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\n It\u2019s a minor miracle there isn\u2019t more drama in an episode filled with this much making out and another guest from hell.
\n Photo: Bravo\n <\/p>\n
After a string of high-tension, high-stakes episodes \u2014 will the deck team implode? Will Joe and V or won\u2019t they? Will Josh make up a slightly unsettling song? \u2014 this week\u2019s episode is a bit of a snoozer. Through most of it, we follow the crew on their day off at a beach club in Barcelona. It\u2019s not an uneventful day, but the events that unfold are boring. Everyone puts lotion on everyone, people get horny and kiss indiscriminately. I\u2019ll be glad if I never have to see another tongue shoving and sliding and twirling in my life. Aesha tells her fianc\u00e9, Scott, the morning after that she danced for three straight hours by herself, because everyone was too busy making out. It\u2019s unclear what Josh was doing for the duration of that time, and why he wasn\u2019t dancing with Aesha. Maybe \u2014 and this is almost too sad to type \u2014\u00a0he was hoping to get in on the action at some point. But maybe he was just vibing in Josh-world, where there is perfect equilibrium in all things. By the way, a desperate plea for this season\u2019s editors: Please, no more of that naked photo of Josh with the roses. We\u2019ve seen it enough.<\/p>\n
The crew\u2019s make-out-fest starts the night before in the hot tub, with Kizzi and Max kissing in front of Cathy. Seeing them, Aesha tells Cathy that Kizzi goes after guys other girls are into because she wants to be \u201cthe No. 1 prize.\u201d After they leave, Kizzi tells V that she could hear what they were saying, and that it didn\u2019t feel good. I was thinking it can\u2019t have felt good to hear Max ask Cathy if they can make out the next day, either, but then I remembered that Kizzi doesn\u2019t really care. She\u2019s not getting emotionally involved with any of these men; by her own admission, she just \u201cwants a snog.\u201d<\/p>\n
So that\u2019s what she does, in the hot tub and the next day, at the beach club. Max regrets kissing her, since it\u2019s Cathy he really wants. Really, the male brain should be studied. Cathy was right there! In the end, though, Max manages to redeem himself. Everyone makes amends. In the vans on the way to the beach club, Kizzi tells V, Cathy, and Josh that Cathy and Aesha\u2019s conversation made her feel bad. Cathy cowers a bit \u2014 she takes herself out of the situation by stating that she didn\u2019t say anything bad, even though the subject directly concerns her. Once they meet up with the rest of the crew, Kizzi brings up the incident with Aesha. It takes less than a minute for them to talk it out: Aesha says she loves her dearly, but that she stands by what she said. Kizzi tells her that she doesn\u2019t disagree with Aesha\u2019s assessment of her attention problem; she just wanted to have the chance to defend herself. Kizzi, much like Joe, who also has commitment issues, is exceedingly self-aware \u2014 at one point in this episode, she admits to Josh that she wants to be the center of attention \u2014 but seemingly unable to act on her reflections.<\/p>\n
Maybe that\u2019s because she\u2019s kissing everyone for a cause: Women\u2019s empowerment. A suffragist spirit possesses her to make out with Nathan a bunch in the pool. Nathan left the boat intending to \u201cplay hard\u201d so he can \u201cwork hard\u201d tomorrow, and in a confessional he admits to feeling the need to let off some steam. He\u2019s been feeling the pressure from Captain Sandy, and he hates that he has to be an asshole to his boys in order to do a good job. He still hasn\u2019t gotten it through his head that he doesn\u2019t, actually, need to be an asshole; he just needs to be a manager.<\/p>\n
This problem will only deteriorate once the next charter begins; but before we get there, let\u2019s check in on the other two developing couples. Joe and V are left alone in the hot tub the night before their day off and end up sleeping in the same bed in Joe\u2019s cabin, where \u2014 surprise, surprise \u2014 they make out. They\u2019re all lovey-dovey at the beach club the next day. On the way over, Joe tells Aesha and the boys that he likes V and won\u2019t be \u201cpursuing other options,\u201d as if he has concluded a job search. He confesses his feelings to V, but takes care to note that their dalliance has an \u201cexpiry date,\u201d which V receives with a completely straight face.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m starting to think that the saltwater is making this woman hallucinate. Or maybe I\u2019m hallucinating \u2014 did Joe tell a story about being caught up in a fraud-scheme that lost him his real estate career and his home? Joe tells V he hasn\u2019t felt this way since his ex, the only woman he ever loved, whom he had to leave when things blew up in his life. V reciprocates the feeling that she hasn\u2019t been as interested in someone since Beau. She says this to Kizzi, who tells her she won\u2019t pursue Joe because she knows how much V likes him. She does this in front of Cathy, which, if not hilarious, is at least a little bit appalling. They are completely different situations \u2014\u00a0V and Joe were clearly more involved than Max and Cathy were at the point at which Kizzi made out with Max \u2014 but it\u2019s inconsiderate to say the least that Kizzi didn\u2019t wait to share her feelings with her friend in a more private situation.<\/p>\n
Cathy, in any case, is already upset with Kizzi. She unleashes some of her frustration in the morning by telling Kizzi that her outfit is not quite right for the beach club, even though she is wearing a Lilly Pulitzer style bikini-and-cover-up combo. But when they get to the beach club, Cathy\u2019s mood lightens, since she makes up with Max almost immediately. Max, who started the day intending to fix the problem he created, says in a confessional that dancing with and kissing Cathy on the dance floor was one of the best days of his life.<\/p>\n
The crew gets back to the boat drunk, exhausted, and still kissing each other. Nathan is already nursing a moral hangover when he tells Josh he\u2019ll have to rally to be on the ball the next day, and confesses to Joe that it might have been a mistake to have gotten with Kizzi when, really, he misses Gael. Kizzi, meanwhile, just thinks it\u2019s funny that at one point, she had all of the boys wrapped around her finger, and now she only gets to kiss Nathan, if that.<\/p>\n
But not all of life is making out, as our crew knows. The next day, they get to work. Aesha has her stews trade shifts for the upcoming charter: Cathy will now be in service while Kizzi does laundry, which irritates her so much that she starts talking about how it\u2019s understandable what Tonya Harding did. Captain Sandy, meanwhile, decides to show the deck team what\u2019s what. She essentially turns into the Great Santini, telling Nathan first that the boat\u2019s exterior needs to be squeaky clean by the time the sun rises, and proceeding to watch his every step. She is worried that while he has plenty of technical skill, he\u2019s lacking in management ability. Nathan\u2019s fear and insecurity lead him to lash out at his teammates, who, in turn, don\u2019t know whether to regard him as their equal or as their boss, given that his manipulation of authority is volatile at best.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not going to help morale that these guests suck. Sandy is welcoming them to the Bravado when Imran \u2014 the charter\u2019s villain from the very first moment, and, let\u2019s remember, not the primary\u00a0\u2014 interrupts her to say that someone should take their hand towels. As Aesha is giving them the tour, Imran asks her if there is \u201ca servant\u201d who can do his laundry. Then, when the boat has to dock because of an incoming swell, again \u2014 at this point, almost every charter this season has had to return to dock \u2014\u00a0he talks and gets in Sandy\u2019s way while she\u2019s swinging the humongous thing in a narrow basin. And Sandy was already ticked off to begin with; Nathan asked her whether they could keep the tenders inflated and she had to remind him they\u2019re not \u201ca floating trailer park.\u201d<\/p>\n
We see some corroborating images that the swell is pretty bad \u2014 a door swings open menacingly, and the surface of the hot tub shifts in the wind \u2014 and these guests are awful, but they\u2019re not wrong that they dock in the least-scenic marina of all time, facing a parking lot. It\u2019s pretty unpleasant! Luckily, their ancient-Greece-themed dinner delivers in every way, from the tablescape to Josh\u2019s excellent menu, even if Imran complains about the wine. This guy is the new Carlos<\/a>:\u00a0he\u2019s going to complain about everything because it is fun to him, a guy who probably grew up throwing salt on snails, so we might as well ignore him. As the guests enjoy dinner, Kizzi vents to Josh that she has been in a bad mood all day, especially when Cathy\u2019s \u201cyachtie personality\u201d (which, to her, is different from embracing \u201cyachtie\u201d as a job title, though she doesn\u2019t explain the difference) is so grating. Josh can tell she is feeling left out, and she admits she feels small, though she also concedes that Cathy is a nice person and that it probably has more to do with her than with anyone else. Aesha\u2019s plan for how to dispel the tension between the girls is to shower everyone with positivity, which seems to be working \u2026 so far.<\/p>\n Even then, Nathan\u2019s docking experience takes the cake of unpleasantness that evening. The Bravado pulls up to the dock through the opposite side than they are used to, which means all their lines are wrong, and they have to hustle to fix them before Sandy blows a gasket. Ultimately, they do fine, but Nathan is so high-strung that, when V gets confused that they have to take off a line that should stay, he starts cursing and yelling at her and Joe. Sandy radios him not to yell and not to get frustrated. He tells her he\u2019s not mad, he\u2019s just being \u201cassertive.\u201d I\u2019m starting to think Nathan has lost grasp of that word\u2019s meaning. Max wonders why he doesn\u2019t just \u201ccopy-paste\u201d Sandy\u2019s approach to firmness.<\/p>\n While it\u2019s obvious that Nathan is having an issue settling into a leadership position, am I alone in thinking that Sandy is coming in slightly too hot? It seems like the harder she presses in, the more he loses his head. What he needs, I think, is some kind of demonstration that assertiveness has nothing to do with cursing or yelling. The next day, she asks Joe, the first deckie up, to wake up the whole team so they can leave the dock in 15 minutes. Then she asks Nathan how come the deck team isn\u2019t up as early as the interior team. I mean, okay? This note could\u2019ve come way earlier. At least, their exchange is amusing to one of the non-cast crewmembers, who watches from behind a door with a smile on his face as Sandy digs into Nathan.<\/p>\n It only gets worse for our \u201cbrosun\u201d once they\u2019re anchored back at sea. The guests request to use every single toy available (of course they do), so, after anchoring with only minor hiccups, the crew hustles to get it all ready. Max is in the water with the guests when Imran \u2014 always him \u2014\u00a0asks if he can drive the tender. Max tells him yes; in the meantime, Nathan goofs off for half a second with Kizzi and Joe in the galley. Of course, that\u2019s where Sandy catches him. When they come back out to the swim platform, they see Max and Imran way out in the tender, and Sandy is pissed. Nathan is evidently starting to feel that he can\u2019t do anything right, and that things only happen when he has decided to \u201cuntense\u201d his body. I\u2019m starting to feel bad for him. It\u2019s almost like Providence is playing an old prank on him. He\u2019s not that bad! \u2026 Is he?<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n