\u201cMy bowel acts as if it\u2019s blocked but there\u2019s nothing actually blocking it. It\u2019s just the nerves don\u2019t work so, as gross as this is, my stools would back up so much that I would throw it up or drain out my tummy,\u201d she told News AU<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u201cI had feeding tubes placed in me and I was still vomiting and then we discovered that my stomach wasn\u2019t emptying so I was put on TPN,\u201d she continued. \u201cBecause of the line straight into your bloodstream, if you get an infection it turns to sepsis really quickly which is very, very, dangerous.\u201d<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t until Annaliese turned 18 and transitioned from her pediatric facility to the general hospital that she was finally diagnosed. She learned that she had autoimmune autonomic ganglionopathy<\/a>, a rare neurological disease that damages the nerves that control heart rate, blood pressure, digestion and urination.<\/p>\n By age 22, Annaliese was told that her condition was terminal.<\/p>\n Annaliese now has multi-organ failure and has survived sepsis 25 times. Her strong medications have caused her to develop severe osteoporosis. She\u2019s fractured her spine in four places, cracked her sternum in half and has nearly crushed her heart and lungs.<\/p>\n Steroids have also caused necrosis \u2014 a condition where the blood supply to her bones has failed \u2014 resulting in her teeth blackening and starting to fall out.<\/p>\n GoFundMe<\/p>\n Annaliese Holland<\/p>\n \u201cI was so miserable,\u201d she said. \u201cYou can\u2019t change it so you have to just deal with it really. Even though there\u2019s beautiful moments in my days, they are exhausting and long. I\u2019m in chronic debilitating pain.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI missed out on formals, graduations, my 18th, 21st [birthdays], they were all in hospitals being really sick. All my friends, they\u2019re having babies, getting engaged, married. Everyone\u2019s life is moving and I\u2019m just stuck. I\u2019m not living. I\u2019m surviving every day, which is tough.\u201d<\/p>\n The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now<\/a>!<\/p>\n Annaliese said her disease is like \u201cwalking on a field of landmines.\u201d<\/p>\n It got to the point where she now no longer wants to endure the pain, sharing with her family that she wants to \u201cdie on my own terms\u201d with medical aid in dying. What solidified her decision was seeing herself in the mirror one day while hospitalized and not even recognizing herself.<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t me and I was so exhausted,\u201d she said. \u201cLife for me now is getting up each day doing what I need to do medically, taking the painkillers, trying to get through the day, just to go to bed and do it all again.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have the most incredible team of doctors and nurses who have watched what I have been through and I told them I don\u2019t want this anymore,\u201d she admitted.<\/p>\n Never miss a story \u2014 sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter<\/a> to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer\u200b\u200b, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.\u00a0<\/p>\n But the idea is heartbreaking for her parents and sister.<\/p>\n Annaliese\u2019s mother, Armanda, said she\u2019s always hoping for a miracle but she \u201cknows realistically what challenges\u201d her daughter faces. But her father, Patrick, told the outlet that he\u2019s seen her overcome every setback and knows she can get past the illness.<\/p>\n \u201cEvery time she goes to the hospital, she fights for her own life,\u201d Patrick said, holding back tears. \u201cThe amount of times Annie has been in hospital and on her deathbed\u2026 to have to sit there and watch her go through it \u2026 but she is amazing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI remember talking to my dad in the kitchen one night and I said, \u2018Dad, I\u2019ve had enough.\u2019 And he went, \u2018So you\u2019re giving up?\u2019\u201d Annaliese shared.<\/p>\n Annaliese said the moment that helped her dad come to terms with her decision was when she was in the hospital after being resuscitated by doctors. She pleaded with him, \u201cDad, please let me go. I will not hate you if you let me go.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said, \u2018If this happens again, I don\u2019t want anything. And please know that in my heart, you letting me go and saying no to treatment\u2026I\u2019m happy with and that\u2019s what I want,\u2019\u201d she recalled, bursting into tears. \u201cHe turned to me and goes, \u2018I don\u2019t know how you do it and I totally understand that you\u2019ve had enough.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n news.com.au\/YouTube<\/p>\n Annaliese Holland<\/p>\n So, three weeks after speaking to psychologists and going through the qualification process, Annaliese was approved for voluntary assisted dying (VAD), which she calls her \u201csafety blanket\u201d and a weight off her shoulders.<\/p>\n Medical aid in dying (MAID) is legal in every state in Australia for those who are terminally ill, mentally competent adults. MAID or VAD are different from euthanasia \u2014 which is illegal \u2014 because the patients themselves administer prescribed drugs to end their lives, rather than a doctor.<\/p>\n \u201cI think it\u2019s so weird to be happy, but I was so happy when I found out I was approved, I was crying,\u201d Annaliese said. \u201cIt\u2019s hard because for me I am in pain and then I am at peace, but then I put the pain onto my family. You have this battle in your head of not wanting to hurt them so I will put some thought into how it will happen.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor me, I don\u2019t want to have to wake up every day with anxiety about the pain that I know is ahead for me. The pain of starving to death when they can\u2019t feed me anymore, or the horror of sepsis. Knowing I can go when the time is right is just a huge relief,\u201d she explained. \u201cI feel so lucky that I do have this choice.\u201d<\/p>\n She adds, \u201cIt\u2019s one of the bravest things you could ever do, to say I want VAD. It\u2019s not giving up. You\u2019ve had enough and you fought bloody hard.”<\/p>\n Read the original article on People<\/a><\/p>\n![\"GoFundMe](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/c0e65f02a165b9e7b486a92198e37456.jpeg\"\/)
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