yard. How do we help them adjust? The strict rules were important for safety at our old house, but we\u2019re worried they left the kids scared of normal life.<\/p>\n

\u2014Don\u2019t Want to Helicopter<\/p>\n

Dear Don\u2019t,<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s rethink this problem from the kids\u2019 points of view. You moved to this new, much safer place a very short time ago. Be patient with them. If the old rules were in place for as long as they can remember, it\u2019s going to take a while for them to adjust. They\u2019re going to need more help than simply telling them that things have changed. They\u2019ll need to see for themselves that they have.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Arionne Nettles
\n I Think I\u2019ve Trained My Kid to Hate My In-Laws. Uh Oh.
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<\/a><\/p>\n

They\u2019ll see this by both direct observation of their surroundings over time (and yes, it may take them a while to fully absorb this) and by observing the way all their friends act (so: a combination of their friends\u2019 modeling appropriate behavior\u2014and good old-fashioned peer pressure).<\/p>\n

In the meantime, don\u2019t rush them. If they want to be walked to the bus stop for now, do it. If your older daughter is fearful about the short walk to the park, walk with her. This won\u2019t last forever. And the more matter-of-fact you are about this, the better. One of these days, you\u2019ll hear, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to come with us\/me, OK? Bye\u2014see you later.\u201d Please be matter-of-fact about that, too!<\/p>\n

\u2014Michelle<\/p>\n

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The latest sex, parenting, and money advice from our columnists delivered to your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Care and Feeding is Slate\u2019s parenting advice column.\u00a0Have a question for Care and Feeding?\u00a0Submit it here. Dear Care…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":185534,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[3005,3006,148,79,37512,6843],"class_list":{"0":"post-185533","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-family","10":"tag-parenting","11":"tag-science","12":"tag-single-q","13":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/185533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=185533"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/185533\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/185534"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=185533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=185533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=185533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}