{"id":273218,"date":"2025-11-05T15:02:11","date_gmt":"2025-11-05T15:02:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/273218\/"},"modified":"2025-11-05T15:02:11","modified_gmt":"2025-11-05T15:02:11","slug":"my-mother-in-law-knows-about-my-severe-allergy-she-tried-to-sabotage-me-anyway","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/273218\/","title":{"rendered":"My mother-in-law knows about my severe allergy. She tried to sabotage me anyway."},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column. For this edition, Leah Prinzivalli,\u00a0a Slate features editor,\u00a0will be filling in as Prudie.\u00a0Submit questions here.<\/a>\u00a0(It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

Recently, my mother-in-law came for a visit. I am seriously allergic to dogs and cats (I wish I weren\u2019t!).<\/p>\n

My mother-in-law has a Chihuahua, \u201cChari,\u201d who accompanies her everywhere. She assured us that Chari would be staying with a dog sitter. Well, surprise! My MIL showed up with the dog in tow, claiming he \u201cwouldn\u2019t be able to stand being apart from his Mommy.\u201d I ended up having to stay at my sister\u2019s, and a cleaning service had to be hired to purge the house after my MIL and Chari left.<\/p>\n

I am furious with my husband for siding with his mother over me. She lives three hours away, not three states, and it wouldn\u2019t have been the end of the world for him to have insisted she go home due to my allergies. He thinks I made too big a deal over the situation, and even that maybe some exposure to the dog might have helped me develop some \u201cimmunity!\u201d How can I get it into his head that he needs to support me in the future?<\/p>\n

\u2014Forced Out<\/p>\n

Dear Forced,<\/p>\n

I really wish I could get a glass of wine with you and hear about a million more details about your relationship with your mother-in-law, husband, and even this poor, anxious dog. But in the absence of knowing how you feel about these mammals, I\u2019ve developed a conspiracy theory: Is it possible your MIL brought Chari on purpose, knowing you\u2019d have to leave, because she was craving some solo time with her son? That\u2019s exactly the kind of stunt I could see some of today\u2019s overzealous #BoyMom parenting influencers pulling in 20 years when their beloved little princes grow up and get married. If there\u2019s part of you that thinks bringing Chari was a bit of light bioterrorism in service of mother-son time, I\u2019d gently float the idea that your husband makes a solo visit out to his mom soon, or plans another trip with just her. Even if the next visit is still a trip to your house, ask him to make sure to carve out a special activity or meal for just the two of them and inform his mom ahead of time about the plan. He should make the special activity something she\u2019ll definitely want to do, and it shouldn\u2019t allow dogs. It doesn\u2019t sound like your MIL is willing to make accommodations for you, but maybe she\u2019ll make them to visit a museum or attend a play with her son, and you\u2019ll reap the benefits.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

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Another possibility: Despite what I\u2019m sure were clear explanations about your pet allergy, maybe your MIL didn\u2019t quite comprehend that you would actually have to leave your house to accommodate her. There\u2019s a small part of me that thinks now that she knows she inconvenienced you so deeply, she\u2019d be too embarrassed to ever repeat this behavior. But my guess is she would have checked herself into a pet-friendly hotel or Airbnb immediately if that were the case.<\/p>\n

So you\u2019re right: The bigger issue here is that you need to compromise with your husband. Before the next visit, you two need to get on the same page about what you mean when you say he needs to support you. When you found out she was bringing the dog, was your first suggestion that she turn around and go home? I could see why she and your husband might bristle at that. I\u2019m not sure it\u2019s fair to insist that supporting you meant making her turn right around and go home. But making you leave wasn\u2019t a fair solution either. It sounds like what you might need from him is an apology and an affirmation that he believes you when you say your allergies are real and challenging (sure, immunotherapy for allergies exists, but it\u2019s not at all a simple process<\/a>). And he might need you to affirm that you do want to spend time with his mom as long as her visit doesn\u2019t put you at medical risk.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Leah Prinzivalli
\n Help! I Didn\u2019t Expect This Major Adult Milestone to Turn My Husband Into the Possession Police.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Whether the dog is just a dog and not a chemical agent meant to run you from your home, I\u2019d like to issue all three of you a reminder that pet-friendly hotels and Airbnbs exist. A pet-friendly accommodation is a glaring third option that doesn\u2019t involve anyone being chased from their house or canceling what I\u2019d imagine was a much-anticipated trip. If there aren\u2019t any near you, a friend, neighbor, or even local vet will know of a dog sitter who will be willing to watch Chari in the future. I wish all four of you many years of stress- and sneeze-free visits ahead.<\/p>\n

\u2014Leah<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

I have been married 10 years and together for 13. My stepdaughters \u201cGracie and Nikki\u201d are 28 and 25 respectively. Gracie and I have a good relationship, while her sister can barely be civil towards me. As a teenager, Nikki treated me as her own personal maid, chauffeur, and chef. She had zero respect and would stomp off screaming if asked to demonstrate any. I took a lot of \u201cwalks\u201d when she had her friends drop in without warning\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column. For this edition, Leah Prinzivalli,\u00a0a Slate features editor,\u00a0will be filling in as…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":273219,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[3005,11463,3006,97,37512,6843],"class_list":{"0":"post-273218","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-health","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-dear-prudence","10":"tag-family","11":"tag-health","12":"tag-single-q","13":"tag-slate-plus"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/273218","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=273218"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/273218\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/273219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=273218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=273218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=273218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}