{"id":23157,"date":"2025-07-20T05:58:10","date_gmt":"2025-07-20T05:58:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/23157\/"},"modified":"2025-07-20T05:58:10","modified_gmt":"2025-07-20T05:58:10","slug":"baby-shower-gifts-all-have-the-same-problem-my-solution-doesnt-require-a-registry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/23157\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby shower gifts all have the same problem. My solution doesn\u2019t require a registry."},"content":{"rendered":"

Each week, Prudence\u00a0asks readers for their thoughts<\/a>\u00a0on the letters she\u2019s received. Her reply will be available every Friday only for\u00a0Slate Plus members<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re That Was Weird<\/a>: Maybe the letter writer\u2019s friend had a lot of early miscarriages, and won\u2019t believe the pregnancy is \u201creal\u201d until there\u2019s a healthy baby in her arms that she gets to take home. I have a friend who had four miscarriages between her first and second baby, and my down-the-street neighbor experienced a full-term pregnancy loss literally the day before her due date.<\/p>\n

My nana doesn\u2019t like baby showers. She goes to them and understands their purpose, but she\u2019d much rather send whatever is needed after the baby is born. She just thinks too much can go wrong between conception and birth, so she doesn\u2019t want to celebrate a baby until there is a baby\u2014and she had seven kids over eight-and-a-half years, or something bonkers like that.<\/p>\n

We should normalize a new way of thinking about gifts.<\/p>\n

Give the mom-to-be a gift; that kid will get enough of them. Buy the mom-to-be a prenatal massage or a pedicure if she likes them\u2014especially later in the pregnancy, when she can\u2019t see her feet\u2014or something that celebrates who the mom is before becoming \u201cmom.\u201d Not enough is said about how we lose the person we were before having kids. If the mom-to-be is your movie-watching buddy, go watch as many movies as you can, and make those memories.<\/p>\n

\u2014Gifts During Pregnancy Are Complicated<\/p>\n

My first thought was that the letter writer would have known if her friend had experienced a loss, but maybe not! Some stigma remains around miscarriages, and some people are just very private. So that\u2019s definitely a possibility.<\/p>\n

I also like your suggestion of a gift for the mom-to-be. And reading your response, I realized the best way to be sure you don\u2019t offend someone is to wait until they share a registry, and then buy something they\u2019ve explicitly said they would like to have.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re It\u2019s Not Funny<\/a>: The letter writer whose father-in-law makes fun of his wife\u2019s sexual inadequacies should ask, \u201cWould you be comfortable if your wife and daughter heard you say that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014MDillon<\/p>\n

I have a whole theory about the FIL\u2019s personality, and I\u2019m pretty sure he would respond: \u201cStop being so sensitive! No one can take a joke these days. That\u2019s what\u2019s wrong with the world.\u201d But I still think your suggestion is a solid one.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re If You Can\u2019t Say Anything Nice:<\/a> Whatever you do, don\u2019t tell the mom about the ugly remarks her friends are making about her baby. This is the kind of thing that burns into your soul. And why haven\u2019t you said something already? The first time someone said the baby \u201clooks like a botched abortion,\u201d I\u2019d have said, \u201cThat is so hurtful. Imagine if Marlayna ever heard you say that. Cut it out.\u201d It\u2019s one thing for a friend to tell you that your mutual friend\u2019s baby is ugly. But it\u2019s another level of awful to keep joking around about it.<\/p>\n

\u2014Artemisia20<\/p>\n

Absolutely agree.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Intending to Eliminate the Eyesore:<\/a> Don\u2019t break the lamp. Erase that from your mind. Here are some alternatives:<\/p>\n

Can you replace or clean the shade to ensure it matches the other light fixtures? Would that help modernize the lamp? (You do not say if it\u2019s glass.)<\/p>\n

Can you change some of your color scheme to match the lamp? (Like your pillow cases, for instance.) That would help reduce any clash or incongruity the lamp creates.<\/p>\n

Can you ask for it to be moved to a den or office?<\/p>\n

\u2014Rock Creek Werewolf<\/p>\n

Good ideas. My feeling was that the letter writer hated everything about the lamp, but if there\u2019s anything that can be done to update it without upsetting anyone, I\u2019m all for it.<\/p>\n

Hey Prudence,<\/p>\n

Re Intending to Eliminate the Eyesore:<\/a> I\u2019ve been married for 38 years. Early in our marriage, my mother-in-law gave us an old and hideous lamp: It was ceramic, painted red with faux marbling, and had gold trim. The pi\u00e8ce de r\u00e9sistance was a small painting on its side of people wearing 18th-century garb doing a dance. I seem to remember there was a lady wearing a bright blue dress in the painting. Not sure if it was an heirloom\u2014my MIL loved to shop at garage sales. Did I mention this lamp was truly god-awful?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Former Student Fell Hard for Me. Now Our Relationship Feels Like a Minefield.
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\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

Help! My Mom Ran a Background Check on My Fianc\u00e9e. Uh Oh.
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<\/p>\n

Help! I Asked My Brother-in-Law to Hide a Present for My Wife Until Her Birthday. What He Did Instead Has Broken My Brain.
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My Brother Is Putting My 15-Year-Old Niece in an Unfair Position. I Have to Put a Stop to It.
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I told my husband that I hated it, but he wanted to keep it. It got stuck someplace like a back bedroom for ages, and then it ended up being stored in the back of a closet with our winter coats. I periodically tried to get him to donate it, but he wouldn\u2019t let it go. Finally, during our last move, I was able to convince him to let it go to a good home since it hadn\u2019t seen the light of day in years.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve always had pretty similar taste in decor. He even has a design degree (in landscape architecture), so he does have some artistic vision. But god, that was a hideous lamp! To stay married this long, you have to have the ability to laugh at such things. Especially \u201cthat horrific lamp your mother gave us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014Lestroid<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople wearing 18th-century garb doing a dance\u201d made me laugh, and I really needed that, so thank you. I hope its new owners are enjoying it and that you\u2019re thriving without having an eyesore in your space!<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

My parents divorced nearly 30 years ago and only maintained a relationship because of the kids. Recently, my mother passed away and, in going through her things, it was quite a surprise to discover many cards and letters from my dad to her. I\u2019ve only looked at the ones that can\u2019t avoid being seen (notes written on a flat sheet of paper, e.g.), and have very little interest in going through them myself. Do I give the stack of old memorabilia back to my dad?<\/a><\/p>\n

Get advice on manners and morals in your inbox three times a week.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Each week, Prudence\u00a0asks readers for their thoughts\u00a0on the letters she\u2019s received. Her reply will be available every Friday…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":23158,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[3005,11463,79,6843],"class_list":{"0":"post-23157","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-science","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-dear-prudence","10":"tag-science","11":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=23157"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23157\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/23158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=23157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=23157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=23157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}